HUNTING SEASON

with mother nature change'n her fall shawl fer a winter wrap...it's that time

of the year once again fer every swamp assed carnivore enthusiast to bundle up in their bvd's...belch their greatest hits with their "buds" along with a 24 pack of bud-lite lime all while try'na bag themselves a buck a duck or some simple "accidentally inebriated" camouflaged fuck

BUTT let's get back there in a bit...

picture it kittens...the year was the hedonistically shoulder padded times 

of 1982 when the price to fill yer Renault Fuego Turbo full of gas at 91 cents a gallon is now equivalent to the cost of just one tasty turbo charged appletini today

K.I.T was the navigational system designed to replace that dreaded fold out map 40 years ago however today it has now been secretly replaced by it's much greener offspring SIRI

and the rectally regurgitated religiously righteous repuglicunts of '82 went from shoot'n posters to scare the shit outta their target audience by belitte'n and demean'n the LGBTQIA+ community (which was largely ignored by the jelly beaned prez of the period i might add) to now just an all out assault use'n the LGBTQIA+ community as their target audience fer hunt'n season hide'n behind their 2nd amendment rights by certain psychologically deranged individuals

thanx in part to the rectally regurgitated religiously righteous repuglicunts 

of 2022 file'n a stagger'n 238 anti gay bills in the first 3 months of 2022 alone...compared to just 41 bills in 2018

with the all to unfortunate tragic events of last week in Colorado Springs 

at the cities only non heterosexual danceteria...a diabetically deranged gunman who's attorney's says is "non binary" (which to me sounds like a plausible escape defense from bein charged also with a hate crime in my opinion) walked into the nite club with you guessed it A FUCK'N AR-15 style kill'n machine and a handgun who then decided to blow off some steam by end'n the holidaze for...

28 yr old transman and bartender of CLUB Q DANIEL DAVIS ASTON...40 yr old transwoman patron KELLY LOVING...35 yr old LGBTQIA+ ally and patron ASHLEY PAUGH...22 yr old LGBTQIA+ ally and patron RAYMOND GREENE VANCE and 38 yr old bartender of CLUB Q DERRICK RUMP  

when just 6 years earlier 49 patrons lost their holidaze in Orlando at the popular non heterosexual dance club

luckily...if it wasn't fer the quick think'n selfless bravery of army veteran

RICHARD FIERRO who leapt into combat mode...dismantled and subdued the dude before the trigger fuck had the chance to cause any more murders and chaos...

with the help of a trans woman (not a drag queen like some lazy reporters stated) take'n out her frustration by stomp'n the shit outta the shooter's skull with her louis vuitton's (which incidentally fell on the eve of TRANSGENDER REMEBRANCE DAY) things could'a gone the whole PULSE route

and like ANY mass shoot'n the media fixates more on the damn murderers

back story than the victims themselves in hopes to turn their journalism into some big screen adaptation and rub shoulders with hollyweird's elite fer all the free cold shrimp cocktail platters with all the other oscar accolades come award season

so of course like any good reporter i also did a lil snoop'n late one even'n

clutch'n my fav-o-rit Angela Lansbury pearls while sipp'n ever so slightly on a chilled glass of 1947 chateau cheval blanc as i scoured the informational highway relentlessly in hopes of find'n anything behind the back story that would cause this murderer’s rampage...and unfortunately...it wouldn't take long

after a little journalistic digg'n turns out as no surprise that this deranged

murderer comes from an unfortunate broken home...with his mother in and out of consciousness most of her life and the dad abandone'n him after birth who spent time swapp'n cigs fer Bubba in the state pen to become'n a suedo popular MME fighter to a smarmy str8 mormon porn star repuglicunt (though i'm not all that sure what the order follows that last job description and google was no fuck'n help i can tell you that) what's this performer's name you ask?

