hound’n the FOX

lemme kick today off by say'n that if you think today's ramblin's are about

some cutesy lil story involve'n some of CASPER's creations...and how they became fuzzy frenemies of the forest...well...i'm here to tell ya...you got on the wrong fuck'n bus...i'm all about the bait and switch kittens!

picture it if you will...the year...1974 and blaxploitation bad ass babe of the

 silver screen PAM GRIER...starr's as the sexually infused hot-blooded FOXY BROWN...who's seek'n vengeance fer her government agent throat plunger who gets shot in cold blood by drug deal'n goons at her front door steps

well...today's guest was 5 when FOXY lit up the screen...and just like

 FOXY...they have 0 regrets lighten'n up the stage...(along with a lil mary jane every now & then)...& dripp'n in sexually charged productions fer over 20 fuck'n years

follow'n in the famous foots steps of a long list of celeb interviews here at 

the orafices of "GET OFF MY DRESS"...like the ever incomparable LADY BUNNY...who i had the pleasure of make'n her as my very 1st celebritaunt interview while land'n the MADONNA MDNA gig to host her officially return to the Minne-Apple after 25 years

that lil non heterosexual door stop star of "WILL & GRACE" & the "SORDID LIVES" franchise LESLIE JORDAN

and that texan tv news anchor turned hot as H-E-double hockey stix porn star daddy...that i bumped into at the last stall to the left one nite at the slutoon in the Minne-Apple...DALLAS STEELE

among many other absolute pleasurable mentions thru-out my dimly lit career here...give'n you yer weekly dose of irresistible skepticism to make you ferget about yer insignificant miserable existence...even it is fer just a mere 3 minutes (depend'n how brain damaged ya are)

hold on to yer hair piece kittens...fer today's special guest is here...via

 satellite...i give you thee one and only bad ass boss of burlesque...FOXY TANN!

so glad you could pop a squat with me to entertain my legion of lesions thru-out the planet consider'n that you've been in the biz of show...
entertain'n the masses that sit on their asses ever since 1997 google tells me...can you tell inquire'n minds...like myself...as to how FOXY TANN came to fruition and to whom were some of yer very earliest influencers that made you become the big bad ass of burlesque that you are today?

in a very strange way, I feel like The Fox (as i refer to myself in the 3rd person, like all good celebrities) came into being the minute i saw my first drag show at The PHouse in Orlando. And i was like, this is a fantastic job how do i fucking do that? It took a few years, but eventually I produced a show called The Superior Lounge at The Gay 90s and the people that made that whole show happen are who i consider as being in the labor room for the birth of The Fox. Sara Moore-The Old Clown, for giving me the original words. 

Camille Collins ShowGirl of the North for opening the door to a bunch of vaginas to perform in a dirty mans club. Leah Nelson for getting it and choreographing it. 

But quite honestly, if i hadn’t seen John Waters movies, Rocky Horror and Liquid Sky in my early teens I don’t think that i would be the show ho that i am today.

you've entertained many crowds amongst the LGBTYXPDQ community (did i miss anyone fer christ sakes?) & performed with many a diva's thru

out yer illustrious career...from MARGRET CHO to yer WHAM BAM THANK-YOU MA'AMS

from Vegas to Vermont (everyone and everywhere in between)

i've even had the a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e pleasure of share'n the spotlight with you

 durin' the run of the "APRIL SHOWERS" show @ the VARSITY Theater in Dinkytown of the Minne-Apple & also starr'n along side you in the  epic no equity ball bust'n short film i wrote called "MOMMIE QUEEREST" (while i was unfortunately suffer'n from a bad case of pink eye and regrowth) of all whom you've performed with over the years...is there anyone that you'd gladly give yer left tit to...to share the stage with and what city or suburb do you still want to invade where you have not?

Iran, Iraq and the Stans, i really feel like they could really use a show of scantily clad women asserting their independence in the most naked of ways. I have already done Tel Aviv and Jerusalem 

and they just don’t appreciate a well twirled tassel. Next year we want to crack Europe! I have performed there, but not the way that i want to...everything is just so much more lively and less tawdry there...don’t get me wrong...i love tawdry, but my whole life is tawdry, sometimes it would be nice to be taken seriously...you see in Europe they consider us to actually be artists! Can you fucking believe that? Respect for entertaining the masses that sit on their asses! Who wouldn’t want to go work there? !? And as to who I would love to work with...i work with some of the bestest people in the fancy, naked people biz, all the time, i am a lucky bitch, 

my dream is to put all the bestest together at the same time on the same stage and do a show that would eclipse the good Dita Von Teese for the bore that she is...oops...was that too much? But honestly Krystal, I am just waiting to take the throne when Oprah gives it up, who the fuck else is gonna fill those shoes? That’s right, Foxy Tann!

recently...you were diagnosed many moons ago with a rare but often over-looked fatally treatable disease...pulmonary glitterassdias..that's more 

commonly known as "GLITTER LUNG" that has affected the careers of many many people...up to and include'n LIZ T & LIBERACE (R.I.P) 

even MARTHA STEWART was affected by this undiagnosed disease...all down to yer love of all things that sparkle...

you yerself became the reign'n spokesmodel fer G.L.A.M (Glitter Lung Association of Minnesota) how are yer lungs today & is there anything that my legion of kittens thru-out the planet can do to help make yer life as comfortable as possible?

