ALL HAIL TO THE QUEENS!

thru-out my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe history on this planet (pre and post) there have only

been 3 highly important trail blaze'n QUEENS that have captured a smidgen of my attention...that also have unfortunately passed their prime steak and cake days...the first bein that tip toe thru the tulips lead singer FREDDIE MERCURY from the rock band QUEEN who rocked the world with monster hits like "WE WILL ROCK YOU" "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST" "BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY" and the theme song to the sci-fi masterpiece "FLASH GORDON" among many many others...

who left the planet much too soon in november of 1991 "allegedly" due to eat'n the arsenic laced cosmetics he used on the set of the "I WANT TO BREAK FREE" video a few years earlier (look it up kittens...i don't have the time to confirm or deny what some junkie live'n in a refrigerator box told me when i wanted to rent a room on his second floor way back then)

it would be another 31 years later before another important queen who 

intrigued me and went thru just as many title changes as i have STD's from HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS OF YORK which she went by thru april of 1926 until decem of 1936

to HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS ELIZABETH from decem of 1936 to novem of 1947

to HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS ELIZABETH...DUTCHESS OF EDINBURGH...COUNTESS OF MERIONETH AND BARONESS GREENWICH from novem of 1947 to feb of 1952...which if ya ask me was a bit "uppity" fer a title don't'cha think? i mean it's not like yer the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of yer own universe lady!

to ultimately simplify'n it all down (so she wouldn't end up gett'n a bad case of carpet tunnel syndrome sign'n all those autographs) to HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN ELIZABETH from feb of 1952 until she peaceful passed away on sept 8th 2022 after 70 years of leave'n ring around the crown (here's hope'n the staff oxy cleaned the fuck outta it...i'm just say'n)

say what you will about the QUEEN whether it be good or bad thru-out

her most impressive and longest reign in the royal family (the jury is still out on that "unfortunate accident" in '97) the broad knew how to pull off a jaunty hat with savoir flair durin' her blue rinse reign

though we unfortunately never gotta chance to gossip over a lovey hot

steam'n cup of earl grey and jaffa biscuits when i was at Buckingham Palace in '95 '99 or '02 due to security have'n an attitude with me all cuz i needed to dip into the loo fer a #2...i have always been fascinated by yer regalities and hope you get to reunite with yer beloved PHILLIP

that's "IF" DIANA let's you thru the pearly gates ma'am (of course you'd have to believe in that delusional playground in the sky as well)

BUTT...wait there's one more

now i've stuck with her thru the wilderness...struck a pose or two with her

on the dance floor and have even give'n her all my love (include'n my 401k...a few vital organs and even downgraded my dignity just so i could see her last couple of concerts a few years ago in the Minne-Apple)

unfortunately...i must'a huffed on too much freezer coolant the other day

when i went to grab a hot pocket fer lunch outta the icebox and happened to come across a blurb online that my fav-o-rit QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR was doin a remake to her smash ABBA influenced hit "HUNG-UP" 

and seen what her latest fashion crazy fer the remake would be and it pains me to say this cuz remember i was huff'n on all that freezer coolant...in spite of all that it's tough love time from a life long worshipper...

mmmm freezer coolant

i can barely tolerate the bleached brows with the burnt sienna wig you got 

on sale at party city...however a BASEBALL hat??? yer the fuck'n style

ICON of the entire UNIVERSE M-A-D-O-N-N-A fer JESUS MARY KATE and ASHLEY SIMPSON on a flakey graham cracker cross...you can have ANY top fashion designer on the globe who would gladly give you their soul to let you live ferever just to design you in somethin glamorous and boundary break'n that all the desperate bitches beneath yer feet who will eventually fuck it up try'na make a piss poor reproduction of it fer themselves on their next photo shoot fer the Lillian Vernon catalog...

you seriously don't have to look like some sad rejected back-up dance'n fly girl from tv's "IN LIVING COLOR"...you really don't

ever since you purchased PETE BURNS eyepatch from SOTHERBY's 

a few years back after his untimely death and decided to have Mercy buy you that glue gun fer Kabbalah class with her weekly allowance and then "borrowed" a handful of Lourdes Marie Veronica Ciccone Leon's facial gems outta her closet 

to create yer MADAME X look...things just haven't been the same!

