say kittens...i'm gonna be outta town on a very very VERY...
top secret covert mission fer the next couple of days...that may or may not affect most of you out there...all i can hint fer now is that...
if yer in the Minne-Apple area...
wait'n in complete a-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n...
fer the last installment of the "APRIL SHOWERS bring BITCH FLOWERS"
well...at least the last one involve'n me...
THEE UNINTENTIONALLY INTERNATIONALLY UNKNOWN PERFORM'N ILLUSIONIST OF MY OWN UNIVERSE
event at the Varsity theater in april 2014...
BOY will you be surprised!
so i can't be bothered to be yer personal love slave...
hand-out free relationship advice on how to "cover up" yer "under the covers" lover(s)...or quite frankly...give 2 shits what's happen'n in the world around me at the moment this week...cuz i'm relish'n in my "own" moment presently
i've searched the blog galaxy far and wide fer the perfect replacement...
so til i return...i have placed my stolen thoughts borrowed words of wisdom in this R2 unit...but i'm take'n FULL CREDIT fer add'n the snaps to keep you awake...which is really WHY you read my blog week after week
dont'cha kittens?
hope you enjoy it...as much as i had steal'n it read'n it...so without further ado...i do hope you get the message!
rereleased from the blog universe @
http://www.mamapop.com/
The moment that I learned of the twin girls in my belly,
I resolved not to
send two hoes into the world. I'd teach them that self-expression is always more
important than playing nice, and I'd warn them that waiting around for someone
else to make their dreams come true is not only futile but downright
scallywag.
So imagine my horror when my toddlers took to Disney princesses.
And it goes
beyond merely watching the movies and buying the merchandise: My girls have
lived as those characters for the past three years. They've all but forgotten
how to count to 5, but they can curtsy, smile and gasp on cue. The standard name
for each color has been replaced by the name of the princess with the
corresponding branding: "Belle" for "yellow," "Tiana" for "green," "Cinderella"
for "blue," "Sleeping Beauty" for "pink," etc. The feminist inside me wept --
until, eavesdropping on their usual princess gab, I overheard the following
statement:
"My favorite princess is Ariel, and yours is Cinderella,
and Mommy's favorite
princess is Sharon Needles."
Then and there, the door blew open. You see,
Sharon Needles
is not
just a princess but a queen, a strong, creative, groundbreaking, wickedly
brilliant queen. I suddenly realized that there was more than one
direction that I could push the princess mania, because my children could not
distinguish between a Disney princess and a drag queen.
Indeed, the parallels between the two are downright uncanny.
Both wear
grandiose costumes and perform signature songs. Big hair is an absolute staple
across the board. Both have been known to make their shining debut at the local
ball. And, like it or not, a midnight transformation is all but inevitable.
I couldn't help the pride swelling inside me at the thought of the
possibilities, mainly because I despise Disney princesses. Regardless of the
amount of money that I've pumped into their franchise, I feel that the
psychology
behind the tiara is a mockery of the values that I swore to instill in my daughters.
Meanwhile, shoving your balls into your pelvic cavity might not
make you a real woman, but it doesn't preclude you from being a better role
model than a Disney princess.
Let's start with the obvious discrimination in the princess community,
shall we?
While most of the princesses are still blonde-haired, blue-eyed white girls,
Disney has conjured a half-assed attempt to include a few other cultures,
so you
have Mulan, Jasmine and Pocahontas breaking the Aryan glass ceiling, though
you'd have a hard time finding them anywhere but in the back row. It only took
Disney 86 years to drop its Jim Crow laws
and allow Tiana, the black princess,
an invitation to the ball.
But discrimination in the drag community? I'm pretty
sure that the only requirement is to have a penis duct-taped between your legs;
other than that, anything goes.
Secondly, ever wonder how those princesses are getting their fancy gowns and
blinged-out crowns? Of the 11 Disney princesses currently included
in the franchise, only one has ever had a job.
(Apparently Tiana was born with such a
socioeconomic disadvantage that she had to work two jobs to even attempt to make
her big princess dreams a reality. [See also: discrimination.] And after all
that hard work, she still couldn't seem to get ahead until she locked down a
prince whose family could buy her those dreams.)
Drag queens, on the other hand,
have a strong work ethic. Basically, if a queen isn't working her butt pads off,
she isn't making tips. No one is going to pay to watch a man put on a sequined
dress and sit in the middle of the dance floor.
Finally, in the world of drag, a sense of humor is as fundamental
as proper
padding and the ability to "read." You won't find a money-making queen who
doesn't camp it up with her audience. Laughter is what helps us persevere; it
lifts us out of our struggles.
Yet I can't recall one princess with the ability
to laugh at her ridiculous
plights.
If you've lost your parents only to be
enslaved in a rat-infested tower, your tone should be more sarcastic than
Arrested Development meets Curb Your Enthusiasm. Instead, the
princesses always awaken into a smiling song -- a clear red flag, in my opinion.
Stepmother had better check the cellar for a hidden artillery of crockpot
explosives.
When it comes down to it, I respect drag queens. They are artists.
They are
able to conceptualize an idea and transform themselves -- without the help of
magic, I might add. They are risk takers. They are punk. But Disney princesses?
They are a man-made franchise created to sell cheaply made shit to our
daughters. They are a perpetuation of the stereotype of the weak, dumb woman who
obediently waits for a man to come along and make her valuable.
Between the two
I'll always promote the big-wigged man crooning
"I'm Every Woman." Werq.
hope you enjoyed today's
rip-off inspirational message and consider the endless possibilities of empowerment fer yer own lil girl or fabulous boy ..
next time you pick out their gift or costume fer whatever occasion...instead of force'n them to choke on some corporate pigs ideals...that'll end up leave'n you emotionally bankrupt...i mean seriously...you only own them legally til their 18...so let them become...
THEE UNINTENTIONALLY INTERNATIONALLY UNKNOWN PERFORM'N ILLUSIONIST OF THEIR OWN UNIVERSE...if they want to...it's NO ALL THAT BAD!
now get off my dress
and a reason to keep Bill Maher in business 
.jpg)
