let's hop in a our delirious delorean and set the year to 2010 shall we?
when the future king hair plugs fer men model and his royal paint by numbers got hitched so they could move on up the monarchy chain...
Lady Blah Blah managed to make a mockery of both vegans and veggie lovers not to mention cannibals and carnivores everywhere by desperately seek'n attention become'n creatively callous wrapp'n herself up in some carcass she ran over on the way to the the Mtv awards...
instagram became an insta hit...
and every gaggle of north pole puffers...prolapsed emporiums and their fav-o-rit temperamentally undiagnosed maxi padders flocked to the theater with their kerchief in their culottes to check out the latest adventures of CARRIE BRADSHAW...SAMANTHA JONES...MIRANDA HOBBS and CHARLOTTE GOLDENBLATT (that unfortunately this unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe could'a honestly waited fer on dvd...which is still perfectly acceptable to me since I hadda spend 2 hrs next to some schizophrenic chipmunk try’n open a bag of pistachios or somethin nut adjacent so calm yer nibbley parts down kittens)
BUTT...F-I-N-A-L-L-Y...
after 11 long years of wait'n fer a proper conclusion...HBO has decided to
do their due diligence by defibrillate'n their desperate dick wranglers and their dickless diaphragmers with 10 episodes of more delightful drama that picks up where the last movie left us demand'n fer more...
unfortunately with some magor differences!
everyone's fav-o-rit unapologetic size queen SAMANTHA JONES will not
be return'n to delight her audience with her dickliciousness dialogue and diatribes due to unresolved issues with one Miss Bradshaw apparently (of which I WILL NOT be hashtag team’n either side) and though we will all be mourn'n SAMANTHA's disappearance...they simply CANNOT make us mourn her character...reportedly they will explain her absence as friendships that grew apart as they grew older...which...let's be honest here...jealousy and envy is a desert fer disaster...it happens to ALL of us!
to the delight of us all out there the delicious furniture dwiddle'n D.I.L.F
and CARRIE's best choice fer luva's as far as most fans were concerned...AIDAN SHOW portrayed by the dash'n JOHN CORBETT has signed back on fer a boat load of episodes in what capacity WE DO NOT KNOW YET but if i were a writer on the series (and seriously at this point...I SHOULD BE MICHAEL...call me...i will help you!) CARRIE would calm her tits down & end up married once again...
since CARRIE's current hubby MR BIG played by the handsome CHRIS NORTH is still an unconfirmed cast member return'n....besides he'd be in his mid sixties by now and a perfect candidate fer a massive cardial infarction which would be the perfect tear jerk'n opener to the series (like Hans surprise death in Star Wars 7)
and the perfect reason to introduce AIDAN back into her arms fer all the bleed'n hearts everywhere cuz really THEY WERE MEANT TO BE!
and yet another unconfirmed two-time'n bartend'n D.I.L.F STEVE BRADY
played by the muskley DAVID EIGENBERG is in talks with the producers to reappear and trust me...we all got our fingers crossed cuz really it was just that one time...i'm sure the stench of that cheap floozy has been completely fergotten in Miranda's mind by now
the sizzle'n as hell fuckstik SMITH JERROD played by JASON LEWIS
unfortunately would have zero reason to give us weekly long shower masturbational dreams if SAM is not appear'n in the series...however how 'bout this...his career ends in hollyweird but MIRANDA and STEVE's son Brady stumbles across one of his "films" on pornhub as a power daddy top & he comes out as to his parents as a power hungry bottom twink (hey...it could happen!)
the loveably cued balled jew lawyer family man HARRY GOLDENBLAT
played by EVAN HANDLER is also unconfirmed as this story went to print but they can't make CHARLOTTE a widow nor turn him into some ax wield'n homicidal serial killer so i'm sure his return will happen eventually
of course the show wouldn't be complete without that very oh-so-snappy
judgey wudgey fancy ferry-go-round with that subtle savoir flair'n sword swallower STANDFORD BLATCH played by WILLIE GARSON
though we can see his hubby and former nemesis ANTHONY MARANTINO played by MARIO CANTONE try'n to recapture his youth by gett'n one too many fillers when he falls fer a new years baby twink after 3 cheat'n years together so he's an unnecessary returnable character and completely dispensable like most of my relationships
production begins this summer in the big apple...but no release date has
been set just yet...however...a lil birdie tells me this will be an honest as can be conclusion to all the friendships and fall-outs and fuck-ups and what it's like fer a real woman in her 50's (w/an unlimited expense account & designers plead’n to wear their latest creations) live'n in NY so we’ll finally get the fairytale end’n after all and i fer one can't wait fer it's premier
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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