seriously M...i get a distinct feel'n that yer lovely adoptive kids you j'adore

with all yer rebel heart that you won with yer platinum Amex card from that claw machine when you went out fer breakfast at a Denny's in Malawi all those years ago have been call'n all yer fashion shots fer you these past few years (which is fine since they're yer kids) however...i couldn't even read yer tarot cards in the VIP section when i flew my plump A double snakes to NY to visit with you at yer roller disco party in Central Park recently 

fer the release of yer incredible 3cd remix set of yer 50 #1's which has already gone to #1 in 7 countries...just cuz yer kids were there...and inspite of all that

why isn't yer spanish lullaby apart of this collection? it was #1 in 9 countries back in '87

and i was all about high five'n you on yer hot new 23 year old throat plunge'n model ANDREW DARNELL you had with you (meeeeouch) nonetheless i only got free shade...cocktails and a chance of collect'n athletes foot with those rental skates...

though i have a distinct feel'n we're gonna be see'n you in glittered horns in the near future with that stare you gave me that nite!

and ps...i didn't really mind the caps during the "EROTICA" phase like alot

of the others who complained about them in the 90's or even the 1st few times i saw you photographed in those grills recently fer the past 5 years roughly...i know ya just wanna "get down" with the "crips" and the "blood's" or whatever names they're goin by these days...

except on print they just look like you got lemon flavored gummy bears stuck between yer teeth and i'm just gonna say it since NO ONE in yer camp apparently has the balls (cuz you are seriously far from yer prime steak and cake days)

the ONLY thing that looks good on grills these days are shish kabobs and that's only fer a maximum of 10 minutes...so please call me...

i got some ideas!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

the WINNERS take it all!

just like that jilted love affair song so eloquently goes...

"the winner takes it all...the loser stand'n small"...by those poly blend'n saucy Swedes many disco balls ago

this years midterms were like a proverbial Muriel moment fer the dems

"now my life is as good as an ABBA song" now that we've take'n back the HOUSE

with roughly 100 estrogen replacement contestants winn'n many seats

in congress...and many of them bein' 1st's as well...like the 1st muslim women ever elected...MN's ILAN OMAR and MI's RASHIDA TLIAB...to the 1st ever native american women elected...KS's SHARICE DAVIDS and NM's DEB HAALAND

include'n my personal fav...MN's AMY KLOBUCHAR...who kicked ass recently...grill'n the future date rapist of the Supreme Court...and kudo's to the many many others i can't unfortunately picture  (well cuz yer attention spans aren't that long kittens...plus there's google if you need more names)

BUTT...

 lets not ferget there's somethin' about mary...CO's JARED POLIS...bein the 1st open non heterosexual governor...along with 149 other openly lgbtxwzpdq candidates...gett'n a chance to have a voice fer the masses...of course there's some religious asswipes in the state that aren't gonna be all to pleased about this 

and thankfully they won too...cuz they thwarted off the many evil diseased

riddled caravans of terrorists and rapists that were moments away from invade'n our protected boarders all the way up to til the nite of election...so congrats to you all!

though...it's NOT all about winn'n...we can't ferget the losers stand'n small

fer starters...the biggest of them all...kentucky's unlucky Miss Split Ends 2018 and righteous rectal wart hog...Kim Davis...who caused all that uproar over break'n the law in 2015...by stand'n her hypocritical grounds believe'n marriage is between a woman and her many men...by deny'n DAVID ERMOLD and his husband a marriage license

and then of course there's cheddar head-up-special-interest-ass and anal suppository spokesmodel Scott Walker... who can't even ask fer a recount to a too close to call race...cuz of a law he thought would benefit him in the END (pun obviously intended)

and even though Nevada's bunny ranch'n pimp...Dennis Hof...beat out dem hopeful Lesia Romanov...he unfortunately will never get to serve one CHER damn day in office...well...cuz the horny 72 year old bunny fucker did one too many fireballs durin' his bday celebration a couple of weeks earlier...and ended up kick'n the can...(side note though...it takes a special sorta stupid to vote fer a dead man...dont'cha think?)

and lastly of course...is our current mentally deranged lie'n sack of pig shit who's practically use'n the bills of rights as his own personal ass wipe...just cuz with the dems FINALLY took control of the house...and with more women and non hetro's that he'll have too kiss their collective asses if he wants to even look presentable to his base...he's shitt'n bricks and break down in front of the camera

and with his most recent attacks on the report'n media amplify'n...

by pull'n press credentials from accomplished long time WH reporter and parttime George Clooney stunt double...JIM ACOSTA

as well as belittle'n other accomplished political reporters...like APRIL RYAN...YAMICHE ALCINDOR and ABBY PHILLIP...are ya start'n to see a pattern kittens?

if not...google search it...and get off my dress!

