the 3 pias little pigs

we all remember that cute lil story about those 3 lil pigs...

and the big bad wolf who tried to huff and puff and bloooow 'em down

unfortunately...that silly lil story has gotten warped and retold...

now these 3 lil pigs and the big bad wolf have infiltrated and indoctrinated the masses who sit on their asses as cheap entertainment these days

but just like any hollyweird remake...the story is bein' retold once again...

this time around though...with these 3 political GOP pigs...give'n it a much much more darker and devious twist than the original version...the only problem we got here though is that these pigs are in it to win it...

with a lil help from this big bad diabolically warped wolf...who apparently has a fetish fer feces

lemme back it up a bit...so the other weekend while the clear...

and completely coherent and conscious winn'n party consist'n of Hills...Marty and the Bernmiester were duke'n it out over the really issues at hand in South Carolina...

these 3 dastardly GOP gimps decided to show their beady lil eyes and shake their pointless pointersin Des Moines Iowa at the National Religious Liberties Convention the Crusaders United Not Take'n Salvation (fer granted) also known as the Fucktards fer Freedom against humanity

led by this absolutely unapologetic ass wipe...pastor fanatical fucktwat Kevin Swanson...preach'n to his fucked flock who decided to attend his sermon...lett'n them know..."it's not a gay time" practically incoherently...and that under no circumstances "don't you dare carve happy faces on open pussy sores"

now here's the thing kittens...though Kev and his congregants have every right to say and listen to whatever bullshit they want to adhere to...to feel complete in their twisted warped little world they've created fer themselves

all cuz of some comic book passages they CHOSE to interpret into their own agenda...create'n their own war...create'n their own confusion and then they think their brain dead zombified fuckards with no consciousness to reality...all of a sudden live in a land where their free speech and their freedom of religion is under attack just cuz muff divers or pole smokers wanna tie the knot

these pias lil piglets with their already well known dirty lil backgrounds...have no chance in H-E-double hockey stix of ever become'n prezzie after WE THE PEOPLE know what their stand'n fer...oh no siree bobbette!

it's a never end'n fight...whatever side you butta yer bread on...it all breaks down to submission or sterilization to them...but like the great BOY said...

there's money in religion

there's money in war

there's money in the bank

so why do i feel so poor?

now get off my dress!

defying a gravitational pull

remember when defy'n gravity meant watch'n the lovely and talented...

Idina Menzel on broadway?

well kittens...hope ya ain't got yer best Loui Vuitton galoshes on today...

cuz we're gonna be schlepp'n thru piles and piles of saturated CASPER cow pies shit!

of course...today's spotlight dance is with the one and (unfortunately)...

not the only spawner of sanctimoniously sacrilegious cherry pick'n passages and Wal-Mart beauty queen runner-up...Kim Davis

so to catch ya kittens up to speed in case ya missed anything...

this Kentucky fried C-U-Next-Time who is a hired state employee...hired to uphold the laws of the land to the best of her ability...decided a couple months back she was above the law...or rather...that her delusional entity... that she only started worshipp'n 4 years ago as a die'n wish to her mother-n-law the thorn in her side...was the only one she has to answer to...since he signs her fuck'n checks apparently...

and denied marriage licenses to these devoted law abide'n citizens who've shared 17 years together

thing is Miss Cuntgeneality...as a governmental employee...yer religious beliefs don't give you permission to defy the SUPREME COURTS decision

nor to shove them down other peoples throat...the only thing us law abide'n non heterosexuals will allow shoved down our throats...is a minimum of 8 inches...*of which i'm not entirely convinced you don't have

so after 4 excruciate'n and embarras'n attempts to tie the knot in their town

only to be denied time after time...the judge decided that Miss Coo Coo Cunt was in contempt of court and tossed this diabetic deity in the klinker...to let her rethink her position and reread her comic book passages...

i believe some delicious examples are found under leviticus 20:10... mark 10:2-12...deuteronomy 22:19 to name a few...after all she was married 4 times...and if i'm not mistake'n...that's one of the no-no's in her comic book passages...so she's basically not only defy'n the law of the land...she's also defy'n the laws of her CASPER

hmmm...does Wal-Mart sell specially designed hail mary rocks...cuz we really outta have one of these everyday...that is if you truly follow the words of yer comic book...

