WOLVES IN CHEAP TV MORALS

the earliest i can ever recall when i was forced into believe'n that the 

regurgitated cultism of CASPER crusade'n (otherwise known to most as the fear monger'n catholicism cult) was in the mid 1970's when i used to watch the quirky open-minded yet unabashed FATHER MULCAHY from the 4077 infantry on the popular war series M*A*S*H that was time stamped durin' the Korean War (1950-1953) which ran fer 11 brilliantly funny and tragic seasons

by 1983 i was forced to leave my newly acquired public grade school 

gang of goofballs from the 6th grade at Madison behind and join the cult of CASPER crusader's at COTTER high (which some were barely tolerable at the very least) though a majority of them include'n teachers like Mrs. Blank...Mr. Lisowski…Mr. O'Brien and Principal Bork made my academic studies unbearably miserable fer 4 treacherous years that were all but fergotten about by the time i had a break-down and was able to continue my public education once again by 11th grade until i called it quits by years end fer G.E.D county (honorable mention to those that actually made it comfortably bearable at Cotter were Miss Kentiz..Mrs. Piper...Diane Drake and Sister Jan)

though i had become an alter boy by the mid 1980's in hopes to follow in  

the fictional footsteps of Father Mulcahy some day that my aunt Ellen jokingly wanted me to...ironically it was CULTURE CLUB's hit "THE WAR SONG" that made me give the middle finger to that brainwashed cult i was sucked into all together when the priest at our parish told me i was not to "idolize people like him" (and yes that was a direct quote kittens) after show'n him my photo book of pics i cut out and saved from Star Hits magazine when he stopped over at our house one afternoon

the 1st televangelists that caught my eye in the 80's were the lashes of lady

 preacher from International Falls, MN and her hedonistic hubby who formed tv's 1st popular christian broadcast series in the mid 70's with THE PTL CLUB which was short i believe fer "THE PRETTY TALENTED LIARS CLUB" (though some say technically it was known as the PRAISE THE LORD CLUB) it had changed names a couple times thru-out it's 14 years of robb'n the poorly warped and uneducated to make them rich beyond their beliefs...starr'n JIM and TAMMY FAYE BAKER from 1974 til 1987 

TAMMY FAYE would rock the broadcasters across the country by cause'n 

quite a controversy by putt'n a bee in the bonnet amongst the religious relics even before that alzheimered jellybean prez would bother acknowledge'n the crisis...by bein' the 1st advocate fer AIDS awareness interview'n a cock suck'n christian pastor live'n with the dreaded disease back in 1985

of course not surprise'nly her hubby JIM would eventually get busted with his rosary beads down around JESSICA HAHN's ankles...pay'n her off with $279k in hush money from the PTL collection plate before gett'n busted fer cook'n the books and receive'n an 8 year vaca in the federal po-po

the lobotomized flock couldn't escape the gravitational pull of chaucerian 

fraudster...the diabetic demon with gastronomic glandular issues JERRY FALWELL...who had built the biblical barracks fer future CASPER cultists called Liberty University milk’n millions since the 70's desperately try’n to influence the masses on their asses with his apocalyptic anal-warted agenda...by the 90's he singled out UK's children's program the TELLETUBBIES...

specifically the absurdly ambiguousness character TINKY WINKY with their eggplant fur...wi-fi head piece and of course the magic red prada purse and their fascination of skipp'n thru the tulips in a tutu which was obviously just a ploy try'n to indoctrinate male tikes into wear'n tiara's and the art of anal bead'n

by sept 2001 he pointed his blood sausaged fingers on the cock-suckers...

