thee ONLY reason to ever suffer thru this dreadful hot poker up the jaxie
maryjane induced tragic comedy is becuz of Seann William Scott's scatter-cushioned lips...and his grrrrranimal magnetism...PERIOD!
BUTT...in the end
this sorta made me think of the issues i had a few weeks back that involved my very own shit mobile that was barely hold'n together by duct tape and quite a few hail mary's every time i traveled beyond my safety bubble of my shitbox...(i'm sorry)...i shouldn't be so negative...i meant to say...my quaint lil shit box
i acquired said shit mobile fer a buck after my sibs hadda toss one of our
reclused relatives into a state run shitbox...excuse me...i mean refined raisin ranch...where metamucil parades and Matlock marathons kept him busy fer the better part of the day...after my prior shit mobile was putt'n me into the poor house after 12 years together
flash forward to 2 1/2 years and i decided i no longer desired to turn into
a puddle every time i took that long ass 2 hr trip back home to Winona...so i decided one early afternoon since i had some free time on my hands...i'd take a road trip and hire my exceptionally mechanically talented nephew to get the air to finally work properly in my mobile
after a few hours tinker'n around with the innards...and roughly $200 later...i FINALLY had air...i can't even describe how elated i was...just close yer eyes and visualize kittens...it felt like i was Han Solo hunt'n fer Skywalker on Hoth...that i almost hadda knit myself a shawl...there was only one prob...i no longer had a horn!
there was absolutely NO WAY i i could live without my precious horn...i mean...i am thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe after all...i wasn't about to loose my voice when i needed all those saturday nite assholes to get outta my way...when i was doin that drive of shame desperately try'na make it to some Remington party and was gett'n sick of wait'n fer my friend to get her bag of spicy corn nuts and cherry slushie...so it was back to puddle city...and back to the cities
by the time i had arrived back home...it was time to get some groceries...
and don't you hate when this happens to ME...i'm in a rush to get outta my girdle...throw some simple supper together and relax to my sunday nite dvd programm'n and my damn neighbor Gladys had to stop and talk to me about how delish her damn spam casserole surprise was with the Bronstein's over the weekend...
i said "Gladys...i'm glad my recipe helped out and all...but gurl puleez!...it's been a long ass shitty day and my diet pills are start'n to wear off...i just wanna get home...fix me an Ovaltine cocktail and watch me some Trapper John MD season 3...H-E-L-L-O GONZO GATES"
"see you at Bingo next weekend...tah tah!"
well...wouldn't you know it...as i tried reverse'n my shit mobile outta the lot
it decided to go forward! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
after a mini meltdown and 3 ho-ho's later...i decided i had had it with this
piece of shit transport system...that...even if it initially only costed me a very small fortune of 1 crisp benjamin...i had now just sunk $200 in it fer air i would never be able to get comfort from on those long hot summer "indiscretionable" nites...and don't even get me started on the already $1700 i had put into it puke'n on me over the last couple of years...so i knew i would have to break down and find a local mechanic to fix whatever the current issue was...and by morn'n...my trouble weren't ANY better!
though the pork chop at the front counter at the closest station i could find
near me which was in the downtown area of the Minne-Apple...wait'n on me...was pleasantly use'n his comfort'n inside voice and tactics to assure me everything was gonna be ok...i would come to find out 6 hours later there was no way i could smack him cuz he was FULL OF GELATINOUS SHIT!...
try'na tell me there was a leak in my brake line (of which i already informed him of) and cuz my car bein' 1999...that they no longer made brake lines fer that model car...and that they would have to 1st build a mold to pour in the metal then meticulously sculpt it to fit my out of production car...fer the low low price of $2400 and some small pocket change!
needless to say...i was in zero fucksville central at that very moment in time and decided to look at my other options
after a few more meltdowns at home and 5 ho-ho's boxes later...i decided it was time to explore other options of purchase'n a new vehicular system
of transport...but what would it be?...though Sanford and Son's truck would come in handy when have'n to move my mountains of dvd's and make-up cases...but then i'd be forced to help others...and though i do give to charitable causes whenever i can...i prefer antibiotics to help clear up any confusion
my next thought was...hey...how about somethin' Dixie mobile-ish?...i'd look super cute climb'n outta my jeep in my hysterectomy shorts...but not very practical fer those long winter runs around the park late at nite
i always wanted to ride around in nostalgic style...but i'd go ape shit on the 1st shit head that spilled on my faux leopard interior
then i thought...i needed somethin' that's slick and doesn't seat more than me and my groceries so i no longer hadda be the proverbially free Uber system fer the many freeloaders in town that assume i fill my tank off of my good looks...but then i figer'd K.I.T insurance was gonna cost more than i really wanted to fork out
and as much as a 70's style hotel on wheels would be ideal fer those "sticky" situations at nite...gas ain't cheap!
in the end...i ended up with my nephews girlfriends 2014 outta my
price range but affordably adjustable dusty dark blue mobile...i believe the technical color term is midnite at the oasis...WITH ARCTIC AIR...that you practically need a down feathered shawl to really appreciate it...
that's all folks!
now get off my dress!
GO SEE MICHAEL MOORE'S BEYOND BRILLIANT MOVIE...FAHRENHEIT 11/9 now play'n everywhere...
