DR FEEL SO GOOD!

just close yer eyes kittens and picture it....the year was 1986

and the alcoholic wives simply known as MOTLEY CRUE were all the rage and take'n over the airwaves as well as the tv screens...considered to be the mistresses of ol' hot head himself...Lucifer...the CRUE were corrode'n the mentally unmorally majority of uptight christian societal circles everywhere...from Kalamazoo to Timbuktu...putt'n a bastardly bee in their fuckless bonnets...and i fer one...couldn't have been more happier!

well...lemme back it up by a year...where i could'a been beyond over  

the moon (that would be 1985 fer those mathematical challengers still try'na count it out on their lil piggies) when i spent hours wash'n dishes...endless piles of my sibs cloths and scrubb'n the kitchen floor til 3 am roughly...til it was good enough to eat off of it without have'n to contact the Center for Disease Control...all just to get a ticket to the hottest show on the planet that year...in the month of may...the 21st to be exact...MADONNA's Virgin Tour in St Paul, MN...

that was ALL my scrawny lil teenage angst riddled A-double snakes longed for...fer the the next 10 birthdays & christmas's combined (hypothetically speak'n of course...i mean come on...i was a teenager after all) 

W-E-L-L...suffice it to say...Joan never even considered my desperate plea...and i was completely DENIED...due to the fact that Joan said "ya ain't goin to see her cuz they do drugs at those concerts" (that is an almost direct quote...from what my feeble lil mind remembers) and of course this was NOT backed up with ANY sufficient evidence what so ever to please me!

it was the 80's...BUTT of course...

the follow'n year i would win 4 tix on a call in contest from K.A.G.E radio 

to the bad ass glam gurls of heavy metal "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS TOUR"...and my cuz Dan drove me and bundle of my sibs down in his Sanford & Son truck to see MOTLEY CRUE reek havoc at the Lacrosse Center in Lacrosse WI...

with the other suedo shopko famous alcoholic wives...WHITESNAKE...open'n fer em

i would eventually have to live vicariously thru a VHS version of the M's immaculate show a couple years later...once i saved up enough money from my pop can collection

bike'n all over town just try'na do my part to clean up our fair city of Winona fer some coinage

ANY'WHO'ZILL'DING...it was time fer lil ol' me to take a mini covid vaca

this week...so i thought i'd give ya a lil bit of read'n material to munch on

though i've lost musical contact with the band over the years...i recently fell in absofuckinglute LOVE...with the band's uber talented head bang'n

drummer TOMMY LEE...NO! not cuz i finally got to watch that mini production with his maxi produce department make'n his X wife Pamela Anderson sit and spin like a pinwheel on a hot and windy summer afternoon aboard some boat in the south of France years ago (or wherever the fuck it was) OH NO! it's cuz he retweeted a tweet...which was an exerpt from a lesser unknown common person (that you can learn about from his razor sharp brilliance at amazon.com) who didn't hold back when it came to the current mentally deranged and highly demented IMPEACHED FOR LIFE sociopathetik corrupt lie'n sack of orange anal warts and pig shit disgrace'n the planet and humanity...simply lay'n out and prey'n that he'll be sipp'n sangria outta his colostomy bag this nov. 3rd that i accidentally came across on TOMMY's tweet fer his twatters one rainy afternoon:

 and scene...THANK U THANK U THANK U TOMMY fer tweet'n yer twatters with this very pertinent and poignant assessment!

if you can...VOTE NOW...or you better by nov. 3rd to bring back sanity 

and serenity to the planet and remember PUHLEEZ...

GET OFF MY DRESS!

DICKSTRACTION ACTION

when you desperately need to "distract" the masses with lobotomized

asses...cuz yer poles numbers are sink'n faster than yer morals...leave it to our unfortunate morbidly obese (thanx fer that Nancy) mentally deranged lie'n corrupt bloated sack of orange pig shit with the cottage cheesed ass...to act like a lil bitch...all cuz of PRESIDENT OBAMA's articulate and positive graduation speech last week fer the class of 2020 that garnered more neilsen rate'ns than any of his rallies from his destructive reign of terror over the past almost 4 years

i was completely worn out by all his BS and decided to distract myself with

my well worn out copy of the greatest hits by Heather Lockier to help lift my spirits...since my cabinet was currently outta those "special" spirits...