Oh brother...what art thou think'n?

we have all tried to make our mark in the world at some point or another

to not be forgotten...to make people remember exactly how it great it was to be alive at that very moment in time...

whether it be topp'n the charts...all while model'n poly blends from TEMPO in the 70's 

or perhaps bein' the Van Gogh for the sexual pleasures of others...by try'n to dip into the perfect shade of pink in the 80's

or me become'n a drug bunny fer the government...for all men with erectile dysfunction over the age of 40 that owe an enormous pat on my back in the 90's

of course no other job will leave an everlast'n impression on the world

than when you are the head honcho in the oval orifice...work'n as hard as you can fer the kittens around country that voted fer them....from OBAMA make'n history as the 1st non caucasian make'n nice twice in the WHITE HOUSE...(there is no BUSH in this line up...well...cuz like my own...i've removed it from my life completely) CLINTON bein the only prez since tricky Dick to give us a surplus...REAGAN give'n us his best alzheimerictic act'n...that was "possibly" caused by choke'n down all those yellow #5 jellybeans while in command...while Carter just gave us nuts!

so i happen to run across a random FB post one day about the current 

piece of mentally deranged pigshit disgrace'n the WH and the country...in my feed...who constantly lies...and decided to leave a simple "observation" of what i saw in the picture

yes some could say he just cleared it off fer the photo shoot..while others could say:

well...some known stalker...who deserves his anonymity...(well cuz they're not an unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe...like myself...and i'm not about to make them any more famous than they already are by appear'n in my world famous blog) decided to question my "observational" comment with a rebuttal...(which i suggest you should not do)

problem #1: start'n off by say'n yer not a "fan as a person"...while try'n to decipher the obvious "observational" joke that i had planted fer all to see for FB eternity...shows INTENT to justify yer support/justification for said pigshit...plain and simple (it's unavoidable)

problem #2: typical repuglicant response by try'n to "deflect" from the main topic by rope'n in a CLINTON...ahhh...of course the ol' deflect and distract game...hmmmm sounds like a tactic we've heard many times before?

gold leader to red leader...stay on target!

i would rather stick tooth picks under my toe nails than continue waste'n ANYMORE time try'n to justify this persons buffoonery

i will not even bother try'n to decipher what or who he's reffer'n to with said rebuttal...instead of course...like a true virgo that i am...hadda have the last informative word...(well...i do)

unfortunately i fergot to screen shoot my entire response to this obvious antagonizer...cuz i was try'n see how many hook-ups were in need of a fuckable offense instead of have'n to deal with a rebuttal to said "observational" joke post...but basically i ended with "cuz if you know ANYONE mentioned from above and are still try'n to justify A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G our mentally deranged piece of pigshit has done or said to mentioned above...whether you voted for him or not...you are bein' complacent and part of the obvious problem"...well...apparently i struck a nerve... 

oh kittens...someone needs a refresher course in arguably justify'n complacency...to get this WORKED UP over a silly lil FB post...yer bein' a bit...

it's so very...i must say...

BUTT...i digress

by now it was time to finish this completely moronic conversation cuz i knew by my next 6 words(with an emoji on the side) i had weaved a big enough web (since i was draw'n a blank fer this weeks hard hitt'n blogness anyways)...that this gullible bug was gonna breakdown any minute and struggle to break free

and trust me...the struggle was R-E-A-L...

wow!...someone put on their smarty britches and ate a bowl of the BIGLIEST words fer breakfast...

i was lost on the matzo ball/Hitler connection...but hey...that's his analogy...good fer you...did you also know... 

"the sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side?"...of course by now...said responder was all butt hurt...and decided to lick his wounds and carry on about his day...

by throw'n up the white flag with a backhanded compliment...oh well...i did my best to hide his anonymity...but fer the purpose of historical proportions...i DO NOT edit ANYONE's response so i can stay true to the facts as a tough as acrylic nails trust worthy commentator...read around the world...to bring you the stories you deserve (almost every monday) that'll brighten up yer otherwise dismally depress'n day

PICK UP YER COPY TODAY!

so i went on my merry lil way to meet my future offend'n...

perpetrate'n throat plunge'n penetrator

now get off my dress!