those of you out there wonder'n...i once worked fer the J-man on sundays
but now i'm just an alter'd boy from time to time...fer the right dime!
and like any great horror story...all good things must come to an end!
ever since return'n to the corporate world of incontinence seat'n in the powder room and ogilvie runway models feed'n at the donut trough...
i've also come to the realization...that there are 2 seasons in the downtown hussle and bussle of the corporate regime...WINTER...and bible beat'n!
let me explain...
usually start'n around the beginn'n of Easter and goin until the first magor snow fall (hey these beaters know how to bundle up) some J-man (or J-woman) groupie/stalker...ventures down to nicollet mall in downtown mpls...
though it sounds as if they are merely recite'n what some mind controller is make'n them say after shove'n bore worms into their ears
well...after nose'n around their book of fairy tales...i've compiled a top 10 list of interest'n easter eggs they'd rather ignore...since they may have tried them out a time or 2...but i have them here...just for yer reminder...
you dream'n about gett'n some super cool tattoo on yer body?
"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead...nor print any marks upon you...I am the LORD"
think'n about buzz'n yer head and scruff to give ya that come f*ck me look?
"Ye shall not round the corners of your heads...neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard"
try'n to visit the neighboorhood psychic to get the winn'n lotto numbers?
"Regard not them that have familiar spirits...neither seek after wizards...to be defiled by them...I am the LORD your God"
hey non homosexual dudes...if you ever get in a fight at some bar and all of a sudden the pie hole yer poke'n decides to step in and help out by squeezing yer opponent's "tingly parts"...you'd best stop her immediately
"When men strive together one with another...and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him...and putteth forth her hand...and taketh him by the secrets...then thou shalt cut off her hand...thine eye shall not pity her"
you got a hanker'n to choke down a delicious BLT...yea well...think again?
"And the swine...though he divide the hoof...and be clovenfooted...yet he cheweth not the cud...he is unclean to you...of their flesh shall ye not eat...and their carcase shall ye not touch...they are unclean to you.
yer precious kitten feel like spew'n out some 4 letter words at ya?...uh uh!
"And he that curseth his father...or his mother...shall surely be put to death"
thought yer life was set once you took that long walk down the aisle?
#4 Mark 10:11-12 states:
"Whosoever putteth away his wife...and marrieth another...committeth adultery...and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery"
plann'n on catch'n up with the J-man on sunday ladies?
"Let your women keep silence in the churches...for it is not permitted unto them to speak...but they are commanded to be under obedience...as also saith the law...and if they will learn any thing...let them ask their husbands at home...for it is a shame for women to speak in the church"
got a crave'n for a huge bowl of deliciously fried popcorn shrimp?
"And all that have not fins and scales in the seas...and in the rivers...of all that move in the waters...and of any living thing which is in the waters...they shall be an abomination unto you...ye shall not eat of their flesh...but ye shall have their carcases in abomination"
might be harder to find a bride who is a virgin than the other way around
"But if this thing be true...and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel...then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house...and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die...because she hath wrought folly in Israel...to play the whore in her father's house...so shalt thou put evil away from among you"
do you think commit'n any of these felonies is gonna piss the J-man off?
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