a cock...in a frock...on a rock!

sounds like some commerical tag line for some famously stadistic queen...

try'n to peddle her narcotic humor onto the masses...don't it?

that's pretty much the catalyst that started this whole notion in motion in '94

long before Guy Pearce played playboy David...the Prince of Wales

who would become King Edward VIII in "The King's Speech"

before Hugo Weaving portrayed Elrond Lord of Rivendell

one of the mighty rulers of  the middle-earth in "Lord of the Rings" trilogy

and years after Terrence Stamp stole the show

play'n Krystonian supervillian General Zod in "Superman"

they were fabulously frocked and flambouyantly filthy...

as Adam Whitely...the young obnoxious muscle mary...Felicia Jollygoodfellow

as Anthony "Tick" Belrose...the try'n too hardly not to be the str8 act'n and appear'n father of 1...Mitzi Del Bra

and Bernadette Basinger as the grief-stricken transexual...who used to be known as "RALPH"

drive'n thru the australian outback in their barbie budget camper in...

"PRISCILLA QUEEN of the DESERT"

i broke my piggy bank that year take'n as many as i could to see this indy masterpiece...a piece that i wanted to master...which i did when i became...

thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe years later

in 2006 it was adapted for the theater and became...

a hit muscial sensation in it's original homeland of Australia fer 2 glitter'n years

5 years later...it hit the bright lights of broadway...

produced by Bette Midler

Priscilla the Musical has been nominated fer many awards since it began...

 winn'n best musical production and best act'n performance in Sydney

a Laurence Olivier Award for best costume design in London

and best new musical...best support'n actor in a musical...best choreographer and best set design at the Theatergoers Choice Awards in London

also winn'n the Tony Award fer outstanding costume designs in 2011

and FINALLY the tour'n company will be hitt'n the Minne-Apple

at the Orpheum fer a limited time only jan 8th-13th

all the wigs...all the glitz...all the glamour...

and all heels you can handle

check out their page fer a tour stop in a town near you...

you'd be absolutely mad not to!

well...i gotta start gett'n ready...so get off my dress and go!

ps...and don't ferget kitten...

finish up yer frock fer fri feb 1st to!

we're still here?...DAMMIT!

well...there i was all set...my bags were packed...my make-up case in tact...and as a matter of fact...

YES...i planned on bring'n along my incredibly edible not so little stock'n stuffer to that mountain in the tiny French village of Bugarach

wait'n to board the Starship Enterprise...

but turns out...the town's mayor...Jean-Pierre Delord...shut down the whole damn mountain...so of course that fucked up my whole end of the world party plans in the hay with my incredibly edible not so little stock'n stuffer...

Jean-Claude Van-Damn-He's-Hot!

last time i buy a Mayan calendar!

try'n to predict the last moment for the planet earth...

is equivalent of try'n to polish the brass on the Titanic...completely pointless and a waste of time!

history is splattered with apocalyptic panics...

where mental cases think they're the host of some mid morn'n game show

give'n away the contents of their entire piggy banks...or leave'n their sorry assed loved ones...and in some cases...even clock themselves out early...

while everyone else has to end up deal'n with the apocalyptic hangover the next day

so just fer you...some homoglazed cheer...since yer still here...

to tide you over until the next new year!

(sorry you non homo-unless yer drunk hetero's...i'm not an equal oppertunity nutter...deal wit it!)

i had a top 10 list fer ya today...

but didn't wanna step on anyone's twinkle toes...and end up with a lawsuit or sump'n by year's end

so here's my top 11 fav-o-rit alcoholidazed tunes to turn you from...

“bah hum bug"      to   "bring me one more round"

"santa's baby" by Jackie Beat

"merry xxxmas" by Chunky Pam 

"christmas duel" by Cyndi Lauper and The Hives

"christmas wrapping" by The Waitresses

"you ruined my xmas" by The Supreme Fabulettes

"god rest ye merry gentlemen" by Annie Lennox

"do they know it's christmas" by Band-Aid

"happy christmas (war is over)" by Boy George and Antony

"december song" by George Michael

"i want a hippopotamus for christmas" by Gayla Peevey

"santa baby" by Madonna

there ya have it kittens...feel'n the...

                                ho                     ho             HOld on a minute

they're with me!

so fer those plann'n on any more future catastrophic predictions...

 

ya might as well consult one of these experts first!

find yer own little mistle toed monster here...

and get off my dress!

dude!...looks like a LADY

there've been many ladies thru-out history that have made the front pages

there was the 1st lady of the country...

Marsha Washington (now we know where Madonna got the inspriration fer those fingerless gloves)

of course now the 44th 1st lady of the country...

and health conscious crusader fer the country's lil kittens...Michelle Obama

before she became the beautiful Princess of Wales

she was the shy and spirited Lady Diana Spencer

how can you ferget the 1st lady of country music...

Kitty Wells...tell'n us "it wasn't G*D who made honky tonk angels"

or the 1st drunk lesbian puppet with emphysema...

from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood...Lady Elaine

and remember my 1st x-clusive celeb interview

with the hilariously talented... Lady Bunny

but let's not ferget about...

Lady Miss Kier from DEE-LITE

Lady and the Tramp

oops...i meant these 2!

and these gals leak'n their Lady Marmalade all over the stage

but there's only one that all the little monsters around the world look up to...

LADY GAGA

the LADY is burn'n up the charts with hit after amaze'n hit

so get ready to go goo goo fer GAGA once again for...

call'n on all you little mosters anyway i can....

to help celebrate LADY GAGA's return to the Land of 10,000 Lakes

it's time to crawl outta yer shell

yer fav-o-rit unintentionally internationally unknown performing illusionist of her own universe...and dirty gurl of the Minne-Apple...

KRYSTAL KLEER

will be host'n a nite fer all the little monsters skipp'n the stupid bowl parties

(oops i mean super bowl parties)

for the "BORN THIS WAY: little monster bowl"

@

490 North Robert Street, Saint Paul, MN

(651) 292-1844 

Friday February 1st 2013 @ 8pm

21+ w/ID

$5 cover

a portion of the proceeds to benefit the

"BORN THIS WAY FOUNDATION"

here all the hits from...

"Just Dance"

"Bad Romance"

"Judas"

and all the remixed...revisted...and unreleased GAGA music in between

specialty cocktails and shots served thru-out the nite

dress as yer fav-o-rit LADY GAGA look and enter to win fabulous LADY GAGA prizes in the "LADY GAGA DRAG RACE"

sponsored by:

MY SCENE CITY MAGAZINE

SMIRNOFF

stick around til mid-nite fer the grand prize draw'n for 2 tickets to the

"BORN THIS WAY BALL"

(must be present to win)

whether you "wanna hold em like they do in texas please"

or just want to "follow you until you love me"

maybe you "got both hands in her pocket"

or you feel like "silicone...saline...poison...inject me baby"

or know it "doesn't matter if you love him...or capital H-I-M"

there'll be plenty fer any little monster to wanna go...

rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!...roma-roma-mamaa...Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!

so plug in yer glue gun...pull out yer shoulder pads and highest heels...

thaw out yer steaks...and come out fer a complete nite of LADY GAGA madness @ CAMP fri february 1st 2013 @ 8pm

or just get off my dress!