our LADY of RAPTUROUS DEBAUCHERY

though i was brought up irish/catholic…

i’ve only stayed loyal to the irish part every march 17th

the catholicism i was once so happy to be part of as a teenaged alter boy

that i use to follow word for word so i could collect my wings

and hang out with those…as i was taught in loose terms…who’ve taken the express elevator to the clouds…that i think about from time to time

my dad and my 2nd youngest brother Sean...

my grama’s Lorraine…

and Viola

my uncle’s Eugene...

Mike...

and Ed

my aunt’s Laura...

and Pat

and my good friend Bridget who taught me to never forget…

the only 2 famous people whom i’ve never met physically…but on some odd level…felt i had a strange emotional tie to their existence…was Marilyn Monroe…

who has always been a fascination of mine that i thought was always beautiful and lost

and Princess Diana…

who captured the essence of what i thought was the ideal mother

all their candles burned out...way before their memory ever will!

i can recall the lessons i was taught from the powers that be and certain school teachers in catholic school i was attending at the time…did not match the “practice what you preach” philosophy that they so expected us to follow as grow'n teenagers

this one priest that used to come to our house on occasion…

i was about 13 at the time…and was always excited when he…or any adult for that matter…came to the house for a visit cuz it was a chance to take a break from my 5 brothers and 1 sister…

(my youngest brother Mike was make'n a call to nature i believe when this shot was taken by my cuz Tony)

he would check in on how the gang was doin...though during the holiday season...me and all my siblings would get embarrased when he would bring a bunch of church people by with canned goods and boxed food and make us all sing xmas carols in our kitchen

but one particular visit changed everything!

turn’n into known’n exactly who i was as a non heterosexual teenager…BOY GEORGE was adorned all over my walls…

i FINALLY had someone to relate to and look up to that i knew back then…was the same as me…as a non heterosexual

(catholic school frowns on role models to make you feel comfortable when yer not buy’n into the bible bullshit…and i’m sure things haven’t changed much since)

i never saw BOY GEORGE as a sexual desire or a “bow down” delusional entity (though many thought so at the time)…he just gave me a sense of being and awareness of who i was…

plus he had a great style...is a lyrical genious and an incredibly soulful voice...who sang from experience and not from a puppet string!

so anyways… i remember show’n the priest my photo album book of fav-o-rit photo’s that i had collected and wanted nothing to happen to them…and almost immediately when i opened the book…this priest said without skipp’n a beat (or turn’n the page any further)

“G*D does not want YOU to follow and worship people like this”
(and that IS almost a direct quote)

apparently...this priest had a direct connection with G*D almost instantaneously upon laying his eyes on BOY

(wish my cell provider was that fast!)

hmmm…phrases like “thou shall not judge”

in particular stuck out in my mind immediately…

since that was one of the many lessons i was taught from school to CCD classes to church...

but they no longer applied apparently if you are a famous person with creative expression

without boring and break’n down the hypocrisy on any and all organized religions…

believe what you want to believe…i am not here to tell you any different

but don't try and force feed me yer voodoo if you can't practice it yerself!

cuz when ya break them all down…they’re basically say’n…just be nice to everyone!

well except for...

murders...

pedophiles…

pimps…

high collar crime guys...

mental twats...

and republicans!

(insert laugh here)

that’s what the judicial system is for!

i never claimed to be a saint...

i just try to be nice to everyone...until i'm given a good reason to go ape shit on their ass!

we ALL hate being judged...YET...we ALL judge any chance we can get!

we ALL want to feel needed...YET...we ALL seem to be needy!

WE ALL WANT SOMETHIN' to believe in…

so i say keep yer heels high

…and yer expectations low!

and if yer not gonna be nice…then just get off my dress!

ps...last chance to catch the last 2 excite’n performances of
“GET OFF MY DRESS…love is a drag!”
but stay tuned...and check yer local list'ns...fer further list'ns :)

Alex...can i take SSSSSH IT! for $500 pleez!

i’m still coming down from the high of my highly acclaimed oscar meyer wiener performance debut in my very first…very own…very off broadway production of “GET OFF MY DRESS…love is a drag!” from this past friday at BRYANT LAKE BOWL…if you missed my open’n…no worries…you still can come 4 more times…but if you were there…perhaps you just wanna come again

thanx to all those that came that nite…it’s like my biggest open’n i’ve ever seen (it just barely beat out the guy i used to date years back)…i’ll remember fer as long as i can!

then i thought to myself…i said SELF…what haven’t you talked about yet?...what’s the one topic that seems to escape most water cooler conversations?

i thought about it fer a minute...HMMM?...then i thought…SHIT!

seems to be a topic know one wants to talk about…yet we all do it!

it can be interpreted in many many different forms…

the obvious one being…the meatloaf ya hear splash’n in the bowl next to you in a public restroom...while yer try’n to take an inner mission...during yer intermission

(this breaks down into many subdivisional forms as well…but no visuals are necessary…are they?)

but it can also be used as an act of irritation…

“you piece of shit!…you gave me crabs”

take’n care of some elderly incontinent parent…

“can someone else change grannies shit shorts fer a change?”

a term of endearment to a small child...to let them know how much you really care…

“awww…ain’t you the cutest lil’ shit!…now run along and get yer mommie a cocktail before you feel another wire hanger on yer ass...ok kitten”

as a sense of entitlement…

“can someone get this lil’ barfbag outta my sight?…i’m a damn unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist…i don’t have to put up with this shit!...do you know how many blind himalayan migrant children it took to hand stich me this coat?"

then of course…plenty have used it during a fit of frustration…

“dammit…you lil shit…stop it now…or i’ll give ya somethin’ to whine about”

it’s used as a warn’n signal for the giver when wear’n out their knees…

“OOOOH SHIT…OOOH SHIT…i’m comin’…I’M COOOOOOOOMIN’!”
(pic used as speculatory purposes only...consult yer physician if erectile dysfunction occurs)

and also as a sign of depression…

“oh shit…the condom broke…again?!...but i was just gonna start auditions fer the next season of "dancing with the stars"...and i can't pass off another kid as my ma's"

one too many apple-tini’s can be a buzz kill…

“oooooh shit…get outta my waaaaay…think i'm gonna blow chunks again!”

this would be a good sign you need to start popp’n those gingko biloba pills...

“OH SHIT!…i fergot my underwear…AGAIN!”

or when it was THAT good…

“SHIT!…i can’t remember what restroom wall i found his/her number on”

when you have no control on an icy patch at 65 miles per hour…

“SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!”

or make’n out with “mary jane”…

“that’s some good shit maaaaan!”

however you slice it…is fine with me…BUT…if you think fer a minute that yer shit don’t stink…well…you can just get off my dress!

Oh shit!...i almost fergot…this week...i'll be doin back to back performances (thankfully not on my back this time) thursday @ 10pm fer you nite owls and insomniacs and then all over again friday nite @ 7pm at BRYANT LAKE BOWL