WASTE MANAGEMENT pt. 1

born october 7th 1917...Eleanor Geisman was the all american flaxen

blonde with her girl next door "good looks" if you wanna call em that (hey...she don't float my boat...get over it!) who grew up in the Bronx inside the Big Apple with big dreams of starr'n on stage and screen all of which she did fer a few glorious decades...

BUTT unfortunately in the end...

her career L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y went down the shitter (with the Gen X'ers anyways) fer bein best known as the famous old broad who made shitt'n in yer shorts socially acceptable in yer twilight years...JUNE ALLYSON will ferever be known as the face of incontinence since most of her fans in her hay days either have their heads float'n around in a vat of cryogenic juice or are dead!

flash forward to 30 some years later and i myself would give that box

of bones (hey...she's been kick'n up daises since 2006...it's a give'n with science and all) a run fer her crown as i was gett'n myself scheduled fer my very 1st colon cleanse'n now that i have entered my 5th decade of destruction

i had heard horror stories fer years about the colonoscopy process

and was not look'n forward to the stigma attached to it all...mainly cuz i would have to finally admit that i am no longer the fresh nubile nancy that i once was (though i still DO NOT require any help from those lil blue pills kittens...well not yet anyways) however...i decided to pull up my big gurl culottes and made the appointment!

with the current covid climate that we're currently live'n in...i needed to

get myself tested in order to proceed with the process but have'n already gone thru the process twice before (and the only exams that i had ever passed i might add) i knew this would be a breeze...the only problem with the process this time was the actual location of said exam center bein a completely complicated equation that i couldn't equal since dyslexic dipshit drivers durin' rush hour plus hangry queen on a quest just don't add up!

with a minute to spare...i finally reached my final destination only to be 

greeted with locked doors and signage that says follow the arrows down blah blah avenue and of course THERE WERE NO FUCK'N ARROWS...now listen...i was already in a rush that morn'n since i was gonna be 2 hrs late to watch my 4 month old great niece Violette Moon (i know...awwwww right!) and trust me...i DO NOT wanna deal with her wrath at ANY cost when at all possible!

so i called my health care provider to rip them a new A double snakes and of course after goin thru a roller coaster of prompts the anal drip on the other end ended up bein of no help at all so i said 2 tears in a bucket...mutha fuck-it and flew off to play patty cake patty cake please don't puke up all over my hermes bag with Violette!

after guzzle'n down a gallon of peach redbull and calm'n down my mini

chocolate chip sized nipples...i lit a few patchouli flavored aromatherapy candles and chanted a few nam-myoho-renge-kyo's and called back to reschedule cuz i was not about to miss this now twice sceduled colonoscopy since father time was tap tap tapp'n on my doors...luckily i was able to be seen at an office which was only a small hop...skip and a jump rope ride from Vi's trailer...or so i thought

after hopp'n on my huffy bike...which was only a short 7 minute ride to the 

desired location accord'n to SIRI...(i even left 15 minutes early cuz i'm such a gurly squat when it comes to arrive'n punctual) i arrived in front of the Maplewood Mall...i thought to myself...HMMM? well M-A-Y-B-E SIRI was read'n my mind and thought i definitely deserved those lemon meringue chino's with the lace trimmed pockets and the butt cut out that i'd been contemplate'n about purchase'n ever since i spotted 'em on some random instagram ad a week prior and spring was right around the corner anyways...WHY NOT! (thanx A.D.D) 

then i stopped and thought fer a minute...NO this was not the time...MUST FIND NURSE STATION!

as the clock was tick'n down to my test time...i feverishly scampered

thru-out the mall like a plucked chicken who hadn't had head in months look'n fer the test'n spot to no avail...so i quickly rang the damn clinic back as to the precise location but of course they had zero clue where the exact location was...it just gave them an address (the same one that i had) though she "thinks" its by the Sears location she says...so i reluctantly hung up on her and scampered to the nearest mall map

WHICH HAS NO FUCK'N SEARS A-N-Y-M-O-R-E!

i call back and bit down on my tongue as hard as i possibly could and had

 to explain to the "enchantress" on the other end that there is no longer a Sears at this location and if they could transfer me to another operator...which i know was most likely the same person who just plugged their nose to sound different...i mean seriously...who hasn't played that retail game? at least this time i got a different answer and they said it was by the JC Penny's location...