like those do in other lands

well of course after 5 days without any prell shampoo treatments...

her unmanageable mane had now turned to unholy split end'd haystack from hell...so she was finally freed under the condition she'd condition her rats nest and that she returns back to work and performs the duties as instructed by the office she holds...

or there will be consequences

leave it to this delusional presimental canidate dipshitter...who think's Kim...

stood her ground and became a martyr fer their catastrophic cankersaurus cause

now you know...(well if ya don't)...I DON'T condone their... 

fuck'd up fanatical way of think'n like lincoln logs...but when i started to side with A double snake holes like the Westboro Church condemn'n her many marriages...

and the Faux news that screws with the truth...who's also deny'n you a tissue fer yer phony ass tears...it's time fer me to put on my skates...cuz hell just froze ova!

now this thrice married harlot (i'll give her the 1st one as the legitimate virginal wart she presumably was) is claim'n "irreparable injury" due to her contorted convictions...hmmm waste'n precious benjamins that could've easily gone to feed'n the homeless or cure'n the sick...don'tcha think?

in case yer still scratch'n yer religious bells over the fuss of this bloated...

twat-swatter's issues with non heterosexual marriage...here's a handy lil flow chart to her mens-trail cycle to prove the senility of her god fear'n marriages

thing is Kimmie dear...even the kind folk in yer own home town...

have erected a lil lesson about how marriage has already been redefined to fit the times...so i suggest you git yerself some new spectacles and do a lil read'n in that comic book of yers

cuz really...yer act'n like a *DICK in a wig!

in close'n...if you finally decide you can't take the pressure anymore..

and need to relieve yerself of yer honorable duties...i'd think long and hard about other jobs you won't be able to apply fer...cuz well...the comic books says it's not possible without condamnation!

the ONLY thing you got right lady is...YOU ARE NO HERO!

yer just a Kentucky fried CUNT waste'n time with the judicial systems...just to "accommodate" yer deeply held "fucked up cherry pick'n beliefs" who's try'na cash in on some diluted fame that will end up bein' hosted by the likes of Kurt Cameron...if YOU don't wanna be in this dimly lit spotlight you've created fer yerself and cannot fulfill yer governmental duties...then YOU know what you need to do..dont'cha kitten DICK?

of course now she's back at work...work'n harder than ever...

on the inside locked away in her office...with her ouija board summon'n up the ghosts of her past present and future personalities...and Roscoe P Coltrane on the outside guard'n her from the "evil doers"...on the tax payers dime...good to see those god fear'n dollars bein' used fer a worthy cause...

Alex i'd like to take "lack of transparency" fer $1000 pleez?

apparently though...after her dismal martyrdumb wore out...

like a bad hooker on heroin...both Ted Cruise'n fer a bruise'n and Mike Huckleberrypie decided to unfriend notorious K.I.M from Facebook since it didn't give 'em the lead above DUMP TRUCK like they thought it would with the rest of the country...since it's not look'n good fer them in the polls

religions come and go...but non heterosexuality has existed since the beginn'n of time and will continue until the end of times...so the only way

 to ever end the non heterosexual race debate means a complete sterilization of the all current female beef curtains out there...so stick that in yer cup of sanctimonious cafe' and choke on it

if you wanna follow a truly encompass'n and empower'n religion...

catch me at the alter sat oct 3rd...now get off my dress!

it's all goin down south

sorry about bein a day late...but it was presidents day after all...

so i did my bast way to honor the ol' bastards

with the award season already in full swing...

i figured it was time to dust off my hernia heels and febreeze my regret in a simple full length blood clot table runner by Issey Miyake...made from 100% pure silk that's been squeezed from the backsides of a million golden orb spiders from Madagascar by Indonesian whistle children...notice how the barely exisitant waistline exposes my ample and perky A double snakes

 hey M ain't the only one who can pull it of...you got it...YOU FLAUNT IT!

and since i'm on the subject of M...

though her music has had a bit of an incontinence issue a couple of months back just cuz of some fucktard decided he would rather not pay fer 3 square meals and rent on his own...M blew the competition outta the water at the GRAMMY's last week with that exit!

with the globes over and the 87th annual oscars right around the corner...

