Monday, October 8, 2012

hippity hoppity...easter's on it's way sorta!


say kittens...today is a very very specially retarded day fer us here at the orafices of GET OFF MY DRESS (by "us" i mean MEEEEEEEEEEEE...and by "specially retarded" i mean...i could barely contain myself from knock'n into walls and try'n to form a sentence)

so you PC police out there...save yer verbal hand cuffs fer D.O.M.A demonstrations and monster truck rallies...cuz today we have in our studio's (via the informational highway) the breath take'n beauty known as...
LADY BUNNY

so grab yerself some carrot juice...lay yer eggs and enjoy!

Lady Bunny...thank you ever so fer take'n time outta yer busy schedule...
to schedule some time fer this lil ol' unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe

i should first start by say'n...to get it outta the way...

and fer my kittens out there whom never really had the pleasure to witness such a multi media diva in action...would you be ever so kind as to give my dimly lit audience from around the world (thank you google analytics) a taste of what the LADY BUNNY is all about?
Well, she's a drag queen from NYC who has a potty mouth and loves to laugh. Audiences are still laughing with her at her advanced age of 50 and she tours non-stop playing clubs and gay pride festivals with her raunchy act which contains a lot of x-rated song parodies. She organized a drag festival called Wigstock for 20 years which became the subject of a 1995 documentary called...

Before moving to NY she was RuPaul's roommate in Atlanta, Georgia 
and he recently hired her to be the Dean of Drag on RuPaul's Drag U for the past three years. 

I think that wraps it up. Oh wait!--her hobbies include macrame...
and rimming...and she sometimes tries to dj as well.

i've read online recently...after pose'n like some egyptian hieroglyphic to get a connection to it (i live in a Lavern n Shirley apt in the uptown area of the minne-apple...and refuse to upgrade) that yer starr'n in "HOT MESS" in the big apple with yer gal pal Bianca and a host of other delicious big apple gals...can ya tell me the back story to this fabulous cabaret performance and when can we expect the BUNNY to hop down the bunny trail to the minne-apple to perform it here?
I live in a half-basement apartment like you! 

Hot Mess is a fairly new weekly show with a bunch of queens including 
Milan from Drag Race Season 4

It's at a new club called XL and it recently made international headlines 
when we "roasted" Tan Mom and she got blithering drunk, fell on the red carpet and showed her panties. 

She then went on to repeatedly mutter that she never put her daughter in a tanning bed--but accusations that she had endangered her daughter are the reason we know about her in the first place. She truly put the hot back in Hot Mess!

Minneapolis gigs haven't been too plentiful in recent years. I'm friendly with Wanda Wisdom and always enjoy myself when there. So I'm ready to come and perform anytime!

i recently relived the wonderful SATC series from start to finish...
after od'n on 2 cases of red bull cuz i broke up with this completely unavailable socially retarded hot mess...(i got the sense he couldn't commit...well unless it involved restraints)...but we're all good now

and you know where this is headed right?...it's yer head!...
how does ones noggin handle so much pressure put on it with that pile of hair? i swear it's like yer wigs have their own area code or somethin'... i mean really...can you tell us...how many chilean children must suffer their Sinead O’Connor fate just so you can have those beautiful locks frame'n such a delicate satin face?

I think you're referring to my tiny scene on Sex And The City. They waited until the 13th hour in drag to shoot my closeup...
and I was terrified that I'd have a beard! Are you all hard yet?

if my face WAS delicate, I wouldn't need such giant coiffures. The wig on SATC was actually made by Project Runway alumni Chris March, 
who once made me a wig containing 16 wigs. It was so heavy that I have to do special neck-sercizes to support them. 
I call them neck-sercizes, most people call them blow jobs.

a dear dear friend of mine...we'll just call her Jessica K from Winona, MN...to keep her anonymity private...recently attended...20 years ago i guess...a little event you co-created called WIGSTOCK...i feverishly spent hours create'n her a Pete Burns style wig completely outta used telephone chords and a swimm'n cap...fer all my lil my kittens out there born after the new millennium...yes...yer phone...at one point...
did not follow you around like a trilogy of terror on a daily basis

now where was i...oh yea...so this was a HUGE event sorta spun on the heels of Woodstock from what i understand...and it always falls on my birthday...labor day weekend (i am a child of labor after all) 

what got you to come up with such an insanely ingenious event fer ALL to enjoy? and part 2...do my kittens have a chance to participate in this joyous occasion every labor day still to this very day?
I was working at the Pyramid Club when we hit on the idea to put on a drag show in the park. There was so much talent at that club that it blew my little country--just up from Georgia--mind.  So we tried it once and  it was soon a success.

