Monday, July 9, 2012

take it off!

since last weeks episode was a voyeuristic view about boobage fer my non homosexual and lezbitronic kittens...i figered i needed to balance it out fer all my non heterosexual and female enjoy!

when my dear dear friend  had her train tracks removed from her mouth almost 20 years ago...i thought...what a better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than make'n her the center of attention fer all the pain and suffer'n she suffered with that monstrous metallic bondage practically choke'n off her love life over the last couple of years prior...and what better way to wash away the humiliation than hire'n a stripper to ferget all about it
                                                        and i did!

i was in the process of flipp'n thru and make'n arrangements fer a male exotic dancer at the gym i was work'n the time...when the security guard over heard my conversations and offered to be my stripper...
he was 100% pure beef...and he said he would do it fer no money...but i make sure no one works fer i said he hadda be my date as to not let it slip to the crowd that there would be a stripper come'n

me and her roomie at the time put together a lil party...invited about 20 guests to their humble apt to celebrate the release of her brace face...
the roomie was to make sure they had singles in their purse/wallets

the crowd had both non heterosexual and non homosexual men and everyone was to be blown away... whether they liked it or not!

as the party was an hour into the show...we set out a chair in the middle of the live'n room and blindfolded the guest of honor and as the crowd gathered in a circle...the cacklin' happened almost IMMEDIATELY...
                                       and then the music began!

my "date" slowly and seductively slipped outta his snappy date uniform...all the way down...reveal'n his very engorged thong to Prince's song "get off"...
                                                     why not!

and he did the moves that would frighten fish...the crowd fer the most part was totally titillated...the non homosexual males...maybe not so much...but they played along fer their girlfriends sake so they'd get some later on

was she uncomfortable?...perhaps!...was she grateful?...hell yea! could here her cackle from miles away...she was completed shocked...but completely honored to be the center of it all...and at the very least...she could finally give head to the best of her abilities without make'n the guy feel like he was being attacked by a cheese grater!

fer my friend's 40th a while back...i was asked by said friend's husband...
if a male stripper would be an appropriate surprise fer her...i mean...40 is some sorta milestone fer a good surprise...the unexpected right?

know'n her fer her lack...or rather...desire to be the center of attention in large crowds...and how her politics plays into certain portions of her life...
                                               i said she'd hate it!

but that's why she NEEDS it!...EVERYONE needs to loose control of their control from time to time...let their defenses down...and just let loose

i stressed he COULD NOT tell her posse...i was not expect'n him to get the stripper fer my voyeuristic intentions...but i knew that it would be the end of the surprise...and though i'm not say'n i wouldn't have 100% enjoyed participate'n in this animalistic ritual.....she needed out of her comfort zone
                   to break down her Gloria Steinem walls fer a change

but he didn't heed my warn'n and slipped his idea to her giddy-up girls and fucked it up fer everyone...and by everyone...i pretty much mean ME!

i was promised they'd make it up and get me one fer my 40th...and like most of the cocktails i drink...i wanted mine with a twist...well...cuz i can!
                                           i wanted a clown stripper!

2 things that sorta nerve me out...not know'n what's gonna happen or who's under all that grease paint...but at the same time...would pull me into a world of unknowningness...which has always been sorta a turn-on to me!

well...needless to say...i'm still wait'n

in the mean time...hollyweird covered my "friends" inabilities to follow thru and came out with "MAGIC MIKE"...which a couple of friendly married mo's took me to over the satisfy my voyeuristic pleasures...
     but i'm here to tell...there would be no pull'n of a rabbit outta this hat!

starr'n 30 somethin' sizzle'n up and cummer....oops...i mean comer...
Channing the entrepreneurial stripper from tampa fl...based on part of his life before he became the O so famous hotness in hip pants...

and i'm here to tell ya kittens... he does some massively smooth...incredibly
delicious dance moves on and off the stage and knows exactly how to get the blood pump'n every where in all the right directions

 a year ago...i read about the cast'n...and have been wait'n anxiously in
 a-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n fer it's i could inhibitions

but by half way thru this fluff fest flick from the gyration nation...
                           i no longer felt the need to pull a Pee Wee

it's completely full of marshmallow fluff that girls or girlie guys alike will droll over...but nothing THAT innerest'n that you can't wait to see it on's like soft core porn fer lifetime television...and who even watchs that channel anymore besides divorcees...suicidal tendencies...and Markie Post fans?

also starr'n Matt McConaughey as Dallas...the strip club owner
newly out non heterosexual Matt Bomer as Ken...another hot pants remover
loner turned stripper turned druggie burn out...Alex Pettyfur as Adam
and True Blood furbanger Joe Big Dick Richie
who was really the only reason fer me to see this movie to begin with...i kept hear'n online rumors about his tooth chipper showcased in a golden thong

blink and you'll miss it...LITERALLY!..though he's got some very grrrravey train moves on stage...he's barely noticeable in the movie...and the one HUGE scene that was to showcase his oscar meyer wiener...HA! was just a silhouette flopped out behind a lit screen...i was completely ROBBED!
it looked like the same prosthetic used by Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights
(ps...girlie boys...leave yer lube at home)

                         i give this flick 3 1/2 monkey spanks outta 5

a handful of titillate'n eye candy fluff in the buff...but not enough substantial stuff to care enuff to see save yer bills fer the boys at the bar!

now i must re adjust kindly get off my dress!

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