clown carnage

i've always had a HUGE fascination with clownage in any form i can get it

though i never did get to experience it first hand at any circus that i can recall as a small pre pubescent unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...i had always hoped someday day it would happen...well...minus at that damn animal cruelty that goes along with it that we've learned over the years...it was not the greatest show on earth

my 1st experience with the creepy cackleage finally came as a kinder beaner...watch'n in anticipation the BOZO THE CLOWN show at my grama Lorraine's on 3rd street...all while eat'n my boo berry cereal and roll'n her cigarette's...before i would head off to school fer the day...the one important life lesson i would learn durin' that time in the mid 70's was of course to make make sure they were rolled high and tight...and yea know what?...even though i never smoked a cig in my life (i've always said i can find more longer...dirtier things to stick in my mouth besides the ass end of a cigarette) i've learned to keep my A double snakes much in the same manner

by the late 80's...i was all over the KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE...thee best B movie ever made...that's not an opinion that's just a fact jack!...but i just wanna know when in the sam H-E-double hockey stix are the CHIODO brothers gonna follow up with a trilogy like every movie that's been bastardized since STAR WARS

when it comes to clowns...you either are in love them or are terrified relentlessly by them...there is no grey area

well...unless of course you build yerself a dolorean and go fer a lil trip smart ass

with the current unfortunate clown cabinet runn'n the country since jan...

i can honestly say they have fuck'n ruined it fer me (fer the time bein' anyways)...the only thing that's been legitimately passed...is their bowel movements...and that's only becuz of ALL the politically spun bran flakes they've had to choke on since take'n office

ever since the fire'n of  comrade clown FLYNN...who only lasted a full 25 days...that i became completely obsessed with watch'n in my hotel room at the Flamingo fer almost a full 24 hrs...when i was on my 1st trip from H-E-double hockey stix in Vegas last feb to see CHER

next up was WH press secretion SPICE bitch...Sean...who lasted roughly 183 but made Melissa McCarthy my only reason to watch SNL again

7 days later...pinhead Priebus would get his walk'n papers as chief of the circus...but heard he's now assistant manager at 1 of the 2 circus peanut factories...in Janesville, WI...so glad he had a back up plan

only on the job 1 day more than the 2003 off broadway remake of Bobbi Boland starr'n Farrah Fawcett...WH communication director dick slapper Anthony Scaramucci barely got his dick wet before his loud mouth got him hot water...but meeeouch...those were some of the hottest 6 days that admin will ever look

british born american deputy assless clown to #45...Gorka more commonly called MUFF MOUTH fer his lack of participation ...would last a full 208 days until his bags were packed and he was headed back to Breitbart Snooze to color up more conspiracies 

right winger and poster child fer bad complexion rejuvenation...Steve Bannon did his best to blow up the "elite establishment" in 211 days...before he got tossed from the WH tent 3 days later...but don't count him bein' completely out just yet...i have a feel'n he'll be come'n around fer tea from time to time

so with his current comrade clown under house arrest...due to a flight risk situation and all...

who knows who's next?

until this circus show finally comes to a collusion end!

either case...i think it's finally time to kick back with a cold one and watch this circus be take'n down

now get off my dress!

over & out

much like our chetto'd TWITTER BITCH's outta control and unfortunately...

still in command...teeny tiny sprinkler system

it's been some time now since i held the annual FUCKTARD awards

here me out kittens...you don't even know half the shit that goes on "behind" the scenes of these award winn'n shows...fer instance...recently i hadda make unfortunate cuts to my spermicidal budget ever since my

beyond Beyonce bubbalisciousness had an unfortunate accident 

ok...well so i was doin latino squats once again at the gym...with him (trust me...a t-o-t-a-l meeeeeouch!)...but now i'm stuck...laid up...and roll'n around

like a paraplegic hooker in hell

plus...sponsors were dropp'n as fast as the clowns at the DC circus

luckily though...one sponsor decided to stick with me through all this shit...and thankfully...they fit well with tonite's nominees

so let's get right to it...shall we?...up first is my fav-o-rit SPICE girl

OLD SPICE...

oh...not cuz poor hot headed Sean decided to pack up his lunchbox cuz he was too tired from lick'n the shit come'n outta his boss's pancaked ass...NO!

he became nominated fer kill'n the brilliant career of one transgendered comedian Melissa McCarthy...the only person who ever got me interested in watch'n SNL again 

ever since the brilliance known as the SWEENEY SISTERS left in the late 80's

let's see...who's made the next cut?...i'm as nervous as Jesus Luz when Madonna decided to cut him off...

OMG...i'm so so shocked...it's the REAL WHITE HOUSE WHINEY BITCH OF DC...i searched google relentlessly...fortunately fer us though...there were no fuckable photo's available...but thanx to my pseudo good friend Kristen Dunst who snap chatted me the nominee...

 only cuz she still has me at a 5000 foot restrain'n order fer bitch slapp'n her back in 2006 fer her lack luster performance in Maria Antoinette and demand'n my benjamins back

last up on my list...the only fuckable WHITE HOUSE worker since JFK...

well...only cuz he reminded me of that hot evil cop from the TERMINATOR...

Scaramucci...known simply as "the MOOCH"...but also known as our TWITTER BITCH'n toilet paper...not cuz he only lasted inside the walls of the WHITE  HOUSE as long as my bi-weekly metro pass

or have politically satirical genius Stephen Colbert cover him in a QUEEN song

no...it's cuz that fucker is follow'n hot-to-trot porn star BLAKE MITCHELL

and not thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe like he should...but now that yer outta a job and yer wifey has gone bye bye...

call me Tony...i'm wait'n

and now the moment you've all been wait'n for...this year's winner 

FUCKTARD award goes to pharmaceutical cockroach and very much deserved recipient...who was actually featured a couple years back...
right here on my blog

congratulations Martin fer all yer very special work you did to better yer fellow americans by milk'n them dry when they needed you the most...

now...you'll get yer chance to milk yer mountain of roommates

hmmm...anyone wanna donate some soap on the rope?...i'm sure he'd really really appreciate it

well...there ya have it kittens...hope ya hadda blast...i wanna thank all my nominee's...now if you pleez...it's time fer me get back on my knee's...and scrub

so get off my dress!