APOKOLYPSTIK! pt.1

date: tuesday nov. 6th 1951

time: 3:33pm

location: on a farm in Cheboygan Iowa

why not!

(everything is black and white…hey color tv would not be invented for 3 more years so gotta make it authentic...just close yer eyes and visualize)

Adam Davenport…city council man and weekend deacon…

(Adam is also a big brawny blonde that can throw a mean javelin i decided)

and Eva D. Strucshun…professionally trained dancer and proud PTA president…

(this is my story so i say she looks alot like Veronika Lake )

are about to make history by become’n the first unimportant non homosexual civilians to travel to the moon

for a week of non gravitational...fornicational fun

the air is crisp but calm…sunny skies above…south westerly winds at 5 to 10 miles per hour…

looks like it'll be smooth sail'n ahead

as the count down begins…5…4…3…2…

Adam…turn’n to Eva…reaches out fer Eva’s hand

fer some comfort to hold onto as they are blasted to the outer reaches of the earth...to the moon up above

Nana Mouskouri’s “bridge over troubled water” echoes thru the rocket ship

(even though Nana won’t be record'n it for another 19 years...but hey...i'm tell'n the story)

(side note...though her version is very haunt’n…what’s equally as haunt’n is her uncanny resemblence)

anyways…what seems like an eternity…seconds later…stare’n outta the small portal hole back at the earth…

Eva remembers she fergot to turn the dryer to the delicate cycle

fer she had just washed her unmentionables and did not want to come back to teenie tiny kitty kat covers

hysterical…

she gets anxious and tries to unstrap herself…so Adam reaches over and slaps her silly and tells her to...

“snap outta it!”

as they leave the earth’s stratosphere…Adam looks out the portal hole himself and notices a cloud of dust!

world war 2 ½ had begun!

the power from the explosion is so catastrophic that is pushes the rocket ship out of orbit…past the moon

and into…a black hole!

travel’n at speeds beyond belief…Adam and Eva tumble…head over heels…and crash land on the planet URANUS!

Adam…the overly “anal” republican official with a religious BA in bullshit…awakens and realizes he’s been marinate’n in his own shit

fer who knows how long

disgusted…he reaches fer Eva’s purse…

which is remarkably open…and grabs her anti bacterial sanitizer and her pashmina scarf

wrapped around her neck to clean himself up

Eva awakens…completely dazed and confused…

and completely blouseless…and completely braless

(oops…fergot…Adam has a fetish fer silky things…and Eva is a stripper and the political whore)

hang’n upside down…they unstrap themselves from their seats…Eva lets outta tiny gasp…and falls to the floor…and Adam follows right behind her

everything is calm and quiet…except for the loud bang’n of Eva stomp’n her minola blanik knock-offs on the floor

Eva pushes her way past Adam and climbs up the 3 step ladder to the open’n and looks out…

awestricken…Eva looks back and says to Adam…”hey get off my dress”

to be continued…