the ALTINATOR

gather round kittens...cuz i gotta excite'n new story to tell ya

remember that cute lil story about Henny Penny...as i recall...from what i can't remember...went nothing like perhaps how she ran around like a heroin addicted hooker...after gett'n gang banged by Loosy Goosey & Turkey Lurky...or somethin' like that...i may be a lil fuzzy on the actual facts

well...after this past weekends unauguratation shenanigan'd shit show

with the present clown of our country...

his sidekick...and spokesmodel for anal leakage...decided to get out fer some fresh air and clear the air from a few unfacts fer everybody on Meet the Press so eloquently

1st off is that comparison pic from the greatest president of the new millennium

try'n to prove who had the most bigley turnout in the history of 

presidential turn-outs...now...at first sight...it looks as though that Mango Mussolini didn't have as much of a turnout...compared to that of OBAMA back in 2009 of course...what the press had failed so miserably to report on is...that though it may have look'd as if there was alotta empty space on the ground...much like inside Miss K's head...but if the press would'a just used a simple zoom lense...they would noticed...

it was entirely packed with supporters...

but apparently no one on the ground gave the accurate results from the hired ticket counters along the parade route

so Miss Cuntess Conway decided to clear things up by release'n the much anticipated...easy guide to fun facts when you don't want people to assume yer just a pile of mental batshit

it's was a sad day at the Bachmann's residence

and in case ya wanna get a jump on yer shopp'n fer yer lil ones...get the latest must have doll fer this years holiglazed season

so in case yer wonder'n...here are some other fun alternative facts that may be not true...but don't bother try'na verify'n any of em...cuz make'n shit up is way more fun when you don't think you have to be held accountable anymore...like this one...

alternative fact #1...dinosaurs were actually very docile cave cats

alternative fact #2...Lindsay Lohan lost out the starr'n role to Sally Field in "not without my daughter"

alternative fact #23...William Hung has sold more records than the Beatles and Madonna combined

alternative fact #4...Scott Baio is just a sad...desperate...republican...anal wart...just try'na restart his career...well ok...that's really a bad example cuz that one's not so much an alternative fact...as it is just a sad fuck'n fact

in the end...if anyone tries to even say that those 300+ marches 

thru-out the world this past weekend...surpassed the inauguration of her boss...Lord FUCKFACE CLOWNSTICK...by millions...it simply can't compare to his actual number of brain dead lobotomized followers he had follow'n him on twitter and other social media outlets

cuz really...if you take a poll from all the Helen Keller's in the entire universe...it never even happened!

she's sorta like a presidential terminator...drunk on dramamine...but with less mass appeal...well cuz of her constant c-o-n-s-t-i-p-a-t-i-o-n-a-r-y looks

in the end...we all know this insomniatic vaginal wart is just in it to make it to broadway

 now get off my dress!