had the chance...whether it be winn'n the lotto...or rubb'n out their own Jeanie...to come true
this list usually consists of things that are either attainable...affordable and sometimes...even asinine...but none the less...these are yer very own accomplishments that you wanna get credit for doin' or purchase'n...before you kick that almighty can
so one of my ever dearly (and thankfully) undeparted friends...
Mrs. "Who Cares...I OWN A STORE" Werner...came up with this concept awhile back...simply entitled..."THE FUCK IT LIST"
now don't get this confused with that lil black book of names and gold stars you've been carry'n around in yer back pocket fer a rainy day kitten...oh no no no no NO!
this list basically is the anti BUCKET LIST...mean'n that...it's stuff yer just ain't ever gonna do before you die...regardless of the peer pressure
i thought about it long and hard (and NO i wasn't at the time...you dirty lil bird!) so without further ado... here is my top 10 FUCK IT! LIST:
10. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna bungee jump...EVER!...so don't ask me!
i've experienced vertigo one too many times dur'in my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe career...and like i've always said...
if i wanna get a rush outta bein' high..i'll just add another inch to my heels!
9. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna swim in the big blue ocean...
as long as there are ANY sea creatures in them...
if i can't see the bottom...i'm not gett'n in...sorry charlie
8. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna jump outta a plane...
with or without a parachute...not on my life!
7. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna set sails on the mighty sea...
i have never been a fan of seafood...nor do i ever wanna become seafood...EVER!
6. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna feel scalpel to skin...fer vanity reasons
well...lemme clarify...if by some chance...i just happened to trip and fall unconsciously onto a cosmetic gurney dur'in my Blanch Devereaux years...and become youthinized fer a few hours...is that really MY FAULT?...but i fer damn sure ain't gonna be clipp'n no damn coupons or download'n any BOGO deals from the internet...thanx to 80's heartthrob Mickey Rourke...who went from fuckable to forgettable
but i heard he's been give'n a 2nd chance with hollyweird...and just landed the lead role in the live action christmas classic...play'n the Heat Miser...good fer him
5. FUCK IT!...i'm never ever gonna get a pet snake....
there's is no way i ever want to wake up from one of my many narcoleptic naps...to find some large ass slither'n snake between my legs...
WAIT...lemme me clarify that one fer ya!
4. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna fake-n-bake my body...
just to look like a baboon's ass...it's just not happen'n!...i like my smooth supple alabasterized ass the way it is
3. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna have a pussy fer a house pet...
ever since me dearly departed friend Jeanie...who spent a large portion of her adult life try'n to snag a sympathetic husband...in the end...had a brain aneurism in her late early 40's watch'n tv one day...and when the paramedics found her 3 days later in the hot summer sun...her cat Luna was gnaw'n at her toes...ended up gett'n eaten by a pussy and she wasn't even a lesbian to begin with
2. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna participate in the runn'n of the bull...
how does that old say'n go? FUCK with the bull...yer gonna get the horns...this guy is fucked...and not in the good way
and the numbero uno FUCK IT!
Drummond roll over in yer grave pleez...
1. FUCK IT!...i'm just neva eva gonna eat raw sushi...EEEEW!...
it's just sooo unnatural and creepy...to me!
(this does not mean i don't love the QUEEN any less)
there you have it kittens...this concludes my FUCK IT! list...fer now...
make yer own unfun and unfabulous list...and FUCK IT!...get of my dress!
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