WHICH WAS AT THE OTHER END OF THE FUCK'N MALL!

by now i had decided to fuck it all since it was 10 minutes past my exam

and i know how nurses are such sticklers on tardiness so i just decided to head back home however as i was exit'n the corner of the mall ramp i noticed outta the corner of my left eye what looked like a nurse's station set up outside the JC Penny's location so i whipped a shitty past all the parking lot blocks to the front of the line

after they chastised me fer miss'n my designated time slot...i made a small

but pertinent plea you see cuz NO ONE else was in line and the sun was still out...so they gave me the typical questions: name address date of birth then told me to proceed ahead to where another nurse roughly 5 feet away ASKED ME THE SAME FUCK'N questions and i sooo wish i was make'n this up (unfortunately i'm not)

she then asked me as a matter of factly "are you here fer a covid test?"

ummm...no kitten...i ordered a Mclobster sammich on pumpernickel with curly fries and a mint frosty and could you super size that PUHLEEEEZ...PRONTO PRONTO...i'm kinda in a hurry here!

luckily...my brain was on strike and i just answered with a smirky smile

and was all set to spit in a vile...however they do things a bit different in the burbs and instead i was told to slightly tilt my head back as she proceeded to harpoon each nostril like she was fuck'n sheriff Brody hunt'n fer JAWS...nevertheless after a couple of quick deep jabs the unpleasant procedure was finally half over...tune in next week fer the shitty conclusion of WASTE MANAGEMENT!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

Greene with Enema

kittens...ever have one of those morn'ns when yer out all nite with yer one

closest crime-fight’n cocktailer...throw'n back remy maritin's like they’re some sorta oxygen tank and tripp'n the lights fantastic til yer so outta it yer into it...only to wake up in a pile of yer own regret utterly green with envy cuz you can't even connect all the dots by morn'n about how great the nite was all together?

so apparently just when we thought we had rid this country and quite

frankly the universe from it's beyond vomitous and highly exhaust'n regurgitated IMPEACHED FOR LIFE TWICE mentally deranged 4 year hangover...a pathetic Ann Coulter Kame-apart crotch cricket knock-off has been plucked outta obscurity from the the peach state to the center stage

the new nauseate'n nancy known as the rebranded cuntinuation

of the reTRUMPlicunt party and beyond far right Qanon quack vomit bag from the 14th district in Georgia (that just barely celebrated it's 10th bday recently i might add) known as Marjorie Taylor Greene

who believes 9/11 was a fairytale...Guam is a foreign  country and that jews started the wild fires out west from their space station a million miles up with their jewishy laser beams...is try'n to play political hot potato with logicality

so lets delve into a few facts about this flaxen haired fuckery shall we? 

unfortunately the folks of Milledgeville had to deal with her grow'n up in their town where she "allegedly" said lemonade stands were fronted by the kiddie cartel...went to college in Athens and ended up buy'n a construction company in Alpharetta...though none of these cities are even closely related to the district that she ran in and won

this tin foiled cap wear'n vaginal scab only started in politicks last year

after that stint of runn'n Taylor Commercial Inc. into the ground...that i might add...she inherited from her dear ol' daddy...just like her idol (oh what's his name again?) oh yea...the mentally deranged IMPEACHED FOR LIFE TWICE sociopathetik orange dusted sack of vomitous shit

BUTT...enough of that

now instead of runn'n in the 6th district that was as blue as the ocean

and where she was actually live'n at the time...probably cuz she knew she had ZERO chance in H-E-double hockey stix of winn'n against the current incumbent...this fallopian tubed twat sore moved a few districts over to the poorest district run by some repuglicant that had decided he'd milked all he could outta his constituents and just wanted to sip sangrias by the sea and chose not to run fer another term

and just like any other greedy tiresome toad...Greene ran on the platform 

that socialism is a bad thing and infused her campaign full of prejudice and paranoia...the same exact shit she'd already been spread'n all over social media and easily won since most of the welfare cases in her district were pasty white CASPER crusade'n pariahs 

who believed in her utterly insane HILLARY pedophile and human sacrificial rings and that President OBAMA partied it up with MS-13 to murder a 27 year old employee at the DNC in 2016...

harassed teen survivors say'n the shootin's were obviously faked and that non white people outta worship confederate sculptures of a tortured past among a plethora of many other bat shit cray cray stories...OH YEAH...

