i luv me some Katy...i do...the lion entrance was amaze'n...but that flame outfit really?...what...was HOT TOPIC have'n a close-out sale on their halloween costumes?...and though there was definitely some MADONNA moments on the chess board...i was bored after that...seriously...i was wait'n fer the Kool-Aid man to pop out from behind the palm trees...but thanx to MISSY ELLIOT fer save'n the show
chopp'n up one of these suckers fer yer salad will do the trick
knock'n over a glass of moo juice might turn some into a whine ass...
but apparently it originated as an offer'n to the faeries in the folklore period and this was considered to be good luck for those who did it
(but put that in yer useless information bank and smoke it)
try'n to save a couple of bucks...instead of call'n a real professional...
only
to have it go awry...will make yer eye ducts start to well up and make
you think twice about watch'n another damn TLC remodel'n program
or a misunderstand'n that goes askew...while hold'n a pick axe in yer hand...
may
make a Maury Povich audience member let out a sigh of empathy for
you...but yer still gonna probably get 5-10 in the big boy pen when it's
over
i was fumblin' thru my dvd collection last weekend after a difficult day with my conscious tell'n me what to do...after o.d.'n on a 6 pack of red bull...
try'n to find somethin' to get the ol' R.E.M's to kick in...no...not these guys silly kitten
these guys...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
i cannot confirm or deny that this is or is not me catch'n 40 winks
(hadda throw somethin' in there...thought i was loose'n ya fer a minute)
i knew i needed somethin' with an extreme moment to get the water works happen'n..whether good or bad...in order to calm those night time nerves
and since i'm not 20 anymore...
unless i'm
under the right light'n...
"patty cake'n the bacon" don't work like it used to!
even though i've seen these flicks like 100 million times over...they get to me each and every time durin' those pivitol moments...so i've compiled my top 10 list of bawl'n busters fer my narcaleptic naps
10. Lisa Lampanelli: take it like a man
she's
the self proclaimed "Queen of Mean"...almost killed me the first time i
seen her at my sister's house in the wee hours of the morn'n a few
years back...all bets are off with EVERYONE here...and no one goes
unscathed from her seethin' mouth and razor sharp tongue...one of my
fav-o-rit lines from LL "i've had more black dick in me than the urinals
at the Apollo"...i dare you not to bust open the flood gates watch'n this show
9.Thelma and Louise
2
women...a thunderbird...and a hitch hiker...breakdown moment #1 happens
fairly soon in the beginn'n but just sorta fills up the buckets...then
yer calmed down fer a bit before the climactic end'n when ya use'n yer
wrists as wind shield wipers
8. Little Miss Sunshine
one
of the very few family movies i can relate to...and believe...well cuz
it's so dysfunctional...a black dramedy about broken dreams and coming
together as one...the movie is brilliant thru-out and not one dull
moment to be had...but the end'n scene with the little sister kills me
everytime
7. Silkwood
2
words...Meryl Streep...enough said!...no wait...there's more...throw in a non heterosexual Cher
and a shirtless Kurt and it won't be long before you're reach'n fer the
kleenix...a true story about Karen Silkwood who worked at a plutonium
plant and started investigate'n the shinanigans that occured
there...only to be investigated herself...Meryl's peril (sorry
kittens...had to...it rhymed) is played out thru her amaze'n rendition
of "amazing grace"...i always feel like i'm ride'n in slow motion thru
the Pont de l'Alma tunnel in Paris with Diana and Doty
6. Brokeback Mountain
2
guys...some horses...a lotta sheep...and a mountain...sounds like one
of those illegal porn flicks you'd watch with yer high school buddies
when yer parents weren't home...i know...BUTT...(and that is the
opperative word) you can't escape their gravitational pull
5. NORMAL
hello!...Jessica
Lange...what can't this woman do?...also starr'n Tom Wilkinson as her
husband of 25 years...and that HERO's chick Hayden Panettiere as their
teenage daughter...with possible non heterosexual tendencies and their
son what's-his-name (really...what is it?...i never heard of him
before..and i'm too uninterested to google him) anywho...this is a story
about love...marriage...family...sex...change...the tear jerker moments
are thru-out...but Jessica's break down in the basement should've
gotten her an oscar nomination
4. Steel Magnolias
buckle
yerself in to the emotional roller coaster cuz this all star cast will
make yer eyes feel like the hoover dam...and ready to burst at the seams
from the moment you press play...til the credits roll...i swear this
writer
was born to make you weep..."i'm fine!...i can jog all the way to Texas
and back...but my daughter can't!...she never could!...oh G*d!...i am
so mad i don't know what to do!...i wanna know why!...i wanna know why
Shelby's life is over!...i wanna know how that baby will ever know how
wonderful his mother was!...will he ever know what she went through for
him!...oh G*d i wanna know why?...Why?...lord i wish i could
understand!"
3. Torch Song Trilogy
starr'n
Harvey Fierstien...Anne Bancroft and my high school secret crush
Matthew Broderick...about perform'n illusionist Bertha Venation...his
lovers...their son and his jewish mother's disapproval..."whoops?...Ed
did you say "whoops"?...no Ed "whoops" is when you fall down an elevator
shaft..."whoops" is when you skinny-dip in a school of
piranha..."whoops"
is when you accidentally douche with
drano!...no Ed...this was no "whoops" this was an AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"...i'm
already gett'n farklempt and i haven't even pressed play
2. Terms of Endearment
Shirley
McClaine...Debra Winger..."it's past ten...my daughter is in pain...i
don't understand why she has to have this pain...all she has to do is
hold out until ten...and IT'S PAST TEN!...my daughter is in pain...
can't you understand that!...GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!"...enough said
1.ONCE
though
i rarely ever use this word to describe anything...this is thee most
BEAUTIFULLY done romantic musical i have ever seen in my life...about a guy...a girl...a vaccuum...a piano...a guitar...and find'n
out what it is you really want in life...the simplicity in itself is
enough to make you break down and weep...the musical arrangements are
perfection and tug at every little vein that leads straight to yer heart
(that is IF you have one at all)
so there ya have it kittens!
keep
yer nyquil...choke on yer ambien...this is my preferred medication to
dreamland...try it next time yer toss'n in yer sleep...if that don't
work...go see a doctor...
and get off my dress!
