STICKY FINGERS pt. 1

picture it kittens...the year was 1984 and minnesnowda's very own purple 

paisley bucket of pubic hair had dominated the airwaves with his #1 jam "WHEN DOVERS CRY" all while bath'n in a bathtub full of erotic filth and dominate'n the theaters with his biographical master piece "PURPLE RAIN" which was accompanied by a masterpiece soundtrack of the same name

that my absofuckinglutely fantabulous cuz Shelly got to be apart of musical history durin' the open'n scene...so take that!

a widowed english teacher would become a geriatric novelistic sleuth with a killer roller set who was set on solve'n mysteries and murders all over Cabot Cove fer 10 successful seasons

MOLLY becomes a box office bank account while gett'n molested by her nana with lezbitronic tendencies in the teenrager hit "16 CANDLES" among many others that followed...oh and ps you finger-lick'n-on-the-trigger crotchety phalange point'n ameba's march'n in every damn woke online parade...

JOHN HUGHES is dead so don't start some pissy pathetic petition to ban this come'n of age movie fer us gen X'ers or send'n MOLLY rape counselor brochures

and i had decided to meander to the downtown of my hometown on a brisk afternoon to the local corner drug store to rummage thru the latest issue of my fav-o-rit musical rag fer all the latest musical gossip and printed lyrics to my fav-o-rit songs...

cuz you know you never were sing'n the correct lyrics no matter how long you had any given tune play'n on repeat in yer walkman

fer the longest time until i researched BERLIN's "THE METRO" lyrics that i began perform'n fer the 1st time on stage at the GAY 90's in the 90's months after i stopped doin the song...the open'n lyrics went as follows:

"i'm alone...sitting with my empty glass...my four walls follow me thru my past...i was on a Paris train...i emerged in London rain...and you were waiting there...swimming thru apologies"

however in my thought process i totally thought Terri's last line in the song went "and you were there...swimm'n thru a pile of cheese!" (hey i was 13 at the time...it totally was absolutely plausible so don't act you didn't think the same thing) anywho'zll'ding

after purchase'n my mag...i realized i only had some pocket change left

in my pocket so i decided to walk down to another drug store a few blocks away where a few of my siblings were at walk'n homelessly up and down the aisles dream'n of everything they couldn't afford more than likely then up back and forth thru the toy aisle stare'n at toys we had hoped that the fat ass in the red suit would deliver under our tree in a few short months and fer some reason i remember my sister fixate'n on this bendable witch doll that was about $1.50

BUTT let's back it up a it...

me and my sis had shared a room separated by the BERLIN wall of our

sleep'n quarters which was just 2 large rusted out school style locker room closets that COULD NOT be crossed or there would be an all out war...she was on the west side while i occupied the east...my side was always absolutely spotless and mathematically plastered with posters of  BOY MADONNA and CYNDI cover'n up every inch of paint when possible thanx to my keen sense of unapologetic law and order

while my sister's side of the room always looked like the trash compactor inside the death star and i swore at any give'n moment you never knew when a random fuck'n cyclops snake eye was gonna pop up from the heap of clothes that she had unceremoniously adorned her floor with

my uncle from Virginia or was it West? i'm grasp'n at straws at this point 

kittens cuz i can't remember which it was...move'n on...so my unk out east had visited us one spring or summer with his "friend" i was told by Joan...the season isn't really relevant to this story it's only give'n you a visual backdrop...anyways...i was lucky enough to be bequeathed a book from my long distance uncle that only expanded my celebrity fascination and musical repertoire from his era and let me tell you i became completely O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D from the very minute i opened the cover and flipped thru the pages...i wanted to be the one to solve the most talked about celebrity death in the world at that time

however a few months later after relentlessly bark'n at the occupant live'n

on the western side of the wall to keep their side clean cuz of my overbear'n OCD could barely handle it any longer...someone had take'n it upon themselves one day when there was no guards at the gate to apparently pull off some sorta secret mission impossible bullshit and somehow was able to make it to the east side of the room without tripp'n off any of the alarms or landmines that i had personally installed myself 

and decided to pull some Freddy Krueger fuckery on my newly acquired possession by slash'n a few pages from my cherished Marilyn bible to possess fer their very own 

well…i knew right then and there that this would be a total retaliation on

my behalf and trust me...THERE WOULD BE NO NEGOTIATE'N…NO STONE LEFT UNTURNED! believe you me i wasted no time in beginn'n my search and destroy mission to track down the callous culprit responsible fer the abhorrent atrocity of my property so i threw on my Angela Lansbury cap and started slither'n around like a sleuthy snake follow'n the shreddery which would lead me over the wall!