muffin divers...abortionists...feminists and the pagans of Pensacola and everywhere else around the country fer the attacks on the World Trade Center...luckily sanity prevailed and that glutenous gargoyle finally choked on his seethin' spite at his desk in 2007 after begg'n his CASPER fer 20 more years to complete his basturdization of the fabled short stories book most call the bible

though the most colorful cracked out CASPER character was a CROTCH

i'm so sorry...i mean JAN CROUCH with her lavender do jacked up to jesus...JAN and her hubby PAUL co-founded the TBN channel (Total Bullshit Network known by most viewers i guess as the Trinity Broadcast Network...sue me!) with friends JIM AND TAMMY BAKKER in 1974 (though they left by 1975) JAN enjoyed milk'n the meek and mundane followers fer over 30 years

til she was busted by her granddaughter in 2012 who worked at the network fer cash'n in on the collection plate to fund her lavish lifestyle and that enormous wig collection of hers…unfortunately that same year another granddaughter who was 13 at the time sued her granny when JAN was try'na cover-up her granddaughter's rape by a TBN employee blame'n it all on the granddaughter herself. (ain't she a peach!) JAN luckily suffered a massive stroke in may of 2016 and would kick up daises 6 days later at 77

after TAMMY FAYE dropped her hubby fer infidelity and fraud and also

her last name...TAMMY FAYE would rejoice and reinvent herself from phony tv evangelist to LGBTXYZPDQ advocate and marry her 2nd husband ROE RESSNER (who incidentally worked as a builder fer her defunked HERITAGE USA theme park) and enjoyed a resurrection of her very own...

host'n her talk show with LGBTXYZPDQ alumni JIM J BULLOCK on "THE JIM J and TAMMY FAYE SHOW" that only ran one season in 1996 though TAMMY FAYE would make many many other television appearances on numerous talk shows to reality tv thru-out the 90’s

by year 2000...TAMMY FAYE was the subject of a fabulous documentary 

commentated by "SUPERMODEL (you better work)" sensation RUPAUL in "THE EYE"S OF TAMMY FAYE" which documented the rise and fall of her ministry and her faith...TAMMY FAYE would put on her last set of lashes in july of 2007 at 65

by 2021 TAMMY FAYE would be immortalized on the screen once again

with her life turned into a marvelous major motion picture of the same name as her documentary 21 years earlier which won JESSICA CHASTAIN's portrayal of the mascara maven an oscar in 2022

after take'n over where his dad left off years ago JERRY FALWELL JR

would be instrumental in the rise of the mentally deranged orange anal wart weaponize'n the country by donate'n millions to his presidency and lock'n up the regurgitated right wing religious vote...unfortunately fer JR...he would fall far from grace simply by his greedy texts...

where the hypocrisy of his ministry teach'ns is on display in it's finest in this well documented HULU original "GOD FORBID" A MUST SEE! (hack into yer neighbors account if you have to…seriously)

though they weren't necessarily poach'n preachers...they were very vocal

about their faith on their snorefest series that aired on the USA network fer 9 vomitous seasons...til the heads of the household were busted fer (wait fer it...you guessed it) conspiracy to commit a $30 million fraud from the banks and winn'n a total of 19 years behind bars and their accountant gett'n a respectable 3 years...but don't fret my pious pets...

yer fav-o-rit faithless fraudsters will be back in a new series this summer...and i am sure i'll tune in

how beyond brain dead to you have to be to believe that tv theocracy is

nothing more than a religious rip-off hypocrisy?

and the church wonders why their collection plates and pews are dry'n up 

in the end…believe what you wanna believe in (i personally don't give a fiddler's fuck) IT'S YER CHOICE! i myself believe in the praise and practice of MADONNISM which will incidentally be on full glorious display start'n this july…get yer tickets here fer the most masterful mystical musical icon of our time

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

DERAILED & PREVAILED

picture it kittens...the year was...well a year ago 3 weeks back when i had

clocked out fer the very last time after keep'n the seat warm temporarily fer some maxi padder who was out on paid leave fer 3 months all cuz she spread her vicious thighs and vomitted out another reason why she can never have nice things yet hold'n on to the simple fact that her newly acquired cottage cheese ass will 9 times outta 10 most likely prevent her from ever cling'n onto ANY hope fer a future with the baby daddy...while my only hope last summer was a movie called "NOPE"

which turned out to be a H-U-G-E NOPE fer me when i could'a slept at home fer free!

the only interest'n thing that happened in the music world was that we lost

a hand full of rappers due to the ever popular GOP scare tactics of the 2nd amendment rights...except fer COOLIO who had bit the bullet by "cardiac arrest" at 59

sorry i'm not that well versed on the garish grandeur of the gangsta life's

why can't they be more like LESLEY GORE?

maybe they'd still be here if they used their grills fer shish kebabs instead of their teeth...i'm just say'n!

