had been give'n the chance...whether it be winn'n the lotto...or happen to stumble across a belly dancer live'n inside a bejeweled liquor bottle...to come true
this list usually consists of things that are either attainable...affordable
and even sometimes...down right asinine...but none the less...these are yer very own accomplishments that you wanna get credit for doin' or purchase'n...you know...before you kick that almighty can fer the last time!
so one of my ever dearly (and thankfully) undeparted friends...
Mrs. "who Cares...I OWN A STORE" Werner...came up with this concept awhile back while we were honor'n a dearly departed friend...simply entitled..."THE FUCK IT LIST"
now don't get this confused with that lil black book of names and gold stars you've been carry'n around in yer back pocket fer a rainy day kittens...oh no no no no NO!
this list basically is the anti BUCKET LIST...mean'n that...it's stuff yer just ain't ever gonna do before you die...regardless of the peer pressure
i thought about it long and hard (and NO i wasn't at the time...you dirty lil bird) so without further ado... here is my top 10 FUCK IT! LIST:
10. FUCK IT!...after ALL that's been said and done with the current
mentally deranged lie'n corrupt sack of Cheeto dusted pig shit disgrace'n the planet (that'll hopefully be impeached and banished to the planet of Frigia soon) ANYONE that STILL supports him at this point in the game are no longer on my christmas card list (friends and fam included and you know who you are) i may be a beauty school drop-out...
BUTT...i have one helluva intuition and i can tell when someone's try'na slide their regurgitation past me...you will suffer the same fate as Princess Aura with the bore worms if you try and "suggest" to me anything different by listen'n to yer deranged point of view fer even a mere moment
9. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna bungee jump...EVER!...so don't ask me!
i've experienced vertigo one too many times dur'in my unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe career...and like i've always said...
if i wanna get a rush outta bein' high..(unlike my past 3 X's) i'll just add another inch to my heels!
8. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna swim in the big blue ocean...
as long as there are ANY sea creatures in them...
if i can't see the bottom...i'm not gett'n in...there is no deviation from this...sorry charlie!
7. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna jump outta a plane...
with or without a parachute...not on my life!
6. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna set sails on the mighty sea...
i have never been a fan of seafood...nor do i ever wanna become seafood...EVER!
thanx to my boat friends Jim and Em...only to loose a part of me that is now a permanent fixture...rest'n in the river bed thanx to not acknowledge'n the trajectory force of the wind velocity when i came up from the bottom of the boat with cocktails in hand
though...i sorta conquered my fears of the mighty mississip this summer
5. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna feel scalpel to skin...fer vanity reasons
well...lemme clarify...if by some chance...i just happened to trip and fall unconsciously onto a cosmetic gurney dur'in my Blanch Devereaux years...and become youthinized fer a few hours...is that really MY FAULT?...but i fer damn sure ain't gonna be clipp'n no damn coupons or download'n any BOGO deals from the internet...thanx to 80's heartthrob Mickey Rourke...who went from fuckable to forgettable
but i heard he's been give'n a 2nd chance with hollyweird...and just landed the lead role in the live action christmas classic...play'n the Heat Miser...so good fer him
4. FUCK IT!...i'm never ever gonna get a pet snake....
there's is no way i ever want to wake up from one of my many narcoleptic naps...to find some large ass slither'n snake between my legs...
WAIT...lemme me clarify that one fer ya!
3. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna have a pussy fer a house pet...
ever since me dearly departed friend Jeanie...who spent a large portion of her adult life try'n to snag a sympathetic husband...in the end...had a brain aneurysm in her late early 40's watch'n tv one day...and when the paramedics found her 3 days later on the hot summer afternoon...her cat Luna was gnaw'n at her toes...poor thing...ended up gett'n eaten by a pussy and she wasn't even lesbitronik to begin with!
2. FUCK IT!...i'm never gonna participate in the runn'n of the bull...
how does that old say'n go? FUCK with the bull...yer gonna get the horns...this guy is fucked...and not in the good way
and the numbero uno FUCK IT!
Drummond roll over in yer grave pleez...
1. FUCK IT!...i'm just neva eva gonna eat raw sushi...EEEEW!...
it's just sooo unnatural and creepy...to me!
(though this does not mean i don't love the QUEEN any less)
there you have it kittens...this concludes my FUCK IT! list...fer now...
make yer own unfun and unfabulous list...and FUCK IT!...GET OFF MY DRESS!
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