get off my dress: BARBARA STREISAND

Monday, June 26, 2023

THE WAY WE WERE

picture it kittens...the year was 1973 and K-K-K-K-ATIE MOROSKY who

was played by that semi operatic anti war protestor BARBARA STREISAND fall'n in love with this uppity waspy classmate of hers that had his sites set on hollyweird named HUBBEL played by the righteous ROBERT REDFORD who could barely remember "THE WAY WE WERE" by film's end

CARLY SIMON topped the charts by bottom'n out all those egotistical narcissist's everywhere with her backhand sammich hit "YOU'RE SO VAIN"

and WALTER CRONKITE delivered the devastate'n news to all right wing maniacal anti abortionists everywhere

BUTT let's move on if you can...

fast forward to 42 years later (8 years back) and i found myself relive'n

key elements of that time in space from 1973 (thanx to a FB memories reminder) see...i've been in the biz of show off and on fer the better part of 25+ years now and lemme tell you...things can get petty ugly at the drop of a dildo

with PRIDE month finally cumm'n to a close...i found myself reminisce'n

of the last time when i participated in PRIDE...it felt as if i was right in the middle of a bad episode about some petty and bilious reality show once the claws came out durin' one pitiful PRIDE event after some piteous pigeon toed piranha tried pour'n a glass of pinot misery on my parade

so puff on yer virgina slims while slurp'n on a delicate glass of 2 buck chuck and enjoy this trip down memory lame

many many moons ago my sensationally savvy CEO and simply sublime

VP of my fan club had inquired about throw'n a new bash atop a certain downtown rooftop eatery fer PRIDE weekend in the Minne-Apple to try and wake up plus shake up this tired city...

with a taste of glorification and grandeur that this town had been so desperately lack'n fer (let's be honest) years sadly

we were toss'n up idea's as to who could pack the punchline in the lunch

line dur'in the annual non heterosexual parade...someone who was in yer face like date rape mace...someone quick with the whip that's still pretty hip...someone clever and funny so we opted fer LADY BUNNY

of course what roof top party would be completely complete without a lil

sprinkle'n of just a few savory ~~eyesores~~ eye candy butt models from Andrew Christian give'n away free underwear (and maybe even a few std's if yer lucky enough to get their number)

and then suddenly it was as if a tantrum tornado started to whip up from the west!

well...deposits were paid fer BUNNY and the boys at this unnamed eatery

nonetheless leave it to some self-centered bloated pig in wig to toss a pissy hissy!

trust me...she ain't worth mention'n (though i've worked with her before) even if she may be artistically inclined with floral arrangements by drown'n 'em in glitter and glow lites dur'in the holidays...

she's nothin' but a maniacal merlot bore...nothing more and then i started hear'n rumors around town that she professed how she was the "MADONNA" of the Minne-Apple and that she made boat loads of benjamins every year at her ~~brunch~~ salad bar while she would have one of her many epic merlot meltdowns though she was extremely elated when she heard that some "huge corporation" wanted to sponsor her sad soiree...

here's the deal-o unfortunately (i hate to be the bearer of bad news) the "HUGE CORPORATION" she was referr'n to was the CEO and VP of MY fan club...and truth be told...this annual event had been loose'n money year after year which was in dire need of a defibrillator with a new name and a new cast that could bring it back to life and bring in the big bucks...however...the owner did not see eye to eye with my fan club members...

cuz even though he lost money year after year...he felt some loyalty to this self-involved eye sore...nonetheless said we could still do the party as planned as long as they forked over a bundle to cover his loses from the past 3 years before we would see a profit

so my VP pulled the plug on the whole damn show and skedaddled outta dodge...though CUNT WEEDS was goin around town tell'n those who wished they could rearrange their DNA in the form of Helen Keller...that she had stolen the party out from under us...

Alex...i'd like to take "delightfully delusional" fer $1000 pleez?

though i was a bit disappointed...i was in no way expect'n the board of my fan club to cover someone else's mistakes...so i tucked in my tail and moved on as well

that is...until i recently read an article written by some snoreville ink slinger

who worked at some local mag rag mention'n how said CUNT had done floral arrangements fer the QUEEN's birthday bash

and helped in the redecoration of Prince's throw pillows at Paisley Park in the 90's

Miss "my name's on the marquee" drops as many names as fast as she drops her glass of wine and in the 15 some years that i've known this self diluted drunk...not ONCE was the QUEEN ever mentioned...

