Bing Crosby tickle'n yer ears with his merried of melodies
and Grama bake'n a hot canned fruit compote...
half baked...and totally tanked!
ahhh...the holiglazed season'n begins once again!
the x-mas gifts came early this year...and i couldn't wait to open them...
gift #1...my fav-o-rit tv show returned after 4 years...
they tried to remake Gilligan's Island into a new series...
but thankfully it was cancelled shortly after previews...cuz the general public knows a shitty show when they see one!
i didn't' even bother sitt'n on pins and needles that nite...
cuz i knew this pin head would not step foot in the OVAL ORIFICE...
thanx in part to the 47% that got out to vote...
oh yea...and this big yellow bird!
and then i noticed at the bottom of my gift...was this text...
i received from a useless...disposable...skanky ho bag...republicunt friend from high school
delete me from her cell phone?...HA!....she doesn't know me at all...
honey...you have been r-e-m-o-v-e-d from my unisvere like a bad STD!
the rest of you self loath'n...sore lose'n...pasty white republicants...me thinks it's time to regroup and get off the shitter...cuz the world is over ride'n aboard yer train of thought!
gift #2...the very successfully attended M event...
my very 1st gig i conceived..created...hosted and performed across the river from the Minne-Apple
@ CAMP bar in St Paul
everyone had a great time...people in all sizes from all suburbs showed up...some even flew in all the way from chicago and one from michigan...
and 1 guy even drove up from iowa
i came up with a couple of looks myself to commemorate the occasion
my "Express Yourself" look
my "Like a Virgin" look
my "Frozen" look
photos taken by my fab friend Karen...restoration done by my other fab friend Tony...and the complete FAB-U-LESS-NESS known as ME?
PRICELESS!
i had the current 2012 "Vogue" look...but the corset was left at the cleaners...and i just couldn't be photographed without it...you understand....right?
we raised a healthy chunk of change fer my 2 fav-o-rit charities...
there were rumors aflutter that the QUEEN would come (i don't know who started that one)
though no substantiated photo's surfaced...suffice it to say...her spirit was felt...and drunk...all nite long
gift #3...the bestest gift i could've ever received
the QUEEN's return to the land of 10,000 lakes
the show was more than i ever expected it to be
(i sustained myself from watch'n most of the fan made footage on youtube prior to her hitt'n the stage)
i arrived at the concert with my good friend Emily and Karen...
we were on the floor while Karen hadda hold a hankie to her nose unfortunately...but she finally made her 1st Madonna concert after all these years
before the show began...i had already dropped enough change on tee's and trinkets and the concert tickets alone...that i feel i've done my charitable act fer the year...by save'n another unwed mother from sign'n up fer food stamps
by 10:37 on the 1st nite (i broke down and went fer broke twice...why not!)
a mystical haze of smoke...robed monks and the deep rumble of gregorian chants filled the stage
and then...IT FINALLY HAPPENED...
the QUEEN arrived float'n above the stage in a confessional
explode'n the solemn scene into a frisky dance number...
with a gigantic gothic cathedral as the backdrop...complete with gargoyles and scantily clad monks in heels gyrate'n to her smash hit "GIRL GONE WILD"
i needed a defibrillator...STAT!...you must understand kittens...i could barely contain myself...(thank CHER fer colostomy bags)
the show went from a journey of total darkness to an unbelievable light
from metaphorical gun splatter'n scenes denounce'n a failed relationship
to turn'n into a majorette in a major way
there were drummers dangle'n from high above the stage...
as Madonna went from majorette to head of the cheerlead'n squad
by mash'n up "express yourself " with Lady Gaga's "born this way" as a side order...to let everyone know she has no plans on abdicate'n her throne any time soon with "she's not me"...
before ending with her pom pom parade to "gimme all your luv'in"
MADONNA rocked it out... while my cocktail was out...
kick'n up her heels like nobody without a personal yoga instructor can!
most of the show was comprised of incredible imagery support'n her new album MDNA...but she did open up her vault of musical treasures...to treasures past...of course give'n the classics a new twist to enjoy
from Joan of Arc sing'n "I'm Addicted"...to rocker chic in "Turn up the Radio"...to a melodramatic sultry strip down version of "Like a Virgin"
of course no MADONNA concert would be complete...
without stike'n a pose to "VOGUE"
a 36 member choir got everyone praise'n the QUEEN...
to her 80's smash hit "Like a Prayer"...and trust me when i say...her voice did take you there!
include'n her son Rocco
whether perform'n with Basque trio Kalakan durin' "Open Your Heart"...
the dancers kidnapp'n the QUEEN to "Hung Up" or ride'n a bus thru Bali for "I'm a Sinner"
the MDNA tour was more than a concert...
it was an experience you will never never forget!
even Nicki Minaj herself declared so effortlessly...via video...
and though all good things must come to an end...
MADONNA...ROCCO...the DANCERS...and the CROWD were glad to have been part of this "CELEBRATION" after 25 years
fer those wonder'n about little Lourdes not being part of the show...
never fear...she was there...just back stage doin what proper teen girls should be doin
fer those who missed out on this breathtake'n extravaganza...
her last stop on her US tour was filmed in Miami in 3D fer a dvd release later next year...stay tuned fer details on how to make my 2013 x-mas...super x-tra gravy...fer those that want to start early!
gift #4...OH MY...CHER!
her amazenly powerful spin class sensation "WOMAN'S WORLD" came out
and of course you know...this means a new album...possibly probably another never end'n tour...that i will undoubtedly be host'n another faboosh party for...why not!
i swear...anyone try'n to top these gifts i've received and opened already...will have to read my mind
now hurry before ya get trampled on...oh yea...and get off my dress!
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