BUTT...anyways

my last place of employment i was work'n fer the government process'n 

cross country hauls fer the large Marge's of the midwest until the contract ended then i set my sights to sail the easy seas of funemployment which consisted mainly of...

organize'n my O.C.D's...

 over-dose'n on E.L.O's...

and rearrange'n my DNA's when time permitted fer a 12 month streak

fortunately fer me...i learned to penny pinch many years ago so i didn't 

squander away all my hard earned covid coins from the previous year on the latest "must have" piece of social media shit that was bombard'n me hourly that i needed at that very moment before it was all sold out

i'll never ferget that time back in 1988 when i survived on $35 i had earned

recycle'n cans and hope'n somethin' would transpire when i was forced to find new means of a roof over my head and my only X (of the 2 X chromosomes persuasion) at the time who generously donated the back seat of her exquisite slightly rusted out 1979 cream colored 4 door mercury marquis colony park station wagon with side wooded panels trimmed in aluminum chrome with slightly burnt sienna interior along with slightly burnt cigarette holes fer that artistic homey feel...retractable seat'n in the back fer maximum comfort on my single blow up water floaty bed that she so generously donated free of charge fer 2 full weeks (that i might add...I HAD TO PERSONALLY FUCK'N ASSEMBLE...thank CHER fer my non used blow job lungs at the time)

til one sunday morn'n when her aunt came out to get the paper before church and asked her niece whom was live'n with her at the time "Cricket...why is yer boyfriend sleep'n in the back seat of yer car?" to which Cricket so nonchalantly replied "eh...i don't know...he said everyone moved outta his house while he skipped school and was told by one of his sibs he would never be able to move into the new house cuz he was an embarrassment to the family...oh yea and he's not my boyfriend anymore cuz he told me he's gay!" (shortly there after i was couch surf'n at the HOUSE of HALL until the matriarch put me on a plausible path to freedom) so you can understand why i would never wanna live that way again!

now where was i? oh yea...if there was anything i needed of urgency i just

shazamm'd my Amazon list over to my good friend Peetrinella who would take care of it durin' the appropriated celebratory festivities when we would partake in them twice a year as i would hers fer the past 30+ years

so once the covid coins started deplete'n after the unemployment was cut 

off…my piggy bank was really become'n all skin and bones thanx in part to my shit mobile catch'n some mechanical covid last feb where i was forced to take out a small loan to cover the costs only to find out the banker fucked me over (and not in a good way) with add-on's i never wanted added on and since i wasn't guaranteed a paycheck fer count'n the popcorn bumps on my bedroom ceil'n which was pretty much a full time job fer my state of mind at the time when dawn broke til mid-day all summer long until the leaves began to pirouette from the trees...or until someone gave me a reason to leave my shitty chateau...i knew my funemployment was come'n to a dead end

and with the many many texts and/or pop-up surprise visits i would do on my deplete'n dime to those who i've been acquainted with over the many many years to keep my barely there sanity a float was only to be met with the many many acquaintances either not return'n a text or with one word responses that i decided i wasn't gonna bother try'n to decipher anymore...i just knew the friendship was futile and it was time to finally focus on myself and stop waste'n precious time with the past that had no interest in my present state of mind

i found myself in a penny pinch'n pickle and started apply'n to any and all

positions that i have had over 22 years of experience in until 20+ online interviews later...week after week...where more than half of the interviewers just happened to have "testical difficulties" and couldn't get their video screen work'n properly (which i figered was just code fer they were hung over or didn't make it to the salon that week) even gett'n deemed an "undesirable candidate" even fer a shitty interview to be a shitty bagger at an ALDI's...i knew the end of year was near fer this desperate queer and with no cash flow in sight...

except fer the generosity of my highland park fairy would paid this ferry a fairly equitable fee to do odds and ends around her and her mothers new luxury live'n...i was ready to sell my shit mobile fer pennies on the dollar just to get by since it doesn’t quite have the same exact spacious leg room like my last home on wheels had cuz pity don't pay the rent (trust me...i've had to do worse)

then just last week after interview'n fer a handful of positions though i felt 

like i'd been fucked over in more positions than ever seemed possible at this point…the employment fairies fulfilled my dream (fer the time bein' anyways) and finally DOLLY PARTON'd me a new position...