DICK DELAWARE (cuz...why not?) who was more concerned about the kid he abandoned bein' a cock sucker than a mentally deranged cold blooded murder

this entire unfortunate scenario has the complete make'ns of a twisted 

JOHN WATERS production!

with that said...how is it that these vomitously regurgitated meaningless

"thoughts and prayers" are ALL these far right repuglicunts can barely mutter time and time again when it comes to LGBTXYZPDQ rights and protections in incidents like these and many many others (especially towards the trans community) ask yerself...have you ever heard of ONE incident where a member of the LGBTXYZPDQ community goes into a straight bar armed like Arnold to clear their head and their hatred onto crowds of bud-lite guzzle'n swamp assed hunters or white clawed maxi padded cuntasaurus's just try'n to enjoy their nite away from the lil shits bleed'n em dry at home? 

OH...and ALL you NRA bullshitters can fuck'n stick yer 2nd amendment rights up yer dilapidated bud-lite swamped ass cuz ya don't need Rambo to turn yer rudolph into roast beef!

hate bills like "DON'T SAY GAY" in florida or drag queens read'n books

to young children at their local library WILL NOT indoctrinate them into sign'n up fer the Miss GRINDR contest nor will it turn them into throat plunge'n tulip sniffers or home depot card carry'n taco teasers...they just want someone to tell them "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"

it's always the far right repuglicunts like Qwack'n bitter owl screech'n  

vaginal suppositories MTG and BLOFART who apparently lost a cactus up their cooter on pledge nite ever since their sorority days at Beta Kappa Kuntasores...turn'n a simple fun and imaginative story hour into some sexual deviant downfall of civilization by introduce'n bills to stop kids from enjoy'n a couture clown read'n to them since without sexualize'n the guest reader in a bouffant and a boa...they wouldn't have a pot to piss in or argument to stand on at all...cuz if story tell'n drag queens were the real issue here...

half the country would've been buy'n stocks in knee pads and vibrators to stuff in their kids stockin's in 1993 when MRS. DOUBTFIRE became the 2nd highest gross'n film of the year...P-E-R-I-O-D! and the LGBTXYZPDQ community only averages 5.6% of the population so you do the math kittens

which incidentally also took home golden globes fer best picture and best actor by 1994

it's sick deranged religious zealots like the bloated orange marmalades 

political blow-up doll and feminine crotch itch legal adviser Jenna Ellis who basturdize their religious beliefs to fit their hate filled agenda and wonder why millions are abandone'n that ancient CASPER crusade'n bullshit altogether! 

anyone who supports ANY politician who puts ANYONE'S RIGHTS as a

2nd class citizen remember this...you may not have take'n aim at someone from the LGBTXYZPDQ community physically...however...when you whine see'n them show affection in public...on tv...in the movies...gett'n married etc...yer part of the problem that built up this rancid rhetoric in our culture give'n credence to those murderous few take'n aim at the 5.6% of the population out there...YOU ARE the absolute ammo in their weapons durin' hunt'n season on the selected population by prolong'n the process all together...

so until you have to look over yer shoulder 24/7 wonder'n if this will be yer last day of not cause'n ANY harm to anyone but fer the simple fact of just exisit'n...do yer damn due diligence and VOTE these fanatical sexually depraved draconian anal warts out of office and out of yer life!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

A BOUNTIFUL BUFFET

it's that time of the year again to help propagate the propaganda of that

delusionally delightful dinner often turn'n into a dreary dreadful discombobulated dilemma with the gather'n of guests once anal auntie Agnes inspects the three bean salad only to find out it had been made with just 2 noticeable bean families and then proceeds to bitch about it fer the rest of the nite…

sound'n like she's been gargle'n on lighter fluid fer the past 30 years from puff'n on her virginia slims menthol lights on the front porch to anyone pass'n by with their tin foiled leftover slop encased between 2 flimsy dollar store paper plates 

which includes a very generous portion of her unflavored gelatinous hard boiled egg/shrimp surprise fer dessert that no one dared touch at the table…that we all know is just the catalyst propagated by the many corporations...turn'n regularly insensitive assholes into aggressively argumentative zombified anal-warts line'n up outside the many department stores by 10pm