i figered it was time to honor those worthy of a real award show with a real reason for a loser to win...and WOW!...we haven't even reached april fool's day yet...and already the nominations are pile'n up like the members of ISIS

 the limo's are pull'n up...so let's see who's made the cut this year...

of course leave it to Kanye to make an A double snake of himself...

is anyone surprised really these days?...i'd like to say i'm surprised...

but that's like watch'n the Titanic fer the tenth time and hope'n everyone makes it to shore...his baloney has a first name...and it's Kim...hello...mr. narcissist spotlight hog...there's a room all ready fer ya in desperadoville fer you and that Kankersoreus cling'n on to the spotlight

i hadda good mind to pull out my ouija board and contact Miss Crawford

and have her go ape shit on yer A double snakes fer rush'n the stage during BECK's much deserved grammy win...sit yer ass down fool!

wow...the Pillsbury Doughboy...but why would YOU be nominated?

yer so cute and pokeable

wait a minute...i'm still recover'n from my lasik surgery...lemme get my Yves Saint Laurent spectacles on...those yugoslavian children do such 

impeccable work...dont'cha think?...there...now i can see much better...hey...can ya back up a bit pleez?...you'll soften me up in post production...won'tcha kitten?

oops...my bad...it's  presimental winn'n loser Mike Huckabee...

UGH!...why dont'cha just grab a rake and run it across the chalk board...and while yer at it...grab yer self some suppositories and have a seat...the show's about to begin

welcome to tonite's broadcast of the 5th annual FUCKTARD awards

tonite's telecast is sponsored by the makers of Milk of Amnesia...

cuz it's alot easier than have'n to remember yer full of shit on yer own!

let's go back stage and get a word from tonite's 1st presenter of the even'n

Kim Kankersaurus...
oops...i'm sorry folks...but it looks like our 1st presenter has somehow spontaneously combusted...let that be a lesson to ya kittens...over exposure is not a good thing...oh well...move'n on

and the nominees are :

Floridian republicant senator Marco Rubio...

that i'll even admit under the right mood light'n...is somewhat sorta kinda hot...

 in a Jamie Brewer kinda way...but with alot less brain cells...and no hope fer the Florida's future

fer waste'n time and tax payers benjamins on a very insanely lost battle

hello?...Marco! Polo!...heed some simple advice from Jon Stewart

judges in the greatest banjo bang'n state of cross breed'n...

fer defy'n the law set up by them thar damn yankees in them thar black table clothes... 

eternally constipated chief justice A double snake hole Roy Moore fer not allow'n ANY ALABAMMERS with a chromo-homo-zone the right to marry...even if it's to yer own kin folk

just a hop...skip and moon shine still away...

past thee ol oak tree up on holler crick ridge in Arkansas...where they believe "hangman" is now the politically correct term to use instead of "lynch'n"...to get away from all those unconscionable stereo types of the yester years...by fire'n ya based on yer usage of base...lip gloss and eyeliner

those bed sheet boogie men clowns from Mississippi..

fer gitt'n their testicles in a twist over the equality law passed in their neighbors yard...but really was there EVER a time that they weren't absolute fucktards?

hmmm...politicians and the lack of a good dental plan seem to be hogg'n the limelight this year...oh well what'dya do?...on with the show kittens...

and the winner is (ohhh...i'm so nervous)

Mike Huckleberry Finn...fer his real reason'n why non-heterosexuals should not marry

WOW...you must'a studied hard on yer exams to become the GOP gimp...

you make Deputy Cletus seem like a reliable presidential candidate!

so it boils down to this...religion is like a hard-on kittens...it's fine to have one...it's fine to be proud of it...but puhleez don't whip it out in public

and start wave'n it around like some light saber...and please don't shove it down everyone's throat that don't have a no gag reflex!

well...anyways kittens...thanx fer tune'n in to the 5th annual FUCKTARD awards...congrats to all our nominees...but a word of caution to those try'n to hold up their britches with the bible belt and their skanky bitches...

take these words of wisdom from the all mighty incontinent crypt keeper himself

and just let it go!

if yer supposed ALL MIGHTY is watch'n

then you should take another guess...

cuz if you think that yer unscathable...

well then...you betta get off my dress!