R U SEAR-E-US-LEE?

everyone has dreams and wishes and hopefully most out there have had 

at the very least lived long enough to see at the very least one of them come to fruition that they thought of while mindlessly tumble'n down their own wonderous rabbit hole of the many many extravagant possibilities...from winn'n the lotto to rubb'n one out with their very own personal lovely lobotomized love slave that they could summon up with the simple snap of their fingers or blink of their almond shaped eyes

this list usually consists of many things that are either easily attainable or  

affordable though however sometimes it's downright absolutely asinine...nonetheless...these are yer very own personal accomplishments that you wanna revel in or get credit for doin' before you kick that almighty can in the cooter 

recently some tiktok'n twatter on twitter and some "influencer" on insta

decided it was gonna make their day and in my best interest if i would check and correct my grammarfication regard'n my own personal blog that they decided to infiltrate and peruse one lazy unfuckable afternoon cuz apparently they hadn't been fuck'd since the beginn'n of time so they figered they'd fuck with me...well after skimm'n thru their profile fer a quickie (of course) i soon realized that THEY were one of THEM!

so lemme guess...the makers of MANWICH should now come out with THEMWICH?

HALL and OATES should seriously rethink rerecord'n their black widow hit "MANEATER" into THEMEATER maybe?

perhaps yer temperamentally fragile ego would feel so much better if Marvel retitled the IRONMAN series into IRONTHEM?

and surely the residents of MANHATTAN would have zero issues and be particularly pleased as porcupine punch with their deliciously delightful dirty rat infested town bein' referred to as THEMHATTAN from this day forward?

ummmm let's just get real here kittens! the small portion of the "whiney"

wokers (and those older generational letters who wanna come off as some sorta "trendy" sympathize'n pair of chino's) that want to roll back the clock and completely cancel other generational letters freedom and fun times need to wake up and stop finger point'n and magic marker'n their picket signs when they wanna be seen as some delusional victim cuz of THEIR pronoun THEY decided to give THEMSELVES fer the past 5 years and THEIR only concern is how many "likes" THEY got fer THEIR pathetic post...cuz listen up...eventually (if yer lucky enough) you will make it to our age and the generation nipp'n at yer heels behind you will chew you up and spit you out just the same!

i WILL NEVER bow down to some made-up MING mentality...there will 

always be those who feel uncomfortable with what others did or do and said or say (it's all about context kittens) and if you think protest'n against those people not on yer same sensitive wave length by hold'n them accountable fer every little part of their past or destroy'n every part of their livelihood in the present just cuz yer not on board with their way of think'n and the only answer you will ever accept is if they change...GET BENT!

1st off...i have never been one to follow anyone's advice...i have never

been one to follow anyone's ass (unless it's some fav celeb of mine or i had some personal plunge'n interest in yers of course) and i certainly don't follow any leader...the mind-numb'n PC police nor the grammar gestapo...

I AM FOLLOWED! 

cuz lemme me edumacate you my fine fickle fucktard...most english

degree's end up become'n a doily of dead dreams on a dart board...attached to years of debt and ask'n you if you wanna super size yer fuck'n fries on a friday nite...2ndly here's hope'n THEY are double jointed cuz THEY can go FUCK THEMSELVES (since no one else will) and while i'm on a roll...here's a list of 10 more other things i don't ever plan on doin to appease someone else...let's just call it my "FUCK IT" list...why not!

don't get this confused with that lil black book of names and gold stars 

you've been carry'n around in yer back pocket fer a rainy day...oh no no no no NO!

this list basically is the anti BUCKET LIST...mean'n that...it's stuff i just 

ain't ever gonna do before i kick the proverbial can...regardless of the peer pressure or unfuckable fidget spinners...i thought about it long and hard (and NO i wasn't at the time...you dirty lil bird!) so without further ado... here is my top 10 FUCK IT! list

10. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna bungee jump...EVER!...so don't ask me!

i've experienced vertigo one too many times dur'in my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe career...and like i've always said...

if i wanna get a rush outta bein' high...i'll just add another inch to my heels!

9. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna swim in the big blue ocean...as long as 

    there are ANY sea creatures in them...

if i can't see the bottom...trust me...i'm not gett'n in...

sorry Charlie!

8. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna jump outta a private plane...with or without

     a parachute...even if it's about to crash land atop the Andes or deep in the Amazon forest...not on my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe life!

7. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna set sails on the mighty sea...i have never 

been a a fanatical fan of seafood...nor do i ever wanna become seafood...EVER!

6. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna feel scalpel to skin...fer vanity reasons

well...lemme clarify...if by some chance...i just happened to trip and fall unconsciously onto a cosmetic gurney dur'in my Blanch Devereaux years and become youthinized fer a few hours...is that really MY FAULT? i fer damn sure ain't gonna be clipp'n no damn coupons or download'n any BOGO deals from the internet...thanx to 80's heartthrob Mickey Rourke...who went from fuckable to forgettable

but i heard he's been give'n a 2nd chance with hollyweird and just landed the lead role in a live action christmas classic play'n the Heat Miser so good fer him

BUTT wait...there's more

5. FUCK IT!...i'm never ever gonna get a pet snake....there's is no way i 

ever want to wake up from one of my many narcoleptic naps to find some large ass slither'n snake slide'n in between my legs...

WAIT...lemme me clarify that one fer ya!

4. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna fake-n-bake my body...just to look like a 

   mongolian baboon's ass...it's just not happen'n! i like my smooth supple alabasterized ass the way it is

3. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna have a pussy fer a house pet...ever since 

my dearly departed friend Jeanie...who spent a large portion of her adult life try'n to snag a sympathetic husband on E-Harmony...in the end unfortunately had a brain aneurism in her late early 40's watch'n tv one day and when the paramedics found her 3 days later in the hot summer sun...her cat Luna (who incidentally always hated me) was gnaw'n at her toes...poor thing ended up in the end gett'n eaten by a pussy and she wasn't even lezbitronic to begin with

2. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna participate in the runn'n of the bull...watch'n 

  a bull fight in Palomas...or ever deal with yer bullshit! how does that old say'n go? FUCK with the bull yer gonna get the horns so this THEY/THEM is seriously hypathetically fucked (and not in the good way)

and the numbero uno FUCK IT on my list...

Drummond roll over in yer grave pleez...

1. FUCK IT!...i'm just neva eva gonna eat raw sushi...EEEEW!...it's just

     sooo unnatural and cringely creepy...to me! 

and don't none of you'z Jethro Clampett Maury Povich hemmorrhage'n

 drano douche'n dip shitt'n syphilis parade'n tyrannicalsaurus anti-vaxx'n vixen Ernest goes to camp mutha fuckers come after me fer anything on my list neither or you can bet you'll be pick' up yer teeth with broken fingers while try'na get a boot outta yer ass...KAPEESH!

there you have it kittens this concludes my FUCK IT! list fer now...why not

make yer own unfun and unfabulous list...and FUCK IT! 

GET OFF MY DRESS!

UP...UP...AND AWAAAAAY

every hormonally charged GEN X sci-fi campy queen wanted their heels

pinned over their head in decem of 1980 when hot to trot quarterback of the NY Jets FLASH GORDON appeared on the silver screen try'n to beat the live'n shit outta MING's army of snappily dressed hairdressers in a rough role play'n game of "try'n grab my balls Mary"

cuz he [Flash that is] and AA dropout DALE ARDEN were forced far beyond the earth's atmosphere into the outer reaches of the universe...

by psychotically insane twatless anti-vaxxer Dr ZARKOV

who were on an incompetent mission to escape the clutches of MING the MERCILESS and save the planet earth from total devastate'n destruction 

just so they could tell their harrow'n adventures on "PHIL DONAHUE SHOW"

though personally...i always saw myself as the saucy PRINCESS AURA 

 gallivant'n around in that skimpy tin foiled barely there bondage wear hardly enough to keep a tit mouse dry in a drizzle with a collection of colorful marabou boa's at her side..parade'n around her chained pet gimp fer everyone's amusement

unfortunately...MING's been have'n fun with the planet earth's destruction consider'n we were left hang'n with his alleged demise at the end of the flick!

