i decided since i didn't have time to contact any designers fer a fabulous frock to showcase on the red carpet this even'n...or be bothered to either
welcome once again to the 3rd annual FUCKTARD AWARDS
tonite's telecast is sponsored by "DAMN TIGHT JEANS"
and by the maker's of the all new and improved "HAMMOND 2000"
(can we get the lights down pleez?) thanx...and tonite's nominee's are...
why look...it's nightly talk show doosh rag fer the right wingers...Bill O"Reilly
by agree'n with his C-U-Next-Time guest
Gretchen Carlson....say'n that "GLEE is a good show with lots of talent and positive messages"...but that the creator is basically turn'n his adolescent viewers into his own personal love slaves
and to think i once thought you had some sense left in you Billy
New Mexico republic*nt...Heather Wilson...runn'n for U.S. Senate
MN Senator Al Franken's anti-LGBT bullying legislation...SB 555 bill known as the "Student Non-Discrimination Act"...
this thin-lipped-twat-lick look'n bee-otch was on record claiming it would "criminalize teasing and punish children"...
this is always fun to read while sipp'n on yer kahlua and coffee?
too bad she don't know how to...ummm READ!...her interpretation is about
as accurate as Newt Gingrinch's definition of marriage
and last...the "ONE MILLION MOMS" organization...who can't count...
ummm...lemme break it down fer ya...it's pretty much just a bunch of pissy has-been cheerleaders...who lost their looks along with their libido...turned into soccer moms from hell who took over the PTA...so they don't have to deal with the fact that their husbands are boink'n the babysitters
these uptight C-U-Next-Timers think they're march'n in the morality parade of biblical proportions...but in reality...
among their many bitch session boycott failures was the Ben and Jerry's
"Schweddy Balls" scandal of 2011...i ask you...what red blooded american homo or hetero...DOESN'T enjoy a gigantic mouthful of creamy maltness?
and then there was that incredibly awful tragedy of ELLENGATE at a popular middle class retail outlet...that happened just a few months ago
now these finger point'n clitorectomies are at a crucial war once again...at "THE BATTLE OF URBAN OUTFITTERS"
and the hiroshima sneak attack by the PENNY once again
no one speaks of mosaics is such a more filthy manner as these agressive
lezbitronic's do...it's absolutely unconscionable and down right grotesque!
kittens...pleez!...stay calm...single file now....THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
i hope you remember yer duck and cover procedures from yer handbook
ok...whew!...this is gonna be a tough one...thee onvelope pleez...
and the winner is...(oh this is soo hard...i hate to see a loser loose)
WAIT!....oh my CHER!...the first time EVER in the FUCKTARD AWARDS history (my fav-o-rit guilty pleasure i've had the pleasure to indulge in)...
it's a 3 WAY TIE!
WOW!...well who'da ever thunk'd it?...but since i'm the host...i get it...it's like a very predictable prediction that i predicted...3rd annual...3 contenders...3 winners! (3 is my lucky number after all)
well kittens...i gotta go...there's someone...ummm... knock'n on my back door...thanx fer come'n...C U NEXT TIME...now get off my dress!