there ya have it...tune in next week fer the excrutiate'n concussion of pt.2

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

TOXIC TENDENCIES pt 2

it's rare i get moved by anyone new in the music industry these days...but

i stumbled across the cool smooth style'ns from this stunn'n corn whack'n bedroom eyed babe from fairfield iowa...ELI LIEB (though turns out i guess he's been around fer the past 10 years...thanx WIKIPEDIA) in any case...fer those unaware of his pipes...check out his love song fer those young tulip sniffers with the hope of somethin' real happen'n in "YOUNG LOVE"

and his stripped down haunt’n cover of MILEY CYRUS's "WRECKING BALL" gave me the chills...get the rest of his music here

this week's explosive episode is brought to you by the maker's of  LYSOL

when ya wanna eliminate that ugly taste that's been fester'n in the back of yer mouth fer years...or just gift a can and give it to yer fav-o-rit brain dead lobotomized anal wart republicunt in yer life...WH approved!

get a ticket to the catch up train here with pt 1 of TOXIC TENDENCIES...

and now the excrutiate'n conclusion to TOXIC TENDENCIES pt 2

well...i knew at this point...even though i had deleted my comment from 

his blister'n visceral slash'ns towards me that morn'n...and resent it to thee actual intended party...the damage had already been done 

though to be honest...it needed to be said to him once and fer all cuz he was gett'n too close to Norman Bates territory...OVER A PIC!

i knew he would have SOMETHIN' to say about said text and i was not wrong...though lemme clarify my rebuttal a bit more than i did that day

cuz i was in no mood to keep this convo goin any longer...this was the 1st time i had ever screen shot ANY of his convo's with me (it was just easier than retype'n the train wreck texted out to thee intended recipient) cuz everything in his text was gett'n sooo diabolically insane and quite obviously jell-o on his part and completely destructive to the aura colors that i had planned & personally picked out on this particular day to wear...and like any true vanity case...he wanted to get in one last barbie

he would go off on me like a paranoid parrot past their prime steak n cake days...much like a halitosed hooker would to their pimp fer not remember'n their bday bonus...and this...unfortunately...would be the final nail in the coffin fer our mutual 25 year friendship!

now i don't even know where to begin with this?...but i'll break it down fer ya anyways!

OK 1st off...i am ONLY 49.5 years old...he should be well aware of this as a simple google search and a basic fact...since he is just a mere 9 yrs

my senior (it's a well documented fact with all who worked with us years ago when i personally organized & threw him his 40th surprise bday party @ my apt) so i fer one am look'n forward to celebrate my 50th life on this earth later this fall (since my dad...my 2nd youngest brother and my oldest brother unfortunately did not get to have the same privilege as myself)

at the follow up to my smash hit play "GET OFF MY DRESS...love is a drag!" (that this very blog was spawned from 10 years ago) that i am feverishly putt'n together fer the follow-up later this year...simply entitled "GET OFF MY DRESS...love is STILL a drag!" and hope to showcase it on labor day weekend...depend'n on all this COVID crap of course 

(that he may or may not be inadvertently a part of now)

2nd...as far as the not hold'n a job...ummm i've been in bank'n fer 20 yrs

since i was 30 (do the math) and was recently laid off 3 weeks prior to all this COVID bullshit (along with 5 other tempers) cuz the company decided to downsize our department...it's not unheard of...it's just an annoy'n part of life!

though i do recall years back when i left my management position @ the same gym we were both mgrs at...to pursue my entertainment career...

that i subsequently ended abruptly (a whole nother story that will see the light some day) unfortunately though when i reapplied fer my same position back...a lil birdy in his 70's called me personally at home one nite to inform me you told management not to hire me back...hmmmm...wonder why that was? 

(it turned out ok kittens...the corporate office took me back instead...pay'n me more benjie's than what i was previously make'n anyways)

3rd...use'n people fer money? yea it's called employment...i do the work...

i expect to get paid by the people that are use'n me to fulfill their bosses bottom line...just like...oh let's say fer instance...a bartender who expects to get tips when serve'n drinks to demand'n patrons or hookers negotiate'n fer a lil extra ching ching if they happen to snag a bank account that wants them fer the entire week!

4th...as far as the cocktails and food yer referr'n to...i can only assume

you mean the many times that you have give'n a kings ransom fer the many cocktails and food you've purchased fer me & yerself over the past 25 years when we've gone out together (without a gun pointed at yer thick skull i might add) though my contributions over the years may have been a bit more on the lower end cuz of my pay scale...i didn't know this was a piss'n contest all of a sudden...hmmm...

i guess it's slipped yer feeble little mind that i was yer own personal UBER

driver without ask'n fer a single dime in petrol when we went out on our many alcoholic excursions over the years...or when you needed a ride to work...or from work fer that matter...or run errands...or take'n you to visit yer dad outta town after yer mother had unfortunately passed away!