After 20 years we stopped due to two years of rain. So we are on a long hiatus but we didn't completely curl up and dye. We may return at some point but right now I'm focusing on solo stuff. But I'm glad you made it to one while it was running. And that bathing cap is a great idea! Hmmmmm….

so Lady Shit-My-Pants (oops)...i mean GaGa...has admitted that Madonna was a huge influence regard'n her career and paid tribute to her with her "Born This Way" rip-off...what i wanna know is...why hasn't GaGa publicly acknowledged that she blatantly stole yer moniker fer her own personal gain on google?
I don't think she did--remember there was Lady Miss Kier and Lady Chablis from the movie Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil and many others. I did work with Gaga a couple times and she once told me that she had talked about doing a wig like mine: flat on top and huge in the back. I was like FLAT ON TOP? MY WIG? (It had fallen.) Flat hair gives me a major complex. 

we have a ? from one of my kittens and another dear friend of mine...
Karen M from St Paul, MN (she gets 1 dear cuz she refuses to return my calls in a timely manner) she wanted to know...what current politician or historical figure would the BUNNY like to dress in drag?

Well, I wouldn't mind undressing Obama--I think he's so sexy! I'm not really into forced feminization but I wouldn't mind putting Romney
in crack addict hooker drag after that "bottom 47% of the US are losers" comment. It would be lots of fun to drop him off late at night in a dangerous ghetto area.

(bibitty bobitty boo...it's done just fer you)

before we go...i wanna give you the opportunity to promotionally whore out anything...in order to keep you in the fabulous frocks you've become so accustomed to...so is there anything my kittens can experience thru monetary value...to be part of yer experience?
Not promoting anything except my live shows--my blog on ladybunny.net will keep people posted. And that Bunny's always hoppin'! I hope to Minneapolis soon!

well i will try and crack a few eggs to try and make that happen fer ya!

now we've come to the segment of the interview that i like to call...
"can we talk about ME fer a change?"

so this is how it works...in yer best Barbara Walters impression...ask me anything you want to about ME under the rainbow...that you don't already know...since you don't know me anyways...well accept about rainbows...cuz that just fuck'n lazy journalism
You are a mess! Love the way you write--even when you're being lazy. I don't actually know about the rainbows but you write very colorfully. A little like my crazy friend Candy Ass in LA. (Corey, who set up this interview, will get a kick out of that one!)

well i'm sure you gotta run and start fluff'n and stuff'n somewhere
a funny bunny needs to make her honey money...so i guess we're...ummm...done-y!

i wanna thank the lovely and talented LADY BUNNY fer touch'n a part of me that hasn't been touched in years...if you'd like to know more...
please hop on over to her page @ www.ladybunny.net/

and don't ferget kittens...and Bunny yer more than welcomed to come...(it's been like 5 days fer me)...to THEE EVENT of the the year....otherwise you can just get off my dress!


Monday, October 1, 2012

my spice girls

i hadda killer eyeball orgasm all set fer yer cornea this morn'n kittens...
spent 4 hours putt'n the final touches on it last nite...and  the click of 1 button...
*POOF*....it had felt like the house had just dropped on top of me

so until i can unlock my memory...and remember all that i wrote...today yer just gonna have'ta deal with sloppy joe's seconds...so enjoy!

it's like that song goes..."music...makes the people come together...yea"

and it really does!

some people get high on crack or coke...i prefer gett'n high on melody!

last week...me and my friend Karen...went to see
the A-M-A-Z-E-N Olivia Newton-John in concert

she did not disappoint...and she was even better than she was when i seen her a few months back in Chicago...cuz she wasn't sing'n to her karoake hits...she had a full band...and i didn't want her to stop

she looked even more incredible...and sounded like the complete bluebird
like she did way back in the day when it all began in the 70's

all my fav's were sung...and a couple i never heard of

my only negative remark i could say about the whole even'n...she never did my all time fav Olivia track..."slow dance'n"...but i'll let it slide...this time...

if you've never had the chance to see her live...you must!

