last we left off...our damn cell was in distress...
in Kit Carson Colorado
well mine was anyways...and really...that's all that matters...cuz i couldn't get a proper damn signal to be had fer miles and miles...i was completely goin thru c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e major SCRUFF withdraw...but i'm better now (at least that's what the lil people live'n in my head told me)
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and now...see if you can make it thru thee excruciate'n concussion of a NEW MEXICOMA faster than a demented 12 year old can eat'n a bowl of the latest breakfast fad fer whiter teeth
captain's blog...16:15 hrs just barely over the border of Colorado
by now...my ego was completely bruised and battered and sweat'n like a priest on the playground at some local road side pump-n-munch pit stop...
in Trinidad...WTF?
seriously...i thought we were suppose to take that left turn towards Albuquerque mister driver?
after what almost felt completely like a total bond'n experience with my blood full 2 million some hrs on this road trip from H-E-double hockey stix...mister mechanic decided to double check this satanic monstrosity mobile's lubrication...
so i decided to do my own lube job...and popped on over across the road to make a fast 50...
WHY NOT!
once back on the road...it was back to me fold'n up into suitcase city
in the center square...but another 30 miles down the road we made it to Model, CO...we all decided to stop and stretch our ache'n ligaments once again and grab some grub...and luckily fer me...after poke'n around...i happened to find myself a quaint lil time share that would go perfect with my current outlook on life as it was...that i figered someday i could completely see myself retire'n to and decided to plunk down a few pesos and a half eaten chimichanga to keep it on hold fer a couple days til i made my way back...and lemme tell ya kittens...this place had plenty of ample leg room...built in irrigational style water park...surrounded by beautifully majestic mountain scenery fer as far as my blurred corneas could see...
with no Mrs. Kravitz's fer miles and miles...or gas station...or grocery store...or any reason to live really...hmmm...perhaps i outta rethink this one!
as my vegan chauffeur decided to take full advantage and graze in the road side cafe right outside the edge of town...i on the other hand decided to take matters into my own hands cuz i was bake'n like a Betty Crocker cake under the blaze'n Colorado sun...but ya know what?...not one damn substantial bid...not even any canned goods...
of course DAH MAN didn't fair any better!
jezus...Mary Kate and Ashley Simpson bro...quit pick'n yer seat and read'n the fuck'n road side map...this is 2018...I HAVE GPS!
10 minutes later we came across a sign that i had never come across before...and fer the next 20 minutes i felt totally cheated...i mean P-U-H-L-E-E-Z!...i seen more ritual bath'n ball scratch'n bears on scruff than i ever did along side the road!
captain's blog...18:00 hrs: border of my NEW MEXICOMA
well to the border anyways...we still would have another 2 hours ahead of us before we would reach my cuz's in Albuquerque...
but i was so ready to give myself another home lobotomy perm so i could erase the thought of ever doin a road trip like this again...we made our final sacrificial meatloaf to the porcelain god in Las Vegas, NM
how vommitously nice to find a rest stop that was hip to the whole #METOO movement...while you hadda make a movement
i was lost on this contraception contraption...but i needed to buff a shiner out quick before my eggs would start to scramble in this heat...and if it's hands free...even better...OH WAIT...you can use it on yer boots too?...you crazy New Mexicano's...what will you think of next?
captain's blog...20:39 Albuquerque, New Mexico
i couldn't believe it...WE WERE F-I-N-A-L-L-Y fuck'n here...my hooves were cry'n like a plucked starve'n baby from a sucklin' contest
off in the distance i could see my cuz wave'n us down...so my brother...oops...i mean CHICO (everyone deserves their anonymity)...backed the uhaul up to my aunts patio so it'd be alot easier to unload her shit...i mean...her lovely one of a kind shit!
once everything was outta the truck...we gobbled down on a bowl of enema's and voli fer the next few days
if i hadda use one word to describe this town: BROWN...and that don't even look good on a cardboard box...but we made the most of it...
climb'n 10,000 feet on the tramway...in the air...up Sandia Peak...had me wish'n i had remembered i was petrified of heights after 10 feet up...but i will say this...look'n out at the mind-blow'n...sublime moon lit kissed skies that nite...it was a once in a lifetime kodak moment...that SUCKED!...i really wanted...no...NEEDED to be below all the those fuck'n rocks...
look'n above at some chilled rocks..marinate'n in another fabooshka infused deliciousness at M'Tucci's...they're cumcumber/mint infused mind eraser was an AA recipients paradise...i swear to CHER!
the follow'n day DAH MAN was give'n me cinco de mayonnaise realness in Old Town Albuquerque after a couple "special" Old town aqua's
after 4 days together with CHICO and DAH MAN...they hadda get back...
to reality...and as much as i detested the ride down there...i would'a never made the pilgrimage if it wasn't with them both...it was a good bond'n experience...that i'll do anytime with them again...as long as i can get a smurfy bag of nuts and a half can of somethin' fizzy...with no lay over...unless it's over ME!
the next day...me and my cuz's ended up take'n another road trip to...
Santa Fe...to one of the 8th wonders of the "why the hell am i goin here again?" world...well...until i found out that this was thee fuck'n wondrously awesome-sauced world of
MEOW WOLF...and just trust me...if you haven't kittens...think Coraline's alternate world vs BEETLEJUICE's world...and trust me...the pix don't do it justice...it's
A MUST X-PERIENCE you have to experience!
thankfully though...my pilgrimage to this pretty lil overgrown town of rocks
was not entirely done in vain...as i got to complete my vaca with a quick stop at Walter White's and a slice of pepperoni on the sly...to throw down MY throat and not on "his" rooftop...after i seen the current owner take her seat in the driveway...listen...i understand the right to privacy...but that CASPER awful cage around their house is not needed...
may i suggest perhaps a mote...with killer piranha's...too keep the crazy's out? just a suggestion...talk amongst yer fam...but listen...i'm sure as much as they hate the fans stopp'n by unannounced after all these years...they love it just as much or they'da completely rearranged the entire structure and color scheme of the house
back at my cuzzie wuzzie's palatial pueblo...this tough guy was runn'n...
the roost and there ain't no room fer 2 bitches in this palace...so i headed back to my aunt's to count sheep
by the next morn'n...i was over my New Mexicoma...it was time to finally bid ado to my boo (insert forced smile here)...part'n is such sweet relief they say...but fuck it...i was ready to be on my way...(hey i'm just not that down with brown town) so until we meet again...and i'm sure we will...without bein under duress...p-u-h-l-e-e-z...
GET OFF MY DRESS!
thanx in part to the fine folk at google research centers...who reminded me after a couple of simple keys strokes...that back in 2012...Mr. self professed wholesome wonder bread Casper Crusader himself...lil Timmy Tebow...knelt fer all the unborn "alleged"future assholes of the world and
the fans looked at him as if he's the 2nd come'n of CASPER...but when Kaepernick started kneel'n in 2016...due to the injustices that HIS bro's hadda deal with thanx to a handful of police across the country...he's all of a sudden seen as unpatriotic and a traitor...it makes absolutely NO FUCK'N SENSE
ohhhh hold up...waaaaait a minute...NOOOOOW I GET IT!