and once my FBI background check is completed (of which i'm not worried about) i've take'n my drug screen (of which i'm also not worried about) and receive my free complimentary prostate exam (of which i've studied fer all nite) i'll be good and beyond glad to get back in the game…

and then focus all my artistic energy on the new MADONNA 40th anniversary party (more on that one later down the road) so until then …

enjoy my mix in honor of the QUEEN’s contribution to the world of music fer the past 40 years

so it's time to roller set my muffin and permanently press my panty shields

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

MEDICATED MELODIES

durin' the delicious decadence of the 1980's everyone with all the means

were try'na get everything from their hair high...their heels high and their self consciousness even higher...with glamourize'n hits like "THE TIDE IS HIGH" by bad-ass beauty DEBBIE HARRY lead singer from the new wave 70's and 80's super group BLONDIE...

and hot to trot daddy you could spot out on any give'n nite at the VFW HUEY LEWIS from THE NEWS begg'n "I WANT A NEW DRUG" how could anyone resist the temptation of try'n it out just fer the simple titillation of it all

contrary to popular belief...i'm here to tell ya...not EVERYONE indulged in the hedonistic heroin sheikness of the hairspray hay days

i know i wasn't the only one who listened to Mrs. Reagan in the 1980's

when her uptight bloused bowties discreetly labeled the underbellies of all those highly saccrinated lemonhead box tops

that i would occasionally O.D. on as a teenrager with her message of "JUST SAY NO!"

i never felt the need to be the "cool kid" on the block to try whatever new 

narcotic was pushed in front of my fresh…milky white…nubile body...to feel like i'm fly'n on a celestial cloud of stupidity...amongst the pink hearts…the yellow moons…the orange stars…the green clovers…or the blue diamonds even if those around me chose to

well there was that time from 1993-1994 when i was a guinea pig 

fer the government...however...i got paid for take'n that shit so there's a BIG DIFFERENCE!

i learnt my lesson…but apparently some people didn't listen to SHANNON

when she so fiercely belted out "LET THE MUSIC PLAY"

durin' the 1960's we were still smack in the middle of the VIETNAM war 

and the only way to cope with it was to smack yerself upside yer mind with mind blow'n "alternatives" which was brought to you by the lyrics "you know feel'n' good was good enough for me…good enough for me and my Bobby McGee" thanx to mezzo-soprano rock'n vocalist and war activist JANIS JOPLIN...unfortunately she's been feel'n good fer eternity since she died october 4th, 1970 of a heroin overdose at the age of 27

with the punk movement come'n to a decline by the end of the 1970's

 no one stood out more in the movement than lead singer SID VICIOUS of the SEX PISTOLS who incoherently mumbled out "and now the end is near and so i face the final curtain...ha ha ha you cunt...i'm not a queer…i'll state my case  of which i'm certain...i've lived a life that's fool and each and every highway…and more, much more than this…i did it my way" and he did it his way when SID died february 2nd, 1979 of a heroin overdose at the age of 22.

with the height of grunge in the 1990's came the low points when leader 

of the biggest band of the decade KURT COLBAIN of NIRVANA sang "with the lights out it's less dangerous…here we are now entertain us…i feel stupid and contagious" and he's been entertain'n himself after he died april 5th' 1994 from a single gun shot wound with a high concentration of heroin and valium found in his system at the age of 27

already a #1 hit when 1st released in 1974 and then once again it was #1 

in 1982 by country goddess DOLLY PARTON...however by the time 1992 rolled around "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" was cemented on the charts fer 14 weeks thanx to the remake by WHITNEY HOUSTON...unfortunately WHITNEY wasn't sing'n it to an old biz partner as much as she was to her addiction demons that would take control of WHITNEY by feb 11th, 2012 at the age of 48

by the 2nd anniversary of COVID...the teen rapper who rode on the tails of

his brother's boy band BACKSTREET BOYS in the late 90's and early 2000's...AARON CARTER had it all...fame...fortune and fans around the world though unfortunately had one too many fun times when he was found by his maid service in his bathtub of an apparent overdose on novem 5th, 2022 at the age of 34 (which is still TBD)