HOWEVER...invoke'n my dearly departed aunt Ellen who i absolutely

loved with all my heart...and took care of her fer the last 2 years of her life basically (due to unresolved family issues i will not discuss)  before her unfortunate & untimely tragic pass'n...

shows yer utter lack of empathy & that there is no depth to yer depravity...cuz you knew it had absolutely NOTHING to do with her finances! 

though the same could not be said about you gloat'n fer years to me about yer parents finances and the millions they had that you would inherit some

day...even more so after they both passed...did you brag to yer other friends over the years about their financial status to them? or was it just yer twisted way to make yerself feel better by degrade'n my own less than stellar upbring'n? either case...at this fork in the road...this is the final straw the broke this camels back!

since i don't even follow said stalker on ANY social media sites...

except fer maybe gopluckyerself dot com...though i really haven't logged into that site fer years if i'm bein' perfectly honest here...so i'd have no clue how to log back in anyways so he needn't worry

you wanna think it bothers me that you can't even spell my birth name 

and that i had legally changed mine 25 years ago...well here's the thing callous kitten...i...like many others in this biz called show...change their name legally ALL THE TIME...fer example: 

did you know WILLIAM MICHAEL ALBERT BROAD changed his name?

as did the queen of rock'n'roll Miss ANNA MAE BULLOCK...did'ya huh?...did'ya?

or that CHERILYN SARKISIAN had thee unmitigated gall to be referred to as only one name with no last? most likely due to the fact she didn't wanna get carpet tunnel from sign'n autographs on all those 8-track tapes

and that GEORGE ALAN O'DOWD thought it'd be way super cool to add just a prefix to his name and drop the rest...a total rebel huh?

though singers ain't the only ones try'n to hide from their give'n names...

were you aware that 3 time Oscar award winner was originally referred to by her nana as MARY LOUISE STREEP?

and that NORMA JEANE MORTENSON did not actually pose fer the 1st cover of PLAYBOY like most people thought...huh?

but even though ERMES EFFRON BORGNINO has a line of beauty cream...you might wanna consider not marinate'n it...just say'n!

you can think i’m just poor white trash & all cuz of my up bring’n...but trust me...that’s completely fine with me!

in close'n...thanx fer the 25 years at the very least...but like any bubble...

it will eventually pop...and this one has...

so GET OFF MY DRESS!

a concrete blonde

there have been many many many famous MARILYN's thru out time...

from hollyweird screen goddess MARILYN MONROE

host of SOLID GOLD with her #1 hit 

"you don't have to be a star (to be in my show)"

 MARILYN McCOO

satan's prodigy child MARILYN MANSON

and tv's toughest judgey spanish omelet  MARILYN MILIAN

what was once a glimmer'n hope of an exclusive interview...is now just an intimate tribute on how not to have yer fame and fortune be snuffed out in a blink of an eye  by controlled substances

so kittens...let's put on our parachute pants and hop in our delorean...

back to the age of champagne kisses and cocaine dreams...filled with british lads and shoulder pads...

and learn about thee ever elusive PETER ROBINSON...

best known to most in the 1980's as the gender bend'n beauty called...
MARILYN

born november 3 1962 in Kingston Jamaica....

MARILYN was a force of nature...claw'n his way to make his mark in british pop history

as one of the original BLITZ kids to hit the new romantic scene...

at the infamous BLITZ club in London in the early 80's...MARILYN was destined fer fame and fortune

release'n a string of personally poppy yet emotional hits like...

"calling your name"

"cry and be free"

"baby you left me (in the cold)"

 "you don't love me"

MARILYN also took time to help out fellow brits EURYTHMICS...

by appear'n alongside DAVE STEWART in their paranoid love hit 

"who's that girl?"

anyone live'n thru the excessive opulence of the 80's...

or has read the brilliantly penned and facinate'n autobiography "take it like a man" by BOY GEORGE...knows that these 2 forces of nature were like 2 peas in the cramped pod of fame that started their sinn'n from the very beginn'n

MARILYN was featured as one of the central characters in...

BOY GEORGE's critically acclaimed and TONY nominated musical "TABOO" which delighted fans and found success on both sides of the pond

MARILYN also was one of the many well known celeBRITies...

who put their ego's aside and lent his vocals to one of the biggest charity singles in UK history in 1984 "do they know it's christmas"  

and like most people on their rise to fame like MARILYN...

they often become a sorta pied piper once the spotlight is on them and are followed around relentlessly by hoards of mice fans (i still can't shake my 2)...one such fan that made an impression was none other than BUSH front man who later became Mr. Stefani (and then was not) 

MARILYN has tasted his fair share of celebratory celebrities...

thru out his rise to fame...but i'm sure no one has surprised MARILYN more to the level of their longevity and fame would reach...than when he met a very young Miss Ciccone backstage in his dress'n room after his performance in the BIG APPLE in 1985

though MARILYN's fame has taken a tumble over the years...

MARILYN's presence will never be forgotten...(thanx to my tribute) and especially when you can buy his greatest hits all on one cd at last "DESPERATE STRAIGHT LINES" (well to be fair...it was his only cd)...BUT STILL...it is his greatest to date!

MARILYN had a glimmer of hope of return'n to the music scene...

back in 2016...with his reggay rastafaggian influenced single "LOVE OR MONEY"...only to see his efforts halted and salted once again

who knows what's to become of the elusive MARILYN...

but you've definitely made yer tramp stamp in history kitten!

now get off my dress!