so i put on my Angela Lansbury cap and did a lil investigate'n...
only to find out that she was fired from the Paisley Park staff after a day fer bad mouth'n her boss and steal'n material from the purple paisley man himself...

so there was no need to delve into this rubbish any further though my ghost writer (IVANA P) decided to write a retort to said fabricational story in some shitty monthly rag said "reporter" worked at to set the record straight once and fer all:

"seriously?...there's more holes in that story than a slice of swiss cheese

and Bonnie & Clyde put together...this is just a poorly written episode of PR FLUF~N~STUFF!

if you REALLY want an exclusive...lemme tell you about the time me and

Madonna decided to get away fer the weekend by hopp'n aboard the Starship Enterprise to the planet Uranus...

and had tiki cocktails and kiki dances with the likes of Cher and Ruth Bader Ginsburg"

now i won't give away this "reporter's" identity...cuz really...her legacy

and "integrity" is at stake apparently...H-O-W-E-V-E-R...fer visual purposes to this hard hitt'n story thru journalistic fantasy land...lets just call her "PELICAN"

this is the actual transcript between me and said "reporter"...

via FB due to my simple freedom of speech

08/06/2015 15:26

"just so you know, I'm deleting your rude comment."

08/06/2015 15:58

"just so you know...it's all PR fluff"

08/06/2015 15:58

"Well, I wrote the article so I take offense to you publicly questioning my integrity. Please don't. If you have and issue with ~~Richard~~ (CUNT WEEDS), please send him a private message."

08/06/2015 16:01

"delete'n my comment is as humorous as that fairy tale yer try'n to sell to yer readers"

08/06/2015 16:36

"You can keep your rudeness to yourself."

08/06/2015 16:41

"you call it rudeness...i call it a comment to yer delusionally fabricated story"

"but i'm not the one try'n to win the Brian Williams reporter of the year award!"

and scene!

so there you have it kittens...the real story how it ALL really went down

all them years ago!

i look back and know that i have grown from this experience...however...

you fuck with a virgo bull...yer just ask'n fer my glittered horns!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

Monday, January 21, 2019

retouch'n my roots

i discovered a helluva lotta things over the weekend...

like fer instance...how apple spice febreeze that you stocked up on at the after xmas sale fer 79 cents a can...DOES NOT make yer quaint lil shit box smell like the fresh baked apple pie that yer granny used to bake...when yer try'na mask the smell of burnt popcorn you made...no matter how much you've sprayed...while wait'n on yer brother and his wife to visit fer the nite

that when yer fav-o-rit vegan vommit'n brother visits fer the nite...

and decides to take you out fer dinner in a glass...just as long as there's somethin' on the menu to fulfill his cruelty free conscious tasty buds...then proceeds to drop more bombs than they did at Hiroshima back at yer pleasant lil shitbbox...with the same deadly results...to yer nasal passages

BUTT the biggest find i found...was bigger than any other i've seen

fugetabod Ru Paul's regurgitated hag race

or the answer to the poor man's macaroni and cheese excrement...

cuz the BIGGEST thing i've ever come across...since chipp'n my teeth last saturday nite with some rico suave from Racine WI...

was my accidental find'ns of the irish born sing'n sensation and perform'n illusionist...the one and only...fantabulously delishcious...DANNY LA RUE

born Daniel Patrick Carol 1927...he was the youngest of 5 children...

Danny moved to London in 1937...and became an alter boy in his tender teen years...think'n he wanted to join into the priest hood later on down the road...

much like i myself...who also was an alter boy in my younger prepubescent years...when my aunt used to tell me that i should go into the priesthood when i grow up...before i decided...i needed a much bigger pulpit to perform from as thee future unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...

but me...like DANNY's mother...knew he needed a much bigger stage

in 1943...Danny joined the navy and has his 1st break entertain'n...

the troops...that is until finally...in 1954...Danny started perform'n on stage...in the spotlight...fer the masses on their asses in London's famous West End

once the 1960's rolled around...DANNY was consume'n the spotlight...

the houses were packed nite after glorious nite...with no room to breath...

with the likes of Barbara Streistand and Judy Garland as many of his fasmous celeb fans

one of his most famous fans that he became chummy with was actual

royalty...who he even had the pleasure of fry'n up a back hand sammich for on one particular nite when a tuned up Princess Margaret slapped DANNY across the face...durin' the 60's at one of her parties...all cuz DANNY told her to lay off the liquor...days later she would be bow'n to his heels fer forgivness

by 1972 DANNY LA RUE starred as the lead'n lady in his only