ever since that infamous Mtv moon land'n on august 1st 1981...there has

been hundreds of billions of benjamins wasted on explore'n the vast gases of outer space fer no other reason than to oooh and ahhh the masses sitt'n on their asses to watch the latest videos from 

"THE BUGGLES" to 

"THE BANGLES" and everyone in between 

so why should the recent exploration of billionaires burn'n thru their hard earned coins to show who's got the bigger balls be any different?

lets begin with british mega billionaire RICHARD BRANSON who got his

claim to fame by open'n VIRGIN RECORDS shops in 1972 followed by his airline and so on...

and struck musical oil owe'n some of his success to one BOY GEORGE who catapulted Sir Richard's career when he signed CULTURE CLUB on as clients in 1982

(let yer fingers do the walk'n and google the rest on yer own)

next up insert billionaire to all things you desperately just can't live without 

from scary remote controlled dinosaurs to dinosaur dildo's..JEFF BEZOS earned his beyond comfortable status in life thanx to you...the lazy couch surf n turf'n consumer who couldn't be bothered to drive their tired and often dilapidated A double snakes to mega middle class shopp'n staples of america... 

fer the latest and greatest "must have" of the season fer some reason eventually putt'n 'em on the retail chop'n block

so utterly bored with the planet earth and their butt load of benjamins...

both BRANSON and BEZOS decided to show off who's got the biggest balls and built their own super sonic rocket ship to blast off to the planet MONGO...presumably...to search fer MING's ring and though alotta the lil middle class canker sores gave both self earned billionaires alotta bullshit fer waste'n bookoo bucks on their space exploration..IT WAS THEIR MONEY TO SPEND AS THEY SEE FIT THAT YOU THE CONSUMER GAVE THEM...so sit down and STFU!

BUTT...let's be real

if you think fer a minute that either billionaire is try'n to escape the planet's

impend'n doom and destruction...to pulverize you into a puddle of DNA while they live a life of ludicrous luxury in MING's castle...lemme put yer frivolous fears at ease kittens!

fer either of these 2 or ANYONE fer that matter to exist solely in space

it takes roughly a crew of a few thousand astro projectional geeks on the planet earth to constantly problem solve daily on how to keep those who choose to venture into the planet FRIDGIA and hang with Princess AURA alive... 

plus they're totally micro managed from sunrise to sunset with their daily life consist'n basically of bounce'n around like helium balloons and forced to participate in a strict exercise routine confined to a small space to keep their bones from turn'n into gristle with only ritualistic birdy baths every few months if they're lucky...

and their beddy bye time is akin to sleep'n in a float'n coffin and don't even get me started on their sacrificial meatloaf to the float'n porcelain god

the longest any human that has actually lived in outer space was astronut

SCOTT KELLY who went on 4 space missions and once spent a complete year of his life float'n around like PRINCE VULTAN on a wasted mission basically sett'n up high speed internet fer the rural pervies so they wouldn't have to deal with dial up ever again (allegedly!) 

and decided after a year to pack up his space suit and clean out his locker at NASA so he could enjoy his metamucil martini's...Murder She Wrote marathons and flip thru his AARP catalog in peace!

neither BRANSON or BEZOS are doin A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G to advance that

leisurely JETSONS life style in space that we’ve all dreamt of since the 1960's...this was nothin' more than a dick-swing'n contest that YOU the consumers paid for in full fer the past 30...they will fortunately perish along with the rest of the pitiful pensioners on the planet EARTH...completely without take'n a single penny with them and completely alone!

so in conclusion...you got no one to point fingers at and bitch about all this

 wasted billions except yer damn self...KAPEESH! if you don't want billionaires blow'n their billions YOU gave them single-handedly on some ego ridden space race piss'n contest...

get yer lazy dilapidated A double snakes off the damn davenport and BUY LOCAL!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!