to this very day fer some strange reason...from the salacious act of fornication (fer a handful out there) that if they're lucky enough...hope that he's able to blast his proton torpedo's on the 1st try to blow yer box apart so you can collect an easy kings ransom years later once you've grown tired and weary of all those PTA meet'ns and after school specials...that you weren't especially fond of to begin with
though...thanx to science...turkey basters everywhere are finally sing'n
hallelujah from the top of their squeeze box cuz they're bein' used like a proper hooker on holiday and no longer have to suffocate in the trash compactor kitchen drawer of useless utensils
if yer lucky enough months later...yer egg timer goes off as planned and
it's time fer you to rejoice once you've expelled the breath'n blood suck'n mongrel from between yer thighs...followed by a flood of gifts and congrats from family and friends around fer at least the 1st 5 years...as you look down at what you miraculously created...only to wonder what they'll make of their life head...like fer instance...
who knew that this jolly jovial bundle of irish joy with the baby blues...
plucked from a litter of 5...born in Kent, England
would become thee biggest and most celebrated king of queens...the unmistakabley multi talented gender bend'n sing'n songwriter on the planet...who's sold more than 100 million singles and still spinn'n out the hits on his latest collaboration with Pete Tong...give'n a nod to the hedonistic days of Studio 54 with "SYMPHONY OF YOU"
or that this lil lassy with the thick brown italian locks and lashes fer miles...
from a flock of 7 sibs...born in the town of Bay City, MI
would become the reinvented blonde bombshell chanteuse QUEEN of the dance floor...circle'n the globe with decades of hit after hit under her belt...sell'n more than 335 million records and no intention on become'n dethroned any time soon...with her latest smash hit tour "MADAME X" circle'n the globe in support of her latest collection of hits under the same name
how precious and precocious with perfectly perfected arched eyebrows
at such an early age...with untold mischievous dreams dance'n around in their head...just try'na adjust the dimly lit spotlight away from the other 7 rugrats runn'n around on the farm in Winona, MN
to become the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe that you've ALL come to grow unattached to fer the past almost 25 years (9.5 of them read'n this blog)
unfortunately though...we all can't all be blessed with our lil bundle of joys
can we?...cuz no matter how much attention you may give yer money hungry mongrel (or plural)...from restless nites to rehearsals...
some of those lil fuckers would've been better off skewered at the end of a knitt'n needle...
if you'd only just spent the damn $2.99 fer the 1st minute and listened to the professionals...you could've saved yerself...and the world...from untold misery
sure...they might come out look'n all cherub like...make'n you the happiest
parent on the face of the earth...laugh'n fer hours on end...dress'n em up in the cutest outfits while they throw a fit...with endless trips over the river and thru the tick infested woods to grannies house...that is until you force them to clean their room as a teenager fer their insolence behavior
and once they grow up...they decide to clean the country instead!
you hope that yer spawn will become somethin' successful in life right?
like perhaps a delightfully dedicated doctor or maybe some great charismatic chef work'n in world renowned restaurants around the planet...and though they may start show'n interests as a small but unimportant child in both fields of yer interest...
sometimes it's best to not force yer child into somethin' they had no interest in to begin with cuz it may not turn out as what you had initially envisioned
and even though you can't help but spend hours gett'n lost in their eyes
as they wake every morn'n...as you do yer best to teach them the fundamental tools that they'll need to help them grow into a respectable humane human...from honesty and compassion fer their fellow man...to how to keep their head and their piggy bank afloat at all times no matter what the means...by underhandedly change'n the rules to games like monopoly and life in order to win no matter what the cost is
sometimes though...it's best when suggestions of abortion are give'n as a means to an unfortunate situation...are carried out immediately!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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