get off my dress: she be tripp'n!

i've been in the biz of show off and on...fer the better part of 20 years now...

and lemme tell ya...things can get pretty ugly at the drop of a hat

so let's get ready to rumble on tonite's very x-clusive special episode of...

"THE REALLY REAL SMACK-DOWN OF THE MINNE-APPLE!"

a few months back...my sensationally savvy CEO and simply sublime VP

of my fan club...had inquired about throw'n a new bash...atop a certain unnamed rooftop fer PRIDE weekend in the Minne-Apple...to try and wake up and shake up this damn city...

with a taste of glorification and grandeur that this town has been so desperately lack'n fer...let's be honest here...years sadly

we were toss'n up idea's as to who could pack a punchline in the lunch line dur'n the annual non heterosexual parade...we needed someone with a sense of style...someone who was a staple in history and just enough sass...that knew how to put everyone on their egotistically inclined ass...hmmmm who could it be?

SHERRY VINE...sassy and sheek...and always looks so sleek

JACKIE BEAT...brash and bold...her shtick just never gets old

COCO PERU...w-e-l-l...oh i know...she was the one in that movie "TRICK" right?

"you ever get cum in your eye Gabriel...it burns!"

but what we really wanted was someone in yer face like date rape mace...someone quick with the whip...that's still pretty hip...who's clever and funny...so of course we wanted none other than the fabulous LADY BUNNY

and what roof top party would be completely complete...

without a sprinkle'n of just a few savory ~~eyesores~~ eye candy butt models from Andrew Christian give'n away free underwear (and maybe even a few std's if yer lucky enough to get their number)

deposits were paid fer BUNNY and the boys...and this unnamed space...

but leave it to some self-centered bloated pig in wig to get in our face!

trust me...she ain't worth mention'n...though i've worked with her before...even if she may be artistically inclined with floral arrangements...then drown'n them in glitter dur'in the holidays...

she's nothin' but a narcissistic drunk bore...nothing more!

i heard the rumors in the past how we we're "almost" gonna make monkey love under the stars but decided to be sista's instead...that she spread...

ummm...let me make this ~~crystal clear~~ Krystal Kleer...though i may live in margaritaville from time to time...i could have all the liquor in the world pour'n outta my pores and i still will never move into desperadoville...i'd rather stick toothpicks in my toenails while drink'n dran-o shots...i'd need a gallon of mylanta and a puke bucket just to deal with her in her unmentionables

well...then i started hear'n rumors around town that she professed how she was the "MADONNA" of the Minne-Apple and that she made boat loads of benjamins every year at her ~~brunch~~ salad bar while she would have one of her many epic merlot meltdowns...and she was extremely elated that some "huge corporation" wanted to sponsor her sad soiree

here's the deal though...i hate to be the bearer of bad news...but the "HUGE CORPORATION" she was referr'n to was the CEO and VP of MY fan club...and truth be told...this annual event had been loose'n money year after year...and was in dire need of a complete refresh...to make it fresh again...with a new name and a new cast that could bring in the big bucks...but the owner did not see eye to eye with my fan club members...

cuz even though he lost money year after year...he felt some loyalty to this self-involved eye sore...but said we could still do the party as planned..as long as they forked over a bundle to cover his loses from the past 3 years... before we would see a profit

so my VP pulled the plug on the whole damn show and skedaddled outta dodge...though CUNT WEEDS was goin around town tell'n those who wished they could rearrange their DNA in the form of Helen Keller...that she had stolen the party out from under us...

Alex...i'd like to take "delightfully delusional" fer $1000 pleez?

though i was a bit disappointed...i was in no way expect'n the board of my fan club to cover someone else's mistakes...so i tucked in my tail and moved on as well

that is...until i recently read an article written by some snoreville inkslinger...

mention'n how said CUNT had done floral arrangements fer the QUEEN's birthday bash

and helped in the redecoration of Prince's Paisley Park in the 90's

Miss "my name's on the marquee" drops as many names as fast as she drops her IQ points...and in the unfortunate 15 some years that i've known this self diluted drunk...not ONCE was the QUEEN ever mentioned...

so i put on my Angela Lansbury cap and did a lil investigate'n...
only to find out that she was fired from the Paisley Park after a day fer bad mouth'n her boss and steal'n material from the purple paisley man himself...

so there was no need to delve in this rubbish any further

but my ghost writer...IVANA P...decided to write a retort to said fabrication story in this monthly rag...to set the record straight once and fer all:

"seriously?...there's more holes in that story than a slice of swiss cheese and Bonnie & Clyde put together...

this is like a bad episode of PR FLUF~N~STUF...

this story would be more believable if you said you did floral arrangements fer Karen Carpenter

if you REALLY want an exclusive...lemme tell you about the time me and Madonna decided to get away fer the weekend...

so we hopped aboard the Starship Enterprise to the planet Uranus...

and had tiki cocktails and kiki dances with the likes of Cher and Ruth Bader Ginsburg"

now i won't give away this "reporters" identity...cuz really...

her "integrity" is at stake apparently...but fer visual purposes to this hard hitt'n story thru journalistic fantasy land...lets just call her "PELICAN"

this is the actual transcript between me and said "reporter"...

via FB due to my freedom of speech

08/06/2015 15:26

"Just so you know, I'm deleting your rude comment."

08/06/2015 15:58

"Just so u know...it's just PR fluff"

08/06/2015 15:58

"Well, i wrote the article so I take offense to you publicly questioning my integrity. Please don't. If you have an issue with ~~Richard~~ CUNT WEEDS, please send him a private message."

08/06/2015 16:01

"Delete'n my comment is as humorous as that fairy tale she fed u"

08/06/2015 16:36

"You can keep your rudeness to yourself."

08/06/2015 16:41

"U call it rude...i call it a comment....

but i'm not the one try'n to win the Brian Williams reporter of the year award...

& scene!"

though you could practically hear the crickets dance'n at her last disastrous party

when she left 10 minutes after her performance due to a ~~"stomach flu"~~ incredibly low attendance and "hadda be rushed to the hospital and put on a morphine drip then let her go hours later"...

all to get outta pay'n the overhead from not reach'n her liquor guarantee...i guess only the future knows how many desperado's will ~~attend her next party~~ take a bite outta her next disaster cake she's try'n to get started...