and the nominee's are...

with a new year...comes the annual parade of narcissistic appraisal...known as the award season

if you just missed the golden globes...

 and i ain't talk'n about Amanda Lepore's chest...this time

don't worry kittens...there's plenty more come'n around the corner...but the main one to focus on right now is the creme-de-la-creme of them all...

 welcome to the 3rd annual fucktard awards

don't worry...as lovely and poignant as it was...

 i'm not gonna allow any marathon speeches...and no one will be come'n out on my program tonite

cuz i'll be push'n them out there in my bestest beautifully taylored mockery fer the whole world to ridicule and scold at their own free will

since we're only a month away til valentine's day...

 i decided to go with a simple...yet effective...gigantic feathery glittered blood clotty number...cuz i can!

tonite's telecast is brought to you by...

the friendly folks and duty-bound trained shoppers at RADIO SHACK...cuz no one should be touch'n that button...BUT YOU!

here they come folks...pull'n up to the red carpet

hmmm...who's that come'n outta the limo?

seriously...does it really matter kittens?

well...looks like the lights are flicker'n so take yer seats...either that...

or Lady GAGA just stuck her fork in a toaster try'n to get at a chicken wing...hmmm...car wash brushes i'da never thought of...but apparently are in this season...who knew...how slimm'n!

and the nominees are...

Rush Limbaugh...S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E

well that's not a surprise really that's he'd be nominated...that's like say'n

G Dubbaya wasn't sound'n out the words in his head before he spoke to the little kittens in the classroom that day

Alex Jones...fer his calm...demure...heartwarm'n and very insightful interview with the loud mouthed...disgraceful...satan spew'n Piers Morgan on live tv

 Tim Donnelly and the amaze'n discovery of his delusional faith healer and HIS plan with the all might pow pow machines

 hmmm...odd...it almost feels like a 3 way happen'n kittens...

 (and i ain't talk'n the tingly kind i'm afraid this time)

an upset fer the very 1st time at the fucktard awards...a last minute nomination and this year's winner of the 3rd annual fucktard award is...

the NRA and dick-4-brains president David Keene fer his no nonsense...nonsense proposal

and ya know what? the proposal to have armed guards at schools across the land to ensure the safety of all the precious lil kittens try'n to get an education...totally makes sense...that way we know unexplainable tragedies won't happen

hmmm...are ya sense'n a theme this year kittens?

either case...that's a well deserved award...and ya know what...they're right

 let's have pow pow machines fer every red bloodied 'merikin out there...cuz i know i'll sleep just a lil bit safer at night know'n that i'll be pertected by my neighburs!

thankyou fer watch'n...now throw on yer best polished M16...

 get off my dress...and go!