and her BFF's are those sperm whales in crisp clean 100 count linen from the 70% off end cap at TJ Maxx...the absolute insane part of it all is that most of her voters knew all of this anyways though and still said she was the right person fer the job...which is a purdy good indication of who exactly the majority in Marjorie's district really are

well...unless she like liquidated a child or somethin' of that nature then they might consider another candidate apparently

now even though it's a well documented fact that she has had numerous 

extra curricular affairs while runn'n on some religious platform whilst bein attached only fer the sake of hold'n onto her upstand'n CASPER crusade'n image...she outta still be able to serve all her constituents also while service'n the the repair man...can't she?

well peaches...there is still a way to remove this insane satanic stain from

the clutches of yer great state before it's too late and that is by article 1 section 5 clause 2 of the constitution (thank you ever so google) as long as 2/3rds of congress finds her indefensibly psychotic of course...and seriously...WHY WOULDN'T THEY?

some unhinged anti-masker with a gash between their legs should not be

on the education board P-E-R-I-O-D with ALL this evidence against her...however...if you wanna completely ignore ALL that and put it to the side fer now...FINE...then what about the simple fact that she has balls to the walls blurted out fer the execution of certain elected officials?

if anyone came into yer place of biz and threatened to pew pew pew you

to smithereens...ummm shouldn't they pretty much BE FIRED or somethin...like pronto Tonto?

we got enough to contend with as it is than have'n to put up with her shit

on the daily...she's so full of it that if you smacked her up side that vacuous bucket attached to her shoulders...she'd fuck'n splatter...cuz you know when TWITTER bans yer dilapidated A double snakes...yer full of all kinds of bat shit crazy! 

now we need congress to do their job and expel that cankersaurus cunt 

and GET OFF MY DRESS!

YOU DON'T OWN ME

i have spent the better part of my 25 plus years as thee ultimate premier 

unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe perfect'n my stage persona without ever have'n to compromise my artistic integrity fer anyone (yes...i faintly remember hear'n that line muttered from another "performer" years back...so what?) anywhoz'ill'ding...blah blah blah just to appease the masses of kittens thru-out the globe without any (if none at all) regrets...though there was only one time in the beginn'n of my career that i can recall if i could redo it all over again i would'a bought my mouth a ticket to the to catch-up train to my brain when i decided to do a mena je trois on stage with 2 other lyp-stinkers doin the theme song to the 1996 divorcee hit "THE FIRST WIVES CLUB"

after spend'n $50 to have a dj friend remix the song fer us and a couple 

of tireless rehearsals to get our sync in step sorta like a pimp plann'n a mena je trois i guess...i of course obviously portray'n the voluptuously tasty flaxen blonde Goldie Hawn character while the other 2 bowel movements in breath take'n bore'n heels wrestled over the leftover parts...though technically we weren't even emulate'n ANY of the characters from the movie...i just needed the other 2 to make sense fer the audience to know i looked much more gooder

only to be confronted by my show director at the time on the nite of our performance that we would be unable to perform said routine fer the audience "KRYSTAL...who does BETTE music here?" inform'n me that SHE in fact was the MIDLER of the Minne-Apple of course

BUTT...there's always gonna be one

shocked & perplexed...i tried explain'n that we weren't try'na steal any of 

her thunder...i was only try'n to capitalize'n on a trio in the tune at the time...nevertheless...in heinz 57 sight i M-A-Y-B-E should'a asked her to be part of the production H-O-W-E-V-E-R i was 26 at the time and like most 26 year olds...we ALL think we rule the world...

and i WAS NOT about to be denied all those endless rehearsals that i worked so hard on unfortunately instead of bein diplomatic about the conundrum i had now found myself in i just blurted out the first thing that vomitted from my mind without think'n "well last i checked...BETTE wasn't 300 pds!" (and unfortunately that was a direct quote i do wish i never put out there in the universe) needless to say...there was only one viable option i had left in my satchel to pull out after my unthinkable outburst that even'n...

 i high tailed it outta dodge sorta speak but don't fret my lil feline pet...20 some years later...i would profusely apologize and hired BETTE in my very own show as a judge fer my Madonna drag race durin' my 2nd highly successful M party...cuz in the end...i moved on to other arena's with other performers without E-V-E-R 

have'n to compromise my artistic integrity!

so after 10 years of feverishly write'n my highly coveted and sometimes  

often highly controversial words of wisdom on a weekly basis...flash forward to this new era of artistic freedom where just about A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G and E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is put under a damn microscope and under attack by the #metoo generation nation...the PC parader's and pretty much any annoy'n algorithm out there...include'n MY fuck'n past cuz it turns out as of last week when i tried post'n my popular lil post from my worldwide sought after weekly blog...

