soul soup and salvation

not to bitch...(cuz really...she ain't worth the benjamins) but ol' man winter has been belly'n up to the bar sipp'n 1 too many slush puppies this year...

but thankfully spring has finally sprung a lil leak...so it's time to tune up the ol' turnip truck and hit the road

loved by millions thru-out the world from Minneapolis to Malaysia...

even the late great QUEEN singer knew today's sing'n QUEEN was more than just a gimmick 30 years ago

though he cemented himself as the iconic look and sound of the 80's...

make'n millions sing'n in mounds of maybelline and frilly frocks...

and become'n one of the world's most sought after DJ fer the past 25 years

he's moved beyond the colorful braids and boxy blouses...ferget about the car crash headlines in years past...

cuz live'n legend BOY GEORGE is back and better than ever...

with his 1st full length album of original hits released in America in 19 years since his brilliantly penned rock'n poppy ballady non heterosexually infused album...

 "CHEAPNESS AND BEAUTY" 

with...

 "THIS IS WHAT I DO"...

which includes 3 bonus tracks not released on the european version...
yay fer US kittens!

BOY's voice is much more richer thanx to father time...but still undeniably powerful...serve'n up the best soul soup and salvationally luscious lyrics

backed up by a 70's vibe and his memorable reggae influences...thanx to help from a string of incredible musicians like DJ YOGA...KITTY DURHAM...ALLY McERLAINE...MC SPEE and NIZAR AL ISSA

ask'n the question "have i lost my crown...or will i be king again"...

and the answer is emphatically Y-E-S...with his smash open'n track... 

"KING OF EVERYTHING"

followed up with his 2nd hit reminiscence'n about righteous religion...

tell'n a Casper crusader to "put your palms away...you need a little more faith" with..."MY GOD"

also includes the dramatic cover of Yoko Ono's hit...

"DEATH OF SAMANTHA"

and Lana Del Rey's cover about young love in bleak Britain...

"VIDEO GAMES"

to help promote his new cd...BOY is back out on the road...

and kick'n off his tour a couple days before April's fools on March 30th in Edinburgh,UK and end'n in Bristol,UK on april 5th...

then make his way to the Netherlands on monday april 7th and continue'n onto some of western Europe's premier music venues...click here fer tix

then hopp'n the pond fer his 1st solo tour in America in years...

 which also includes a stop in Canada...start'n on april 18th in Philadelphia...and end'n in LA on april 30th

you can catch me on the Oprahville leg of the tour at the House of Blues sat. april 26th

if ya see me...stop and say hi...get me an appletini too...why not!

if there's one thing learned with fame...you can always twist fate into a hit!

from "TIME"...to "TABOO"...to "THIS IS WHAT I DO"

BOY GEORGE is back doin what he does best...

so don't be a fool this april and miss out on this live'n legend live

get yer tickets today

and get off my dress!

politics can be such a drag

like the queen of country drag...Dolly Parton once said...

"if i wasn't born a girl...i'd be a drag queen for sure!"

from hair to heels...it takes alotta benjamins to go from...

a situation to a supermodel!

a shy boy to sensational presence

an intensely undeniably uterus-free understate'n over-biter to thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe

well you get my point kittens...or we'll be here all day

drag can be a drag...but drag'n the drag outta ya...ain't no drag!

dont'cha think the world would be alot better off if everyone got in touch...

with their feminine side from time to time...especially when yer hold'n some high powered positions...fer instance...history might have turned out a helluvalot different if...

instead of  Hitler invade'n Poland in 1939...

he should'a invaded his mother's closet instead...

and became the beauty from Berlin...Miss Adalia Titler...imagine all the back-up dancers he could've used when he performed Marlene Dietrich's "la vie en rose"...it would'a been a gas...and ya know he'da killed the competition in the East German Drag Race try-outs

Saddam probably would've never lost his marbles...

if he'd only got lost in his imagination...and got in touch with his softer side by turn'n his back in Iraq to become...

 the middle eastern madness known as Miss Shabanna Hana...