savagely hunt'n fer the latest and greatest piece of over priced crap they can't live without fer 24 hrs...turn'n into callous cuntasaurus's when they can't find what they can't live without to the minimally paid staff forced to skip their dinners to appease their boss's bottom line who are already barely scrape'n by with their wits and their underpaid wealth 

made by the skillful calloused hands of Herminio and his classmates

all packaged up in an unbelievable fantasy that comes 4 weeks later about some jolly burglar that'll come down yer chimney at least once a year...but that's...another story!

it made me reflect on what it is that i'm really thankful for fer most of my

existence...though immediate family should be apparently has to be recognized just to save face when it comes time to make sure yer part of the read'n of the will...there has been many more important influences that have molded me to be who i am today 

one of my 1st biggest influences of acceptance was when my grama Viola recognized i was bitten by the 80's gender bender bug while i was live'n with her in my late early teen years who tore down her brown polyester curtains in her live'n room one afternoon just to stitch me my very fer taste of the spotlight

however...i'd like to go waaay back where it all began...i could not and most likely would not...be who i am today if it wasn't fer the enormous generosity of the HALL family that took me in durin' the roughest patch in my life and guided me in the right direction in the late 80's...when i was but a lost kitten without a scratch'n post or a pot to piss in...litterally

of course i'm ever beyond grateful fer my very dear dear incredibly infectious friendship with the one and only Peetrinella fer encourage'n me to go under that pink gelled spotlight many moons ago and push'n me to become the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i am today (and not just cuz she knows exactly what to get me ALMOST every year fer the past 30+ years on my b'day and xmas...but trust me...it helps *wink*wink)

plus i am eternally grateful & thankful that i am thee only revered unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe fer all of you kittens who have followed my ramblin's fer the past 12 years...cuz without you...well...i'd be just a whore in heels without no wheels in motion

BUTT wait...there's more

i'm eternally thankful fer the brilliance of filmmaker MICHAEL MOORE

who called it fer the dems a month before the mid term elections...thanx in HUGE part to the decision of the supreme court ripp'n the reproductive rights out of the maxi padders hands essentially make'n them 2nd class citizens again...

which was pushed by this pasty ass pansy pouter...

turn'n the GOP's much anticipated red tsunami blood bath

into a laughable drip as 106 election deny'n dipshitters (with more to come most likely) who puckered their chapped lips around the dilapidated anal entrance of their mentally deranged orange puffer fished emperor with no clue lost their race!

insert modest humility here 

i'm also thankful fer the many many many laughs of watch'n the folks

at FAUX SNOOZE and other G.O.Pee'rs soiled in their sanctimonious shit shorts on a loop after they boasted fer weeks how they were goin to bury the dems in the sand...murdoch outlets gloat'n with headlines like "repuglicunts will win the house by 50 seats!" and "repuglicunts will take control of the senate with four new seats!"

fortunately...democracy in peril was just a badly hyped dream as they only got the house by the skin of their chinless chin and COULD NOT UNSEAT ONE DEM in the senate!

and lastly i'm very thankful i will no longer have to worry about send'n out 

any sorta christmas cards or wedd'n invitations or swapp'n my snappy and spicy snicker-doodle recipe to ANY of these sexually depraved dysentery dipshits who voted against bills 

to protect same-sexy sex'ers 

and interracially inclined facials from walk'n down the aisle...seriously? it's 2022 and we're STILL have'n to deal with this bullshit? THIS IS WHY mid term vote'n really does matter kittens...

thankfully these 12 G.O.Pee'rs voted to pass this absolute nonsensical law and can expect a candied yam in the mail from me sometime never (sorry i just can't waste my hard earned benji's on postage...that's like the price of a HH cocktail...you understand i'm sure) however...i am eternally thankful you voted against yer crusty calloused co-workers...puhleez keep it up!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!