BUTT of course...it wasn't happen'n!

luckily fer you kittens...i'm gonna dickstract you with somethin just a lil

more eye popp'n than political poetry this week!

almost 3 months into lockdown now and i was rack'n my brains as to who

would be thee most interest'n person on the planet to distract yer dismal minds in these desperate times and take part in another interview that i haven't conducted in some time now...here at the orafices of GET OFF MY DRESS! i wanted it to be with someone who's been affected by the current state we're live'n in...so i tossed out a bucket of chum into the unisver to see who would bite..and much to my surprise...it was a nice unexpected surprise!

i tried gett'n in touch with TARA READE...but i didn't wanna touch her with anyone’s 10 foot pole

and i completely had fergotten that FARRAH FAWCETT was no longer with us

so i was beyond elated when i got a response back from the star of such

sinfully saucy classics like L.A. CRUISING...

and was absolutely riveted by the hard hitt'n action in COCK HAMMER

you got it kittens...today i'm sitt'n down with the deliciously delectable

throat plunge’n legend himself...TEX DAVIDSON

thanx a mill fer return'n my call TEX...so lets just dive right in...shall we? how were you discovered to go under the covers as an adult entertainer?

i was discovered on FACEBOOK actually

CHI CHI LARUE reached out as well as CHRIS CRISCO to whom became my manager for a short time before i started getting my own gigs

with all yer throngs of thongs you've destroyed thru-out yer illustrious career...what made you decide to hang up yer jock strap fer good?

the reason i left the industry was it was time, why not leave while you're on top! some of these guys make it a career. i had bigger plans for myself.

somehow i ended up follow'n you on twitter a while back...i'll admit it...it's yer eyes...they're like tractor beams...you were the death star...and i was the millenium falcon pulled in with no way to escape so i twatted you the day i found out you were outta comish cuz you contracted the current dreadful disease...so in yer own words...can you tell my savvry stalkers that follow me thru-out the planet about yer experience with the COVID?

my experience with COVID, lets just say it's not fun, it's something to take very seriously. i am not out of the woods yet. it's lonely. i was hopitalized for almost a week and a half with no visitors and only allowed to see the nurses 3 times a day and 3 times a night.

luckily my family and friends facetimed me to help me stay positive, no pun! after i was released from the hospital i now have to be quarentined for 14 days before i get tested again and hopefully test negative.

i experienced a seizure as well as a stroke, the doctors could not do my MRI or the EEG to figure out if those were related to the COVID. once i tested negative i will be able to proceed with the MRI and EEG so please take every precaution to stay safe. just because states are reopening doesn't mean this is all over

well...i think it's safe to say...that if TEX DAVIDSON tells you this COVID ain't nothin' to fuck around with...you outta listen kitten and speak'n of not fuck'n around anymore...now that yer outta the adult entertainment world can you tell us a lil bit about yer new adventure into the world of design?

my new adventure in the design world has always been a dream of mine and in just one phone call my dreams had come true. i moved to Dallas and i work for a great design firm and i am building my name up and branding myself to become one of Dallas's Designers.

my company is not only a design firm but we also stage luxury multi million dollar homes for the real estate industry

now we've come to the part of the interview i like to call "can we talk about ME fer a change?" basically TEX...you can ask me ANYTHING you want under the rainbow you want to know about a complete random stranger like myself (well...except about rainbows...cuz that's just fuck'n lazy journalism)

what's the craziest thing you want to do when this pandemic is over?

well...though i'm known as a bit of a "tooth chipper" in town myself  TEX

i think i'm gonna treat myself with my COVID cash and take the TEX challenge by goin fer a ride on yer replica...WHY NOT! (insert evil grin here) if you wanna feel the TEX experience all up in yer cavernous cornhole yerself...order his thick throat plunger fer yer very own pleasure here  among many other must have TEX DAVIDSON products...maybe even splurge as gifts fer friends...family...or even granny (if her time clock is still tick’n)

i wanna thank the ever incredible legendary TEX DAVIDSON fer take'n

 time outta his quarentined quarters to shoot the shit with me...and wanna wish you a complete speedy recovery along with best wishes on yer new adventures in the world of design...if yer a twatter...follow TEX on twitter @ https://twitter.com/texdavidsonxxx?lang=en

now GET OFF MY DRESS!