then a few days after the Golden Globes which aired on jan 10th, 2023

the only daughter of the King of Rock-N-Roll LISA MARIE PRESELEY had suffered a cardiac arrest twice and eventually put into a medically induced coma before succumb'n to her health issues on jan. 12th 2023 at 54 years old and though it's still unknown what the actual cause of her cardiac arrest was pend’n the toxicology report…i'm pretty sure 5 stints in rehab fer drug use didn't help her health and probably played some unfortunate part in her early demise

though there's no question that each and every one of these entertainers 

were 100% talented in their own right...nonetheless they should NOT be branded as the GREATEST of their time cuz if they were really that great dont'cha think they would still be here make'n music?

now don't go jump'n down my throat and say i am being insensitive and 

heartless cuz yes i know they have family...i know they have friends and i know they have fans that will miss them terribly (include'n their drug dealers) however...leave it to the corporate piggly wiggley's to turn a tragedy into a cash cow milk'n these above mentioned artists and many others to fill their own heartless piggy banks...instead of say'n to them and those who might have had the chance to shine in the spotlight "look here (fill in the blank) if you can't control the demons that are eat'n away at you and seek help you will no longer be around...PERIOD!" 

though in the same breath (since i nor most of you read'n this were probably never there when they signed the contract to begin with) maybe they were told plenty of times over and over they're kill'n themselves and they  just couldn't get over whatever it was that was eat'n away at them

ultimately in the end...we are ALL responsible for ourselves!

BUTT...it's not all that bad

plenty of talented musicians have slayed their "party monster" demons

and still live on to let the music play...most notably of course is BOY GEORGE

when way back in the late 80's was said to have only 8 weeks to live (i even secretly held a vigil in my room hope'n it would never come to fruition)

BOY would eventually kick his drug addictions a few times thru-out his

 brilliant "karma" career after bein' subjected to clean the streets of the big apple for 5 days in 2006...

and unfortunately 3 years later would do 4 more months in Edmunds Hill prison in 2009 til he finally cleaned up his act fer good...even take'n a poke at his time behind bars with his cheeky hit "PENTONVILLE  BLUES"

BOY never realized until now how lucky that he is to have the longevity in his career that most musicians would dare to dream of...Boy George is 61 today and is still making music

the queen of the dance floor has even admitted to dabble'n in drugs durin'

the early days of her career but has also said "it wasn't the smartest thing" she's ever done...she would rather rule the world as she told DICK CLARK on AMERICAN BANDSTAND in 1984 and she has...

at 64 MADONNA is still make'n music and is set to take the stage later this year fer the 40th anniversary with her greatest hits spann'n her entire career into a massive tour to beat all tours

DEBBIE HARRY admitted that she herself fell to the addiction with many 

drugs dur'in her career until she became addicted to heroin for 2 years after being dropped by her label...with the IRS seize'n all her assets and home and her manager quitt'n on her at the same time...DEBBIE finally sought help with the help of her then boyfriend Chris Stein and kicked her habit for good and went on to be a complete success...dropp'n a string of amaze'n hits from "CALL ME" to "SUGAR ON THE SIDE" released in 2014...

DEBBIE HARRY is 77 today and has no plans of slow down in the senior center

OZZY OSBOURNE had battled roughly 40 years of drugs and alcohol 

abuse nonetheless finally conquer'n his demons thanx to his wife Sharon who offered to manage him as a solo artist...

and at 74 OZZY dropped his 13th studio album with the track "ONE OF THOSE DAYS" in the fall of 2022

recently i ran into an X of mine whom i had made music with years ago

(though not in a studio sett'n per say...more like my studioish shitbox if ya catch my drift) that was struggle'n with his own narcotic nightmares at the time and it seemed like he was in a better place from what i could witness while i was buy'n an onion...see...it can be done!

so for any of you think'n about mainline'n whatever someone may offer  

you just to see how it feels (though i don't condone it) i won't condemn those who do...it's yer fuck'n life...do with it what you will!

though don't get mad at anyone if the house falls down on top of you…

the help is there if you want it

in the end…if i wanna get high i’ll add another inch to my heels

now GET OFF MY DRESS!