Monday, April 30, 2012

DELA WHERE?...the F are we?

everyone has dreams...or hopefully has at least one....about thing (or things) they would like to accomplish before their ticker stops tick'n...known as...
made famous by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman with the same name
(which never made my list...but i plan on see'n it sometime in the near future)


it usually consists of things like...either attainable...affordable and sometimes asinine stuff...but none the less...are yer very own accomplishments you want credit for doin'...before you kick the almighty can


recently...i received and accepted an invitation to fulfill an unknown wish from my BUCKET LIST...with 3 of my dear friends from my yester years...which...though i've never considered consider'n them as a "to do" list...i'm glad they considered...
my consider'n...have'n them being consired...KAPEESH?


so as i was say'n...i was forced by these 3...95% non homosexual perpetrators 
(don't quote me on that...just give'n you an average over all % assumption here)
Greta...Kira...and Karen...at vaginal gunpoint...to take a road trip with them to memorialize an even older friend…Sean Lee...who suddenly "kicked the can" unexpectantly...to the wondrous state of Delaware
turns out it was just Nebraska (but really…what’s the diff?)
i'm so glad to see those Nebraskians are look'n out fer my ass though!

as much as i love a good road trip...i’m just not good at not being good when a road trip reaches past the 2 hour limit i’ve limited myself to...and cuz i am still without child...i didn't wanna spend the next 7 hours feel'n like i was sitt'n at my cubicle with the desperado's of burbanville...so eventually my
 “dirty gurl” kicked into overdrive on the long drive maybe a bit much at times…(purely as a survival tactic of course kittens)
but i would eventually come off  my potty mouth once i got outta the automotive cage and was extremely grateful i got to see the old gang again...even if it was for a bitter sweet reunion

i was reintroduced to these fellers from back in the day...Mark and Alan...
nice guys...but i didn't press the nice guy reintroduction button in my brain....so i couldn't be bothered to remember my manners...
(don't worry...i wasn't shredd'n them apart or anything)...
but in the situation i was in...they might as well have been Meeshka the falafel vendor...and i just wasn't in the mood to try anything new at the time

UNTIL that is...the whole gaggle of us were sitt'n around in our very ill conceived conceptual bedroom at the shoe hotel from hell...(sorry...gotta get off the train track i was steam'n ahead on...fer a minute...and explain why we were stay'n at an ill conceived conceptual  bedroom at the shoe hotel from hell)

there was this cluster of old shoes and shoe stretchers adorn'n the wall as you climbed this "not so grand staircase" staircase...and as one would assume in this situation...a back story was needed as to why they were there..and though not sure who started the back story...but apparently...
some shoe make'n ferry would come in the middle of the nite to kill you and steal yer shoes cuz he or she was too damn tired to fix em (hey keep in mind...alcohol and possibly some illegal narcotics may or may have not been involved in this back story)

so let's get back on track...Mrs. "Who Cares...I OWN A STORE" Werner
came up with this concept and was christened by Mark...simply entitled...
"THE F*CK IT LIST"

now don't get this confused with that lil black book of names and gold stars you've been carry'n around in yer back pocket fer a rainy day...

oh no no no no NO!

this list basically is the anti BUCKET LIST...mean'n that...it's stuff yer just NOT gonna f*ck'n do before you die! it ended up being alotta fun...and Mark and Alan were now worthy of my attention (ummm insert laugh here...i'm not being conceited...just convinced...again...HA!)

i thought about it long and hard (and NO i wasn't at the time...pervie!)
so without further ado... here is my top 10  F*CK IT! LIST :

10. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna bungee jump...EVER!...so don't ask me!

9. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna swim in the big blue ocean...
    as long as there are sea creatures in them

8. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna jump outta a plane...
    with or without a parachute...not on my life!

7. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna set sails on the mighty sea...
    i don't ever wanna be fish food...EVER!

6. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna feel scalpel to skin...fer vanity reasons
    Why Pete?...i love you...but it looks like you shoved 2 chipmunks in yer
    cheekbones and yer lips were stung by an army of africanized killer bees

5. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna get a pet snake....
    WAIT...let me clarify that one!

4. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna fake-n-bake my body...
    just to look like a baboon's ass...it's just not happen'n!

3. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna meet Marilyn Monroe...
    no matter how many ouiga boards i try and contact her on!

2. F*CK IT!...i'm never gonna participate in the runn'n of the bull...
    i'm sure this guy wishes he had a V-8 instead that morn'n
  
and the numbero uno F*CK IT!...

1. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna eat sushi...EEEEW!...
      it's just sooo unnatural and creepy...to me! (this does not mean i don't
      love the QUEEN any less)

there you have it kittens...this concludes my F*CK IT! list...fer now...make yer own unfun and unfabulous list...and F*CK IT!...get of my dress!






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