perform'n that Kim Wilde classic "you keep me hang'n on"

Bin Laden wouldn'tve been such a bad ass in a beard...

hide'n his family...instead of hide'n his inhibitions...

by slapp'n on the war paint instead of goin to war...as the sleek sheikh from the Sahara...Miss Oidira Batoul...

she'dve been blow'n up the stage...instead of build'ns...with hits like Cher's
 "bang bang"

its bad enough we were stuck with BUSH fer a 2nd term...

but he wouldn't have looked like such a complete assasinator asinine worm if...

he'd raided Laura's closet...instead of countries...as
Miss Georgina Bushwhack...mistress of manipulations... 

she'da killed the competition like a mad dog with Beth Ditto's smash...
 "i wrote the book"

Putin wouldn't be such a pain in the A double snakes if ...

he'd just give up his hatred fer Crimea's independence...and become a pretty pansy crusade'n fer LGBTXYZ rights...as the Kremlin's gremlin...

Miss Vladdy Pootinmeon...she'll be invade'n yer hearts and yer homes real soon...with her command performance of  Cher's club hit...
 "you haven't seen the last of  me"

born with a silver dictatorship in his mouth...

wicked wench of  the North...Korea's Kim Jong Un...who could stand to loose the attitude...along with a few extra pounds...would seem alot happier in a Wera Vang original as...

the ancient chinese secretion..Miss Kimmy of the Jungle...belt'n it out to Dolly Parton's diddy...

 "false eyelashes"

but foreign dictators aren't the only ones that need to let down their guard...along with their hair!

even bein' a bullshitter leader for the Casper crusaders...

the Vatican's very own crypt keeper...the artist formerly known as Pope on a rope Benedict XVI...got tired of the sharade...and can finally parade as his altered highness...

the grand dame of notre dame...Miss Dixie Normous...sashay'n the nite away to Jackie Beat's sexually infused no holds barred hit...

 "baby got front"

even our very own hot to trot commander in chief...

Obama has a hard time with the republican't dick lickers in da house...fight'n for equality...his girls become'n ladies...and try'n to make the peace in the east...that sometimes...i bet he wishes he wouldn't be bothered with his billfold and just go undercover fer free beers on ladies nite with his girl Michelle...tear up the town as...

Miss Bootae Lishus...kick'n ass and collect'n the benjamins with her staple number...

"not myself tonite" by Christina Aguilera

so there ya have it kittens...if yer feel'n like a lion...just try on...

somethin' simple and sassy...with yer balls to the back walls...and be cuntageous!

now get off my dress!

and the winner is...

with all the hubbub surround'n thee official yearly foolery kick-ff...

to the holiglaze'n drunkery known as the seasonally reason'n to give up AA meet'ns fer the next 24 hrs st. patty's day...i completely couldn't be bothered to pick out my gown to host the annual FUCKTARD awards

well cuz there are no corporate sponsors this year...

and to be quite frank...uncle sam wasn't feel'n very generous this year when i did my returns... so i hadda think on a budget and decided i was stuck with just stick'n my neighbor in the back with a ginsu knife from the Paula Deen cutlery collection and scalp'n her head fer a new do...

like the pilgrims did to Pocahontas
well...cuz i didn't have enough money in the ol whore piggy bank fer the damn hairdresser...turned her ear rings into nipple rings...and "borrowed" her bed spread fer a body rap...(i don't need my dignity blow'n in the wind...this is an awards show after all kittens) but you have to admit...

the look is f-l-a-w-l-e-s-s!

since there was no sponsors...that also meant no red carpet...

and no red carpet means...NO LIMO...which means NO PAPARAZZI...

but the show must go on...so i hopped a fence and hadda fuck'n schlep my tight A double snakes across town to the Hurry Back Inn and set up my orafice

on some porcelain pony in cramped quarters...well...cuz i had the cramps from the shitty quarter taco's at the pre-awards party i held at taco hell fer myself...but at least i was able to stream a hot spot on my smartphone in order to do my telecast this year...so let's get this crappy award show goin...shall we

welcome to tonite's shittiest broadcast of the 4th annual FUCKTARD awards

let's just get to this year's nominee's...so i can get back on mine...