The work that i have done for GLAM has been some of the most gratifying that i have done in my life. How many people are affected by GL is astounding! And the symptoms for the most part, until the end stages of the disease, are not visible, so you just don’t know who is infected. The people I have met. The children...gods the children...I tell you, Krystal, I really do it for the children, their tiny glittery lungs, so beautiful, but so deadly. It is heartbreaking isn’t it? i am constantly reminded of other peoples suffering...

every time i go into a Michaels or JoAnns, it’s right there, the glitter, the architect of so many’s demise as well as glamor. But for right now I am comfortable and hopefully i can stay that way with all the leaps in tech that have been made. I will say that one of the best things that my legions of fans can do to keep me comfortable is to start an account for me at StarBuds in CO, I am there almost once a month, cannabinoids being one of the only decent and festive treatments for GL, and i think that would definitively make this woman super duper high and happy! Another way that you can support The Fox is by actually supporting The Fox. Come out to a show! Why the fuck are you at home? That TV ain’t your friend.

I mean, I’ve seen TV, it’s all butt cream, erection pills and fear! Come to a Foxy Tann show and I promise you that you will not get any of that shit! Not ads for depression and psoriasis but good, clean nudie fun. But if you can’t do that, you cannot bear to miss that rerun of the Kardashians, my solution is my PayPal addie, foxytann@gmail.com, and it accepts support and comfort 24/7/365!

a lil birdie tells me yer that turn'n a half century in the not so distant future...(which i simply completely don't believe it) but without look'n back at the last half century that has already defined you...what are you presently most look'n forward to be doin once you hit the very BIG 5-0?

i am excited for my further destupifying! I am sooooo enjoying not being as much of an idiot. It is so satisfying, realizing that aging isn’t all for nothing. I am enjoying being a 50 year old stripper. Something that I would have never done when i was supposedly in my prime. And i am fucking good at it. Go figure. 

I am also looking forward to my official bday party at The Black hart on May 16 at 9pm...i am gonna get rip snorting drunk and hopefully someone will turn up with Bolivian marching powder cuz that’s what you do on your 50th isn’t it...or is that just Thursday? i can never remember.

so why don't we go completely off the grid & tell my flock of feline followers

exactly how much wood...would a woodchuck chuck?

I have heard that it depends on the woodchucks upbringing and general self confidence. If the ‘chuck had supportive agents and a decent education chances are they will succeed in the woodchucking family business.

and now is thee best part of the entire interview that i like to simply call... 

"can we talk about ME fer a change?"

so how this works FOXY is...in yer best OPRAH blouse...ask me anything you want to know about ME under the rainbow...& i mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g that you want (well except about rainbows...cuz that's just fuck'n lazy journalism)

i wanna know how you feel about the death of the super cunty drag queen (my idols) and all of the shade throwing that went along with it...i am consistently at a loss...i miss the catty witticisms, the shade that was revered for it's cleverness not the meanness. Ok the meanness too, it was funny! But it used to be a comedic tool. And now its just not seen as inappropriate. How do you feel about that bitch? I’m allowed to say that here right? This is a safe space right?

well FOX...(i feel we've shared everything now...well...except a STD at this point in our careers....so may i call you FOX...FOXY?) i'm completely cracked up about how the art of drag these days has been smacked up side ways like a cheap but very coutured hooker have'n a bad day try'n rent a room at a motel 6 on some off ramp in Sheboygan Iowa...but the fact that everyone's gotta sell their bitter spleen and "apologize" in advance these days...and hand-out 12 step insecurity blankets

 just cuz some CASPER fear'n...mutha fuck'n...cock suck'n...trailer park rent'n...Jesus...Mary Kate & Ashley Simpson on a crusty cross...#metoo bowel movement...MIGHT possibly get offended...from the Ru-tard's at the reunion specials...to the FB whiners who try their damnedest to try and fry up a back hand sammich comment to someone's post that they feel should be cast into the waste pit of insensitive fuckery...PUHLEEZ!

if yer that weak kittens...here's a quarter...call Alex and buy a damn clue!...and while yer at it...marinate yer mind in some hemmroidal cream and SUCK IT UP SALLY!...and speak'n of rotting road kill with an ego as big as her anal entrance and as talented as a blood clot in clod hoppers

i sent flowers to a mutual adversary of ours to mark the 5th anniversary of her demise...anniversaries mean sooo much...don't they?

i wanna thank the entertain'n bad ass boss of burlesque FOXY TANN 

 fer spend'n some time...tickle'n her typewriter today
 (yea...like i have the budget fer a satellite feed kittens...puhleez!)

to keep up with the bad ass boss of burlesque FOXY ...

follower her on FB @ https://www.facebook.com/Foxy-Tann-537418419687706/

if yer a twatter...twitter her @ https://twitter.com/foxytann?lang=en

if yer come'n to her BIG 5-0 bash in ST Paul MN...click here fer all the info
(and don't ferget to bring ya holla's and ya dolla's...hip replacements aren't cheap)

if you got that itch that you just can't seem to scratch...well...then call a doctor pronto Mr STD 2019

and get off my dress!