 that i have done consistently fer the past 10+ years...i was met with a denial block from post'n it on FUCKBOOK fer the 1st time due to it's multiple postings...UMMM SHAMLOM...i've been post'n it weekly and send'n it as a cheap bday prezzie to stalkers fer the past decade so whether it was flagged by some fairly fuckable guy from my high school days that desperately tried gett'n under my skin recently defend'n his vomitous politicks to me durin' the last election cycle...

or just a complete and total smack down by some fabuless Moolah with no sense of humor...either case i was not too damn happy to get this news...except now it seems all of a sudden that the flood gates are burst'n at the seams it seems with this whole "cancel culture" society we're live'n in!

now mind you Dr. Seuss made the ultimate decision to fall into line with 

the current state of affairs and erase certain literature from their lineage (though thankfully they left the above works of art in tact so read them to yer hearts content with yer lil kittens tonite before they're banished to oblivion) H-O-W-E-V-E-R...

leave it to the sanctimonious shit stainers of the political party (that's GOP'ers to you TikTok'ers) to latch on and suckle from it's literary tit...focus'n on inject'n a faux ban to rile up their brain dead light socket lick'n base...THAT THE ESTATE ITSELF DECIDED ON THEIR OWN TO MOVE FORWARD WITH...where certain anal warts chose to recite sonnets from it's books via twitter (of which none of them were even part of the banned list i might add dipshits) rather than focus'n on and vote'n on the IMPORTANT ISSUES AT HAND...like THE FUCK'N STIMULUS BILL to help millions out durin' these desperate times of need (up to and include'n this unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe)

and just so ya know it ALL you light socket lick'n reTRUMPlicunts...remember to thank the DEMS 100% for this...include'n PRESIDENT BIDEN FOR SIGN'N IT since NOT 1 single repuglicunt in the House or Senate decided to help you out so you can get that crate of double stuff ho-ho's or compete in the Miss Wal-Mart universe pageant 2021!

now if that wasn't enough to curl yer cooter wig...the PC parade decided

to drop the anvil on everyone's fav-o-rit parisian paramour Pepe Le Pew by gett'n him dropped from the sequel to Space Jam fer his overt sexually prowess...from 40 fuck'n years ago (oh what perfect time'n)

S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y? kittens...lemme explain somethin...

first off...Pepe has been chase'n the same damn dame fer 40 fuck'n plus

years and i do recall...Penelope Pussycat was not so virtuous herself...she may have lead us all to believe she was some unpollinated flower that deserves respect and DID NOT want ANY unsolicited advances from one Pepe...however...thing is...she didn't realize IT WAS ALL CAUGHT ON FILM...rewind the damn tapes fer all the proof people!

Penelope was not that I-N-N-O-S-C-E-N-T!

be that as it may...i'm glad the "movement" had it's voice heard over the

supposed "rape" culture that "could be" perceived by Pepe's forceful fornicational feline actions without even a simple trial like he was some sorta callous casanova give'n a bad impression to his view'n audience over the decades so he was ultimately canceled fer his "alleged" devious abhorrent behavior...now lil 8 year old Griffin can go back to play'n that Grand Theft Auto bullshit where he just plunged the ax he virtually purchased into that hooker's heart so he don't have to pay fer the ho!

you want more read'n?...of course you do...

so if that faux OUTRAGE by the colostomitick shit kicker's wasn't enough

to get yer culottes in a twist...now they've decided to peel back their layers of unfiltered disgust with Hasbro makers denouce'n the titles of Mr. and Mrs. from their package'n as to not dictate to the lil kittens play'n with em and let them make up their own minds as to who is who and who can be with who...thing is...the parts have ALWAYS been removable (just like yer soul) so they were ALWAYS interchangeable...and besides...

most kids loathed gett'n them as bday prezzies or from that jolly ol' drunk fat ass after 1975 anyways and would just marinate em in aunt Marcella's margarine bucket and watch em bake at 475 degrees in their older brothers easy bake oven fer 15 minutes til they were a molten puddle of toxic chemicals to slurp up with their purple play-do cookies anyways

listen here...the past is just that...THE PAST...we will ALWAYS offend

someone at some juncture on this road we call life...we can't erase history...IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED...they couldn't stop KATHY and the powers that be ain't about to stop me...we can all learn from our mistakes...if you have a mind...use it and just get a ticket to the catch-up train fer yer brain in the end from time to time!

 if you don't wanna take my advice...EH!...then FUCK OFF and kindly 

GET OFF MY DRESS!