yea...i know...my "work" sucks...but hey...i gotta pay the bills somehow

and the nominees are:

LADY BLAH BLAH fer her "BORN THIS WAY" foundation...

which should've been aptly titled..."WHORE'N THIS WAY"...cuz really when ya break it down...she's just a high priced pimp in couture and all her lil fans aren't really lil monsters...there really just her lil whores

i was always on yer side to Missy...i even hosted a damn party to help promote you and yer tour bus...even though yer promotional peeps were too damn cheap to gimme any free give-a-ways...(that i could sell at a 250% mark-up on ebay to yer legion of desperado's want'n to own any crappy item with yer name attached to it)

i mean...i'm sorry about yer latest cd suck'n and all...but LADY...milk'n time is O-V-E-R!

yer very talented and inspirational to hundreds millions i'm sure...but would you please quit hire'n designers from the school fer the blind

and hook up some under paid homo's to put you back together again

Casper crusade'n cornholers Kevin Swanson and David Buehner...

for their brilliantly decoded review of the MOUSE house's blockbuster "FROZEN" and wonder'n why the Rose Bowl charade didn't include a float depict'n a modern day non hetero witch hunt stone'n

thing is...what this couple of sexually repressed internet trolls don't realize..."WE"...the non heterosexualites that is...have already infiltrated lil kittens minds thru-out the world via the MOUSE house fer years

remember PINOCCHIO and DUMBO?

how could you not pick up on the blatantly not so hidden non heterosexual message that bigger is ALWAYS better in those dick flicks...made me glad i never went back in line fer brains

with the massive payouts from the houses of CASPER lately...

it's become harder and harder to keep the congregation from migration...so a new aggressive market'n tragedy strategy was desperately needed...and one place of warped worship in upstate NY might have found just the perfect niche to bring back their flock

cuz i'm sure there's a passage somewhere in the color'n book of fairytales that reads Jeezuz once said 

"nothin' says love thy neighbor more than clutch'n onto a cold hard semi automatic"

Caribou Barbie's congratulatory speech on free speech...

leave it to Alaskan joker Sarah P to grasp onto any headline that will put her on it these days...even though she can't quite grasp onto the concept of the headline regard'n the DUCK DYNASTY fiasco...unfortunately her train of thought is about as lost at a Malaysian airline...the government DID NOT trample on Phil's freedom of speech...the network suspended him fer a minute (albeit to help their rate'ns cuz they're sink'n like a mallard full of buckshots) so nothin' was really taken away from Phil but airtime Miss Delusional 2014

before i announce the winner...i'd like to dedicate a pre-memoriam...

fer a very special past nominee that never actually got to walk away with a fucktard award...but will belly'n up the bar really soon...thank you fer the laughs Fred...sorry to hear yer cluth'n onto yer coffin door...NOT!...but if it's any consolation to ya...and if you have anything to do with it...i'm sure i'll be join'n ya fer happy hour in about 40 years time i reckon...try and keep the bubbly cool!

cue the memoriam music pleez!

***BREAK'N NEWZ***

as i predicted...the WESTBORO JOKER has kicked the bucket

like Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons would say...

bow yer heads and cue the somber celebratory music

and now...the moment you've all been wait'n for all nite...

oh i'm so nervous i could literally drop a meatloaf...and the winner is...

remember when that one slogan "have a coke and a smile"...

made ya feel all warm and saccrinated inside...as it chewed away at the enamel on yer teeth...

well...it now has a different mean'n...thanx to these billionaire bullshitters try'n to buy elections thru-out the country...

use'n this pre-menstrual maxi padder as their decoy to try and destroy OBAMACARE

well there ya have it...congratulations to all the nominees...though some of ya didn't walk away with an award this year...y'all walked a way a loser at the very least!

time fer my to rid my self of this jameson and regret...

so until next time kittens...get off my dress!