with all the holiglaze'n goin on...and gett'n calls from every corner of the earth fer some stranger reason...i completely spaced out that i actually needed to get my shit together and write a lil silly somethin' or throw out some words of wisdom fer the week...to put my masses on their asses...but i...much like my ass...was draw'n blanks
then i thought to myself…i said SELF…what haven’t you talked about yet?...
what’s the one topic that seems to elude most water cooler conversations?
i thought about it really hard...grunt'n like a gansta...then i thought…SHIT!
seems to be a topic no one wants to talk about…yet we've all done at some point...or at the very least fer those lazy socialites...had it sucked outta them by means of a colonic flood
the obvious one being of course…is take'n a ride on the porcelain pony...
while yer try’n to make a glamourous inner mission...during the intermission of some crapola production...this breaks down into many subdivisional forms as well kitten...but...ummm...i'm gonna make an executive decision and assume that no visuals are necessary at this time
though these 4 letters can be interpreted in many other different forms…
fer instance...it can be used as an act of irritation…
“you piece of shit!…you gave me crabs”
perhaps take’n care of some elderly incontinent parent…
“can someone else change grannies shit shorts fer a change?”
a term of endearment to a small child show'n how much you really care…
“awww…ain’t you the cutest lil’ shit!…now run along and get yer mommie a cocktail before i tattoo another wire hanger imprint on yer ass...ok kitten”
a very popular one is used by many as a sense of entitlement…
“can someone pleez get this lil’ barfbag outta my sight?…i’m a goddamn unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of my own universe…i don’t have to put up with this shit!...do you know how many blind himalayan migrant children it took to hand stitch me this jacket?"
then of course…plenty of parents have used it during a fit of frustration…
“dammit…you lil shit…stop it now…or i’ll give ya somethin’ to whine about”
it’s also a warn’n signal for the giver when turn’n their knee into gristle…
“OOOH SHIT…OOOH SHIT…i’m comin’…I’M COOOOOOOOMIN’!”
(consult yer physician if erectile dysfunction occurs)
unfortunately...it can also be heard as a sign of depression…
fer alot of non homosexual males out there that were plann'n on play'n the fields...“aaaah shit…not again!"
one too many apple-tini’s can be a buzz kill…
“oooooh shit…get outta my waaaaay…i think i'm gonna blow chunks!”
this would be a good sign you need to start popp’n that ginkgo biloba...
“AH SHIT!…where in the sam hell did i lay my panties?”
or if you feel like take'n a trip down memory lane...
“SHIT!…i can’t remember which stall i was told to tap my toes in”
when you have no control on an icy patch at 65 miles per hour…
“SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!”
or make’n out with “mary jane”…
“now that’s some good shit maaaaan!”
however you slice it…is fine with me…BUT…if you think fer a minute...
that yer shit smells like a bed of roses…well…you can just get off my dress!
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