been 3 highly important trail blaze'n QUEENS that have captured a smidgen of my attention...that also have unfortunately passed their prime steak and cake days...the first bein that tip toe thru the tulips lead singer FREDDIE MERCURY from the rock band QUEEN who rocked the world with monster hits like "WE WILL ROCK YOU" "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST" "BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY" and the theme song to the sci-fi masterpiece "FLASH GORDON" among many many others...
who left the planet much too soon in november of 1991 "allegedly" due to eat'n the arsenic laced cosmetics he used on the set of the "I WANT TO BREAK FREE" video a few years earlier (look it up kittens...i don't have the time to confirm or deny what some junkie live'n in a refrigerator box told me when i wanted to rent a room on his second floor way back then)
it would be another 31 years later before another important queen who
intrigued me and went thru just as many title changes as i have STD's from HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS OF YORK which she went by thru april of 1926 until decem of 1936
to HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS ELIZABETH from decem of 1936 to novem of 1947
to HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS ELIZABETH...DUTCHESS OF EDINBURGH...COUNTESS OF MERIONETH AND BARONESS GREENWICH from novem of 1947 to feb of 1952...which if ya ask me was a bit "uppity" fer a title don't'cha think? i mean it's not like yer the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of yer own universe lady!
to ultimately simplify'n it all down (so she wouldn't end up gett'n a bad case of carpet tunnel syndrome sign'n all those autographs) to HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN ELIZABETH from feb of 1952 until she peaceful passed away on sept 8th 2022 after 70 years of leave'n ring around the crown (here's hope'n the staff oxy cleaned the fuck outta it...i'm just say'n)
say what you will about the QUEEN whether it be good or bad thru-out
her most impressive and longest reign in the royal family (the jury is still out on that "unfortunate accident" in '97) the broad knew how to pull off a jaunty hat with savoir flair durin' her blue rinse reign
though we unfortunately never gotta chance to gossip over a lovey hot
steam'n cup of earl grey and jaffa biscuits when i was at Buckingham Palace in '95 '99 or '02 due to security have'n an attitude with me all cuz i needed to dip into the loo fer a #2...i have always been fascinated by yer regalities and hope you get to reunite with yer beloved PHILLIP
that's "IF" DIANA let's you thru the pearly gates ma'am (of course you'd have to believe in that delusional playground in the sky as well)
BUTT...wait there's one more
now i've stuck with her thru the wilderness...struck a pose or two with her
on the dance floor and have even give'n her all my love (include'n my 401k...a few vital organs and even downgraded my dignity just so i could see her last couple of concerts a few years ago in the Minne-Apple)
unfortunately...i must'a huffed on too much freezer coolant the other day
when i went to grab a hot pocket fer lunch outta the icebox and happened to come across a blurb online that my fav-o-rit QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR was doin a remake to her smash ABBA influenced hit "HUNG-UP"
and seen what her latest fashion crazy fer the remake would be and it pains me to say this cuz remember i was huff'n on all that freezer coolant...in spite of all that it's tough love time from a life long worshipper...
mmmm freezer coolant
i can barely tolerate the bleached brows with the burnt sienna wig you got
on sale at party city...however a BASEBALL hat??? yer the fuck'n style
ICON of the entire UNIVERSE M-A-D-O-N-N-A fer JESUS MARY KATE and ASHLEY SIMPSON on a flakey graham cracker cross...you can have ANY top fashion designer on the globe who would gladly give you their soul to let you live ferever just to design you in somethin glamorous and boundary break'n that all the desperate bitches beneath yer feet who will eventually fuck it up try'na make a piss poor reproduction of it fer themselves on their next photo shoot fer the Lillian Vernon catalog...
you seriously don't have to look like some sad rejected back-up dance'n fly girl from tv's "IN LIVING COLOR"...you really don't
ever since you purchased PETE BURNS eyepatch from SOTHERBY's
a few years back after his untimely death and decided to have Mercy buy you that glue gun fer Kabbalah class with her weekly allowance and then "borrowed" a handful of Lourdes Marie Veronica Ciccone Leon's facial gems outta her closet
to create yer MADAME X look...things just haven't been the same!
seriously M...i get a distinct feel'n that yer lovely adoptive kids you j'adore
with all yer rebel heart that you won with yer platinum Amex card from that claw machine when you went out fer breakfast at a Denny's in Malawi all those years ago have been call'n all yer fashion shots fer you these past few years (which is fine since they're yer kids) however...i couldn't even read yer tarot cards in the VIP section when i flew my plump A double snakes to NY to visit with you at yer roller disco party in Central Park recently
fer the release of yer incredible 3cd remix set of yer 50 #1's which has already gone to #1 in 7 countries...just cuz yer kids were there...and inspite of all that
why isn't yer spanish lullaby apart of this collection? it was #1 in 9 countries back in '87
and i was all about high five'n you on yer hot new 23 year old throat plunge'n model ANDREW DARNELL you had with you (meeeeouch) nonetheless i only got free shade...cocktails and a chance of collect'n athletes foot with those rental skates...
though i have a distinct feel'n we're gonna be see'n you in glittered horns in the near future with that stare you gave me that nite!
and ps...i didn't really mind the caps during the "EROTICA" phase like alot
of the others who complained about them in the 90's or even the 1st few times i saw you photographed in those grills recently fer the past 5 years roughly...i know ya just wanna "get down" with the "crips" and the "blood's" or whatever names they're goin by these days...
except on print they just look like you got lemon flavored gummy bears stuck between yer teeth and i'm just gonna say it since NO ONE in yer camp apparently has the balls (cuz you are seriously far from yer prime steak and cake days)
the ONLY thing that looks good on grills these days are shish kabobs and that's only fer a maximum of 10 minutes...so please call me...
i got some ideas!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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