what...with old mister snow miser doin his best fuck'n fancy Fred Astaire tap dance'n bullshit thru-out the entire country this past week…from the north to the south…west coast to the east coast…it was more than enough to make anyone feel like a frozen bag of birds eye peas
i myself felt the brunt of old man winter wake'n up to icicles hang'n off my
barely there eyebrows in my humble lil garden level shitbox at the begin'n of the week that i practically felt like Solo encased in carbonite til my landlord finally dropped off materials so i could saran wrap the hell outta my windows and cut the chill in half then i just scraped off the loose asbestos cling'n to life on the boiler and jammed it between my toes and slipped into my recycled kleenex boxes fer slippers
BUTT…that ain't the worst
the south took an awful beat'n like they were pop sensation Rhianna and
forced to date Chris Brown again...unfortunately the worst end of the fist ended up give'n a good left then right hook to Yosemite Sam's back yard...have'n a root'n toot'n time of it all thru out the entire state...
leave'n millions of Jack's and jack-off's without power or a peaceful nights sleep
however...no one had suffered the worst of this very surprise blizzard than
state senator and Star Search's very own anal suppository spokesmodel...Rafael Edward Cruz...who had had enough of live'n in his walk-in freezer so thank CHER fer his quick think'n pooch Snowflake who noticed the pierce'n sub-zero predicament he was in and booked Teddy and his pedigree an all inclusive vaca to bask and bake under the sizzle’n sun and sand…suck'n sangria's on the beautiful beaches of Cancun Mexico for the week while Snowflake decided to stay behind and tend to the natural disaster destroy'n the state's infrastructure and defend their castle from all terrorists foreign and domestic...
seriously though...we all know that Snowflake had an ulterrier motive to have the family removed from the premisses fer the week!
unfortunately...that bloated bunny was busted while try'n to escape the chill
at the airport…then tenaciously tried tap dance'n his way outta the web he weaved by tell'n the press that he was just a father who had to travel 1300 miles to find run's water…heat and electricity like any heroic father who cared for his daughters would...after of course throw'n his offsprings under the bus claim'n they asked Snowflake to book them the vacation getaway first and that he was plann'n on take'n the next plane back to the states to get down to the biz as to how this disastrous disaster was able to happen on his watch once they made it to the hotel safely
ummm...if #TedFled was the captain of the titanic...the unsinkable Molly Brown would most likely have been fed to the fish...guaranteed!
and don’t miss his directorial debut in the blockbuster hit of the next election cycle loosely based on actual events...Ted stars as the bloated slither’n anal wart who does his damnedest to flee the frigid temps of texas in the dead of nite to cross the border by use’n his own daughters at political shields to save his sorry ass!
and if that wasn't enough fer Fleddy Teddy to contend with…on top of all
that…one of his fav-o-rit support ho's and Francis Buxton's dopplegagger/slobber'n mouthpiece for misogyny towards women that has infected the GOP party slowly but effectively since the late 80's who made his bread and butter as thee most sadistic smarmy salamander to strike the airwaves with his blatant vile vulgarities towards xenophobia and racism…a drug addled slug who rejoiced by doin the boot skoot and boogie live on the air to the latest disco hits every time a non heterosexual would succumb to AIDS or AIDS adjacent illnesses
took his final last dance with the devil days before all the shit hit his fan page!
now there might be those kittens out there that would say that regardless of
Limburger's atrocious antics…viral viciousness and schlocky rhetoric that has caused callousness thru-out the country for 30 plus years…he still had 4 wives and a family that loved him dearly (insert sacrificial meatloaf to the porcelain gods here) and that i outta be a wee bit more sensitive in his pass'n…i reflected on that thought for a moment and thought if his brothel of wives & his own family never spoke against him all these years...they are just as fuck’n vile...twisted and guilty as him...
then it hit me…late great screen goodness BETTE DAVIS had once spoke the most poignant yet comfort'n words of her dear friend JOAN CRAWFORD upon her death
"you should never say bad things about the dead…only good…Rush Limbaugh is DEAD…GOOD!"
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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