the globe with my weekly words of whimsicality without gett'n my delicately plump...and oh so delickciously...A double snakes torn apart like a model in a snuff film on a silver platter...by certain pathologically restless readers...and enjoy a merried of fruity celibations fer my birth week with friends...but guess what kittens...
i can & i did...and ended it with these 2 clowns...(wigs...clown nose and glasses graciously provided by thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe) it was a simply splendid even'n...now on with the program
there are very few things in my life that REALLY freak the shit outta me
and clowns are definitely NOT one of them
(insert shameless non equity plug here)
insert BUTT plug here
I LUV'D IT
BUTT...i digress
where was i?...oh yea...to this day...any creepy crawly follicley things like...
tarantula's
tantrums
and twats...freak the live'n shit outta me..seriously!...and especially #3...i mean...i'm all about open dialogue and i try to understand why a very large selection of disproportionately diluted and incredibly awkward male species out there that struggle thru their awkwardness try'n to eat a piece of hair pie fer pleasure...instead of dive'n deep on a thick meaty throat plunger...but i say...as long as i ain't fuck'n you...and you ain't fuck'n me...then why should i fuck'n care who you fuck?
but the one thing that has freaked me out most of all is the #47...cuz finally
it was my turn to turn 47...this may not be no milestone perhaps...and it's not becuz i'm afraid of grow'n old...that's just how the damn game was set up from the start...but i literally thought about it fer the past 38 years...well...cuz that's how old my dad was when he sailed away from this planet
i was contemplate'n what i wanted to do...what i should do...to keep my
my mind of that dreaded number that has haunted me fer the past 38 years...perhaps...a quick trip to THE BIG APPLE to see MICHAEL MOORE's pure genius live on broadway
or just maybe some quick shag with some random BIG CLOWN with a BIG BALLOON (hey...you have yer fantasies...and i'll have mine)
luckily fer me though...when my day finally had come from the 47th year
(after sashay'n thru Joan's meat curtain's)...i DID NOT unfortunately...instead...i choose to stick around and count down the hours on my very own...in my personal shitbox...thanx to my absofuckinglutely fabooshka friend PEETRINELLA...who knows me the best of all...by bequeath'n me with plenty of of ear and eye candy to make it thru the nite...
not have'n seen "WHEN A STRANGER CALLS BACK" in years...i fergot how this movie freaked the fuck'n bejeezus outta me back in the 80's...and to this day...i still can't walk past a brick wall without bein on edge think'n there's someone stare'n me down
i thought of popp'n in a lil pick-me-up...but "DEATH BECOMES HER" was a lil too close to home at the moment...and would have to wait fer another nite...if i was gonna make it thru this nite...so the next few hours i would slip into a 70's coma by putt'n on my platform slippers and polyester flame retardant pajama's fer a double feature of fornication & filth...
"BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS"...a sexually charged melodramatic musical co-written by the late movie critic Roger Ebert was just what the doctor ordered...followed by "INSIDE DEEPTHROAT" (somethin' i've dabbled in from time to time...fer the right dime) a brilliant documentary about the most explosive and lucrative throat plunge'n picture ever played on the big screen in cinematic history from the 70's...both recommended highly...
(unlike the paddy cake flick i made back in '92 in order to get a rent reduction yrs later) but i heard i'm "BIG IN JAPAN" apparently...(just say'n)
by the time the flicks had ended...i looked out and noticed that the moon
had opened her eyes...so of course i was ready to open my thighs...but unfortunately...i was outta data fer the month...so there would be no prick parade on this particular even'n
so instead...i took a quick birdie bath and slowly sipped on a few metamucil martini's after splash'n on my jean nate' after bath body splash...while enjoy'n my latest musical obsession from one BETH DITTO from her solo cd "FAKE SUGAR"...talk about a power house of pussy...with her balls to the walls...there is NOT ONE track on this whole cd that disappoints...with it's opener "FIRE" yer take'n a magical musical journey from the 60's thru the 70's and smack dab into the 80's with her explosive southern pop rock vocals
BOY GEORGE...if yer read'n this...and i'm sure you do...BETH is this generations HELEN TERRY...scoop her up fer a duet...you both would blend perfectly like cucumber vodka with a splash of 7 and a hint of mint
i still was toss'n and turn'n by cd's end...so i decided to try and read some excerpts from BETH DITTO's memoirs "COAL TO DIAMONDS"...but i couldn't find one pop up page dammit...so i figured i'd pop in some more music and another metamucil martini (fer medicinal purposes of course)
the other 2 cd's "A JOYFUL NOISE" by her band GOSSIP & "BETH DITTO EP"...both equally worth a listen (well cuz i've heard them both on youtube years before...but i still enjoy a car concert...and i refuse to be a cover artless fan fer some artists)...but they would have to wait...becuz by now i could see the sun peek'n thru midnight skies
i had finally made it past my 47th...a huge sigh had finally been lifted off my shoulders and outta my mind fer the past 38 years...though i thought and wondered fer a moment what my world would'a been like...had my dad made it past his 47th and would he have approved of how i turned out...bein' thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe that i've become...despite those who wished i hadn't at times
it was about that time to "make the donuts" as it were...so i popped in the remastered "PURPLE RAIN" soundtrack and packed my "remastered" strawberry shortcake metal lunchbox...after master'n the art of tuna...with chopped jalapeno's drown'n in a medium sized dollop of olive oil mayo spread and a beautifully arranged fresh fruit compote
in close'n...i sincerely wanna thank a mill times over to my incredibly generous and very very VERY good friend PEETRINELLA (who's still older than me by 1/2 a year...that's not a petty vanity thing...it's just a reminder before we both start march'n in the senility parade) fer gett'n me thru the my own personal milestone and move'n that 47th monkey off my back...you shall be rewarded greatly this xmas after all (so get crack'n on update'n yer amazon list)
and also my good friend TIMBELLINA fer kick'n it off...POONANIE fer the still unreceived offer'ns (cuz i'll never hear the end of it if i don't give em an honorable mention) and all those who praised me on social media...even if they didn't bring me any canned goods
now get off my dress!
ps...just so she don't think i'm unfergretful...or ungrateful
yes i luv the greatest hits PRINCE video's...but lemme just say...he got lazy with his use of the green screen imagery in the 90's
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