up next...my 80's ladies...the Go-Go's
one of my 1st all girl band crushes

not in a sexual way mind you...but more like the mall girls that you wanted to hang with once you got off yer shift at the Orange Julius

i've seen them in the past...with just 1 Go-Go at the time...
when lead singer Belinda Carlisle...opened fer Culture Club in Brighton back in the late 90's...and let's just say...heaven was almost a place on earth that nite

a few years later with the whole band at the MN State fair...
and to be fair...i'da been more content sing'n with them in concert...in my car...i'm just say'n

it could'a been that time of the month...or perhaps gnaw'n on 1 too many deep fried frog legs before hitt'n the stage...but i'm all about 2nd chances...fer a third time

the biggest surprise this musical season...fer me...GOSSIP!

i fell in love with GOSSIP! by pure accident a few years back while cruise'n down the informational highway search'n fer another singers hits..and i crashed head on into them...leave'n me completely paralyzed with joy

lead singer Beth Ditto...would be the ultimate in fag haggery

this will be the 1st time see'n her live and in person...up close and personal...and if she's anything like i've seen on the informational highway before...you'd be a fool not to go

but the ULTIMATE experience...25 years in the make'n...fer MN anyways....is

THEE ONE...

THEE ONLY...

i remember goin' fer the 1st time with my best friend Kevyn back in 1987...
durin' my not so sweet 16th year...we thought pay'n $37 was brake'n the bank...and it was at the time...but worth every penny

flash forward to 25 years later...as the QUEEN will finally be make'n her triumphant return to the land of 10,000 bottoms...(oops)...i mean lakes...

though this time...Madonna smashed my piggy bank to a bazillion pieces...
and took 4,000 pennies from me...but to be fair...she now has 4 children to think about...besides being the ULTIMATE performer of the universe
there's lil Lourdes who's turn'n out her own style these days

and lil Rocco who's work'n it out with his ma on stage durin' this tour

and who can ferget about lil Mercy and David...2 peas from the same pod

so if i can help out from keep'n her off any sorta government assistance programs...i'm glad to lend a charitable hand

so to help me...help'n her...help'n you...come to the biggest nite this town will ever see at CAMP in St Paul...just blocks away from the Xcel Energy Center

be there so i can see you there...cuz ya never know WHO'LL show up!
*wink wink*

and please kitten...remember...get off my dress!

Monday, September 24, 2012

hut 1...hut 2...take a hike

most people who are aware of my interests...know that sport'n events...like most of my extra curricular late nite callers...are at the bottom...of my list!

i was always picked last when choose'n sides at any school sport'n event...
it felt like i was climb'n aboard the train to Auschwitz every time...

cuz my own teammates would turn on me if the other side scored on my watch...include'n my coach at the catholic school i was forced to attend
(save the "awwww's" kittens...i survived)

i never really understood the whole teeth grind'n...donkey punch'n...maniac enthusiasm that took over everytime when the whistle was blown...
turn'n the entire crowd and the team into a rabid savage beast from below!

the punts and grunts...grabb'n for each others balls between their meaty thighs...
 with all that huff'n and puff'n back and forth action til you can barely stand...

 and all that towel snapp'n...ass slapp'n action in the communal showers after each winn'n game...

i never really grasped the full scale of that concept...*scratch record*
 until now!

yes...i can admit i am a fair weathered fan...if our state team makes it to the finals...i'll jump on board...just cuz i'm bored...but the only way i'll be pick'n players fer my fantasy football team...is if they're part of mine
 (you may insert huge evil grin now!)

football especially has always been known as an aggressive...meat and potatoes...all american sport'n event fer the non homosexuals...
 that essentially pisses off a bunch of non sports minded people try'n to take the freeway home as an easy access when leave'n their latest "touchdown"

don't get me wrong...non heterosexuals watch it as well...
 but it's mainly fer all the sweaty man on man pig piles...and how they would treat those hard to remove grass stains from their tights!

i am even pseudo friends with a famous non heterosexual line backer

they've always been there kittens..it's just more widely received now then it was back in the "good ol' days" and they've become champions in my mind...fer speak'n they're mind

case in point...recently...Raven's linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo

then this religious doosh rag...elected official from Maryland comes out and speaks his mind and blasts the NFL and Brendon fer speak'n his mind...

thankfully...the hotness known as Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe

i told you this would be a HUGE play off this season...and looks like Chris just punted the winn'n touchdown fer the team and fer equal rights fer all!

i rarely say NO to anything...but this i know...VOTE NO! this november...
or get off my dress!


ps...have you gotten yer gear ready to go CAMP'n soon?